Slide
by Miss Peg
Summary: A teenage boy turns up at BPD looking for Maura. When he refuses to leave, Maura has to face years of pain, and secrets she hoped never to be reminded of.
1. Chapter 1

**Author Note : Hello again. This is my new story...and it's...going to be an interesting one, I hope. I have lots of ideas rolling around in my head and this one actually came to me quite quickly, and grabbed me by the neck and refused to let go until I started writing. So I did.**

 **Disclaimer : Of course I don't own Rizzoli & Isles, but now it's over, I get to play in their sandbox without anything getting in my way... (except my own life)**

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"Doctor Isles."

Maura ran her gloved hands along the man's clavicle, feeling her way across the shattered bone. She sighed, but continued on until the end, before standing upright. She slipped off her gloves and pressed pause on the stereo, her collection of classical music stopped mid-note.

"Yes?"

The uniformed officer stared at the body, his face paled. She walked around the table and pushed him back out of the door. She wasn't in the mood to catch a faller, not today.

"What can I do for you, Officer?"

"I tried calling but you didn't answer."

"Did you leave a message?"

"It's urgent."

She scanned his face, the colour returned to his cheeks. He seemed genuine enough. "Is it work related?"

"Err," he paused and glanced over her shoulder, she turned and followed his gaze through the glass toward the body.

"First?"

"Second." He cleared his throat and looked her in the eye. "I don't know if it's work related. All I know is there's a teenage boy at the front desk asking to see you. Maybe he's a relative."

"I have been waiting to hear back from the man's sister." She smiled and the man's worrisome expression softened. "Does this boy have a name?"

"He didn't give one."

"I'll be there in a few minutes, I need to store Mr Khan appropriately."

He nodded and walked quickly out of the lab. Maura's lips curved at the edges, she pressed them together to disguise the smirk forming. She could see him through the glass window, still cautiously turning back while waiting for the elevator.

She returned Mr Khan to the refrigerators then took the elevator up to the first floor. She walked out across the entranceway but there was no one waiting. She found the young officer helping an elderly lady toward the stairs. He nodded at the cafe. Maura turned and walked over.

Her eyes landed on the teenager long before she reached him. His sandy blonde hair meant he was unlikely to be a blood relative of Mr Khan, whose ethnic origin, she had come to understand, was almost certainly Pakistani. She approached the young man.

"Hello," she said, standing beside him. "I'm Doctor Isles, you wanted to see me."

He glanced up, his pale blue eyes stared back at her, searching her face as she searched his. Her heart leaped into her throat. Maura reached a hand out to the chair opposite, to steady herself. The last time she saw him he was only two years old, but he was still as familiar to her as that Fall day.

"Hello." He stayed seated, his eyes fixed on her for a moment. Maura slid into the chair opposite. His eyes were paler than she remembered, his hair a shade darker.

"What are you doing here?" She narrowed her eyes. "Does your father know you're here?"

"No."

"We should call him," Maura said, standing up. She patted the sides of her dress but she'd left her cellphone in her office. "Do you have a cell?"

He shook his head and lowered his gaze. "I don't want him to know I'm here."

"Why not?" Maura sat down again. She reached her hand across to his, then pulled it back again. She tucked them together under the table. "You look well. Are you well?"

"I'm fine." He stared down at the salt and pepper shakers on the table.

Maura's heart raced, her whole body felt like it was running a marathon. She slowed her breathing, forced herself to breath deeper until her heart rate slowed a little.

"Would you like a drink?"

"I have some water," he said, kicking the backpack at his side.

She looked down at the black fabric backpack. Then followed his navy blue slacks on up to the blazer with a school crest on the pocket.

Maura narrowed her eyes. "You should be at school."

"Yeah." He didn't move.

"Would you like me to drive you?"

"To Vermont?"

Maura lifted her gaze, her eyes locked with the teenage boy's again. Her heart thrummed harder. She swallowed a lump in her throat. "You live in Vermont?"

"Yes." He frowned. "Didn't you know that?"

"No."

" _Oh_."

"I have work to do," Maura said. "I suppose you could come and sit in my office until I'm done."

"Why?"

"So I can drive you home."

"I don't want to go home."

Maura's eyebrows creased together. "Why not?"

"I just don't wanna."

"Do you have homework?"

"No."

"What grade are you in? I could find some material so you won't fall behind."

"Ninth."

"You're a freshman?"

He shrugged. "I'm hungry. I didn't bring much money."

"I can get you a sandwich," Maura said, standing up. She walked over to the counter, then turned back around. "I don't know what kind of sandwiches you like."

"Anything without cheese."

"Coming right up."

She ordered two sandwiches and carried them toward the elevator. The boy followed, his backpack thrown over one shoulder. When the doors closed behind them, Maura felt her whole body tense up. They were alone and she didn't know what to say. By the time the doors opened again, the silence had grown unpalatable.

"My office is in here," she said, walking across the hallway, thankful for something focused to share. The door was open. Maura paused. Jane sat at the coffee table. "What are you doing here?"

"I thought we could get lunch," she said. "But I see you've already got something."

"I should go," the boy said, his eyes landed on Jane. She frowned. He turned around and walked back through the door.

"Luke, wait." Maura placed the plates on the coffee table and walked back out to the corridor. "Don't go."

"You have work."

"I have time," she said.

"She can have my sandwich."

" _No_." Maura reached her hand out to his shoulder, then pulled it back. "I can't leave a child to walk around the city on their own. Please come back inside, let me finish off my work, and I can drive you home."

"I have a bus ticket."

"I'm not letting you catch the bus."

"I caught it here."

"So?" Maura sighed. "You said you were hungry. At least eat something before you go."

He shrugged. "Okay."

They returned to the office. Jane had already taken a bite out of Maura's sandwich. "Sorry. I was hungry."

"Luke, this is Detective Jane Rizzoli, she likes food."

Jane rolled her eyes.

"Jane, this is Luke."

"Hello, Luke." She wiped her hand on her slacks and stood up, holding one out. Luke stared at it. "You can shake it, if you want."

He smiled and shook her hand. "Do you have a gun?"

Jane rolled her eyes. "Doesn't matter how old you are, you kids always ask about the gun."

"Can I see it?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"We have rules."

"I won't shoot anyone accidentally," he said, sitting down and picking up his sandwich. "I've used a gun before, I know how to shoot safely."

"You've learned how to shoot a gun?"

"Yeah, at school." He shrugged, then turned back to Jane, his face lit up.

"No can do, kid." Jane sat back down beside him and picked up the half of Maura's sandwich she'd already bitten into.

"Feel free to help yourself," Maura said, raising her eyebrows.

"I will, thanks," Jane said, about to take another bite of her sandwich. "So, Luke, how do you know Doctor Isles?"

He narrowed his eyes at Maura. "I…we used to know each other."

"A long time ago," Maura said. She focused her attention on her half sandwich, anything to distract her from Jane's eyes, or the silence that settled uncomfortably between them.

"Good talk," Jane said, after a while. She stood up. "I should get back. You wanna get drinks later?"

"I can't," Maura said. "I have to drive Luke home."

"Okay. I'll probably see you tomorrow then."

"Yes, tomorrow."

She left the room, pressed the button for the elevator and waited by the door. When the doors opened and closed around her, Maura felt a weight shift off her chest. She finished off the final bite of her sandwich.

"How is school?"

"School's school."

"What does that mean?"

"I go. I study."

"What is the name of your school? I'd like to find out more about it."

"Why?"

She pressed her lips together and leaned forward. "To know if you're getting the best education."

"Fairmont Academy is the highest achieving school in Vermont, the world class curriculum means all students will leave ready to continue their education at Ivy League institutions. The seven day week provides students with unique opportunities to expand their horizons through volunteer work, team sports, and creative challenges. Most recent alumni have gone on to become renowned surgeons, lawyers and professors." Maura stared at him. "It's on the website. I have a photographic memory."

"An eidetic memory?" Maura smiled. "Did you know it occurs in between only two and fifteen per cent of children?"

He shrugged and sat back against the chair. "Yeah, I know."

"It's a boarding school?"

"The finest boarding school on the East Coast, apparently."

"So, you came here from your school, not your father's," Maura said. "Why?"

"I was bored."

"You were bored." Maura frowned. "Most people who are bored read a book, or watch television. Most people don't leave their boarding school without permission – I'm assuming you were not given permission to be here – and travel interstate to visit someone they barely know."

"That's not my fault."

"No." Maura stared down at the floor. She cleared her throat and sat upright again. "You're welcome to use my laptop while I carry out an autopsy."

"You're cutting open a dead body?" he asked, smiling at her for the first time since he'd arrived. "Can I watch?"

"No, you can't watch." Maura pursed her lips. "You're too young to be seeing a dead body."

"I've already seen one."

"When?"

"Grandma."

"I didn't know she'd died."

"Last year." He stood up. "I wanna watch."

Maura observed him. His face was growing more profound, his shoulders broadening. He wasn't a little boy anymore. She tried to push the image of the toddler out of her mind. "Okay. Scientifically, it will be interesting and educational. Follow me."

x

"That was so much fun," Luke said, lying down on the couch. Maura reached across and pushed his feet off the arm. He sat upright and hugged a pillow. "Can I watch another?"

"No." Maura took a bottle of sparkling water out of her drawer and filled up a couple of glasses. She carried them over to the coffee table and placed one in front of Luke. "I have some paperwork to do. Perhaps you could write me a report on the autopsy."

"Why?"

"Why?" Maura took a sip of her drink. "You're supposed to be in school. You can't drop your studies, so we're going to make this as educational as possible."

"It already has been," he said. "Remember, eidetic memory, it's not like I'll forget it if I don't write it down. I hate writing reports."

"More reason to do it."

He rolled his eyes and picked up his drink. "I won't do it and you can't make me."

"You sound like a child."

"I am a child."

"Right." She placed her glass back down on the coffee table. The wisdom in his eyes astounded her. She didn't remember ever looking that sure of herself, or having the confidence to speak up to people when she was a teenager. "What do you like?"

"Dead bodies and guns." Maura stared at him, her mouth agape. "Relax. I'm joking."

"You need to do something while I finish off my paperwork."

"You got an X-Box?"

"A what-box?" He stared at her, then rolled his eyes. "No. I don't."

"Books?"

"I have medical journals."

"No Game of Thrones?"

"Your father lets you read that?"

He shrugged. "He doesn't know."

"But it's violent and sexually inappropriate."

"I'm fourteen, not ten."

"You said it yourself, you are a child. You shouldn't be reading books written for adults."

"Guess the medical journals will have to do," he said. "Though I don't think they're on the required reading list for ninth graders."

"No, I don't suppose they are," Maura said. She walked over to the bookcase and pulled off a couple of the latest journals, along with a copy of To Kill a Mockingbird. She placed them on the table in front of Luke.

"That's the only book I have in the office, unless you'd like to read about the different cancers of the body, or bone conditions."

He turned the book over and scanned the back cover. "Read it."

"What was your verdict?"

"Can't remember, ask my eighth grade English teacher."

He picked up a medical journal and lay back against the couch, flicking through the pages. Maura returned to her desk. She tried to focus on the paperwork, but Luke's attention over the journal distracted her. Her eyes lingered over the top of her laptop. Her lips curved at the edges as Luke crossed one leg over the other; his tongue rested out of the side of his mouth, his eyes fixed on the words in front of him.

Her cellphone buzzed against her desk, then rang out loudly. Maura sighed and pulled her attention away from the boy. She picked up the phone. "Isles."

x

Jane stood with her arms folded across her chest when Maura arrived. She unbuckled her seatbelt and turned to Luke.

"I need you to stay here. I won't be long, then I should be able to drive you home."

"I wanna come and see the body."

"No. The only reason you're here at all is because I have no other choice. You will stay in the car until I get back."

Maura glared at him, until he rolled his eyes and shrugged. He opened up the medical journal he'd brought with him, rested his feet on the dashboard, and waved a hand at her. She narrowed her eyes, then got out of the car. A swarm of reporters circled her. She pushed her way through the crowd with little more than "no comment" and joined Jane on the other side of the police tape.

"Is this a high profile case?"

"It wasn't until uniform found a wallet in the back yard. ID is Albert Smithson."

"Is that the Mayor's son?"

"One and the same." Jane rested a hand against her back and they walked across the path toward the house. "We've got a rush on the autopsy, direct orders from the Mayor's office, can you do it tonight?"

"I," Maura paused and turned around, she watched Luke through the window, his tongue sticking out of his mouth again. She smiled. "Yes. I suppose I can."

x

"They're going to deliver the body now," Maura said. "I need to speak to Luke's father to arrange for him to collect him, then I can do the autopsy."

"I'll catch you back at BPD," Jane said.

Maura walked down the path toward her car. Her heart ached, disappointed that she wouldn't get to drive Luke home. She pursed her lips and tried to compose herself before she sat down in the driver's seat.

"We going now?"

"Not quite." Maura gripped the wheel. "I'm going to need your father's phone number. I can't take you home tonight, he'll have to collect you."

Luke sighed and slouched further down in his seat, he refocused himself on the journal. "Right."

"It can't be helped," Maura said. "I was looking forward to talking with you on the drive, but unfortunately a situation has cropped up with work."

"Work, yeah," he said. "Good luck getting hold of my dad, he's in China."

"China?"

"He got a promotion and had to relocate."

"Your father moved to China and left you at boarding school?" Maura's heart sunk. She reached a hand out to his arm, but retreated before she reached it. Twelve years was a long time and she didn't know what the boundary was.

"I was going to go to Fairmont before he got the promotion."

"Is there anyone who can pick you up and take you back to school?"

"My ex-step-mom, but she's probably drunk by now." He shrugged. "I dunno."

"Your father got married?"

"Twice."

"How do you feel about that?"

He shrugged again. "What is there to say? His first wife was nice, but she wanted a kid of her own. I've not seen her since I was about seven. His second was a drunk."

"That sounds very unsettling."

"I didn't really notice, after Clarissa left I got an au pair and I spent most of the time with her."

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah."

"I don't really want to let you get the bus," Maura said, her eyebrows pulled together. "Perhaps I could hire someone to drive you."

"No."

"Why not?"

"I don't want a stranger to drive me back to school. Can't I just stay here tonight? You can drive me tomorrow."

"I don't know if I'll have time." She put her key in the ignition and turned it until the engine sprang to life. "I'm hardly someone you know."

"I can stay until you have time," he said.

"Luke."

"I came to see you," he said, sitting up and throwing the journal against his knees. He stared at her, his face red, his eyes flashed with rage. "I came to spend some time with you."

Maura averted her gaze. "Your father wouldn't be happy about that."

"It's not up to him. He left me here."

"You need to go back to school where you belong."

"Did you ever want me?"

The question hit Maura like a bullet, her throat closed over and she felt the familiar sting of tears. He stared at her, expectantly, almost demanding. She fixed her gaze, not wanting to let him down.

She tried to speak but her voice broke. "Luke."

"Don't Luke me. I recognise that tone of voice." His own voice fractured. He swiped the back of his hand across his cheek. "Dad does it all the time whenever I ask. He acts like you don't matter, but you _do_ matter."

"You don't even know me. You can't stay with a stranger."

"I don't need to know you, you're my mother."

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 **Author Note : Yes. I really did do that. I anticipate at least one person claiming Maura is out of character by doing what she did. But there are reasons, non-out-of-character reasons which I hope to reveal in due course.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Author Note** **: Wait, what? Wow! I wasn't expecting that much response, certainly not that much good response. Thank you all so much for the reviews, favourites & follows. I think my emails exploded between this, Caecus, Rookie and Lullaby. So, you're all on board? Great to have you here. Let's get this thing started, onwards with chapter two!**

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"You know it's not as simple as that," Maura said.

"Yes, it is." He moved his feet off the dashboard and sat upright. "You gave birth to me, then you left me with him. You owe me this."

"I owe you so much more," Maura said, her shoulders hunched forward. She put her key into the ignition. "We can't sit here all day."

"So let me stay."

Maura put the car into drive, her foot pressed against the brake. She turned to Luke. He gritted his teeth, a look of hope and expectation housed in his eyes. Maura sighed. "If you give me your dad's number in China, then maybe one night won't hurt."

x

"I come bearing Chinese food," Jane said, pushing open Maura's office door with her foot. She lowered the pile of boxes onto the coffee table.

"That's ironic."

She glanced up at the sound of Luke's voice. "Hey. You're still here?"

"Still here," he said, crossing one leg over the other on the coffee table.

She pushed his feet off the table. "You can guarantee that table's worth more than you've probably seen in cash. Good job I brought heaps of food, you like Chinese?"

He shrugged and placed his feet flat on the floor. "It's alright."

"Where's Doctor Isles?"

He glanced toward the door to the examination room. Jane placed the last of the boxes on the table and walked across the office and on through to where Maura was in the middle of conducting the autopsy.

"I thought you were gonna call before you started," Jane said.

Maura turned around, her hand inches from her chest. "Gosh, Jane. You scared me."

"Sorry." She folded her arms. "The autopsy. You were gonna let me watch."

"I wanted to get it finished so I can take Luke home," she said, leaning back over the body, her scalpel in hand.

"It's nearly eight," Jane said. "What's he still doing here? Isn't there anyone who can pick him up?"

She stood upright and glanced back at Jane. She sighed. "He's waiting for me to finish so I can take him home, and no, there's no one."

"Alright." She walked across the room and stood opposite Maura, watching her slice the heart from the rest of the body. She narrowed her eyes. "You're in a mood."

"I'm not in a mood."

"Sure seems like a mood to me."

"I can assure you," Maura said. "I'm not in a mood."

"If you say so."

"I do." Maura placed the heart into a stainless steel dish. "The longer you're here asking me questions, the longer it'll take for me to finish."

"Can you take a break?" Jane motioning toward the office. "I brought Chinese food."

"How coincidental," Maura said.

Jane narrowed her eyes. "That's what Luke said, kinda."

"Is it?"

"Maura, whose kid is he?"

She sighed and pulled off her gloves, disposing of them in the hazardous waste bin beside the table. She pulled a protective sheet across the body and went to wash her hands.

"Maura?"

"I'm taking a break like you asked," she said, squirting anti-bacterial soap onto her hands. "So we can eat."

"Great. But who does the kid belong to? Is he the kid of a friend I don't know? What is he doing here?"

She ran the faucet. "He came to see me."

Jane picked up a scalpel and stared at her mirror-like reflection. "If he wasn't wearing a poncy private school uniform I'd have guessed he was in that Big Brother, Little Brother thing, though I thought they paired boys with men."

"He's not in that program," Maura said. "He'll be staying at my house tonight, just as soon as I can get hold of his father to confirm it's okay."

Maura shut off the faucet and dried her hands on a couple of paper towels. She walked toward the door. Jane dropped the scalpel back onto the tray, her eyebrows pulled together. "He's staying with you?"

"Yes." Maura hovered, her hand against the handle. "Do you have a problem with that, Jane?"

"No problem," she said, following Maura out to her office.

x

Maura perched on the edge of her chair, her eyes darted back and forth between Jane and Luke as they discussed the latest baseball league scores. She felt pointless, like a wordless participant in an otherwise lively debate. She searched her mind for any ounce of knowledge she had on the matter and came up empty handed.

"Do you play baseball at school?" she asked, despite the previous train of conversation focusing on who should be player of the year.

"No," Luke said, picking up one of the containers and emptying it onto his plate. "I used to play as a kid but dad wanted me to try out for county."

"You didn't want to?" Jane asked.

"No." He sat back against the couch, and swiped the front of his hair to one side. "I'd rather play the drums."

Jane leaned forward, her elbows on her knees. "You're a drummer?"

"Been playing for two years."

"That's cool," Jane said, chewing a mouthful of noodles.

Maura narrowed her eyes, she placed her plate onto the table and sat back. "I didn't know you were interested in music."

"Yeah." He shrugged.

"I always wanted to play the drums," Jane said.

His face lit up. "Really?"

Maura's heart sank. The conversation continued without her. She didn't know much about the drums, either. Her musical knowledge fit into two categories; charted music of the eighties and nineties, and classical music. She'd learned the violin in elementary school but gave it up in favour of science.

"Maura's big on music," Jane said. Hearing her name, Maura turned her attention away from her food. "Aren't you, Maur?"

"I sometimes listen to classical music while I work. In fact, that's exactly what I was doing when the officer came down to let me know you had arrived."

"Like Beethoven and Chopin?"

"The album I was listening to is modern classical music, there's a stunning American violinist who writes her own scores. Though I do hold a soft spot for Bach."

"And the cello," Jane said.

Maura opened her mouth then closed it again, her eyes fixed on Jane. "You remembered?"

"'Course," she said. "When you die you want Bach something or other played on the cello."

Luke picked up a nearly empty container of egg fried rice and tipped it onto his plate. "I had to do a school project on Mozart last year."

"I imagine it's fascinating," Maura said, stealing glances from Jane. "I'd love to read it."

He shrugged. "I think it got lost when we moved."

" _Oh_." Maura returned her plate to the coffee table and stood up. "I'll leave you to finish eating, I need to complete the autopsy."

x

After tidying away the food, Jane opened the office door and walked across the examination room. Maura stood over a dish with the lungs inside, a pair of tweezers in her hand, and magnifying goggles over her eyes. She pulled something from the edge of the sliced lung and dropped it into a small dish.

"What's that?"

"A tiny sliver of glass," Maura said, focused closer on the lung. She pulled another out and dropped it in beside the first. "Somehow our victim has glass in his lungs."

"How the hell did that happen?"

Maura glanced behind at Jane. "Ordinarily I would have assumed the victim worked somewhere that glass residue and dust can be breathed in. Given that Albert here was the Mayor's son, it's possible something else happened."

"We're working on finding out where he worked," Jane said.

"I'll continue to analyse the samples I've pulled from his body."

She reverted her attention to Albert Smithson's lungs. Jane stood on the sideline, watching her cut and slice, peeling away bits of flesh and organ for examination, and fresh slivers of glass, until she placed the rest of the flesh in a bag ready to be returned to the chest cavity.

"Maura?" Jane asked, turning to get a glimpse of Luke sat in the office.

She barely glanced up, removing her goggles. "Yes?"

"I didn't know there was a kid called Luke in your life," she said, sighing. "You usually tell me everything."

"As I said earlier," she said, placing the bag of lungs back into the cavity along with the other orangs. "I've not seen him for many years."

"How old?"

"He's fourteen."

"No," Jane said. "I mean how old was he when you last saw him?"

"What does it matter?" Maura picked up a needle and began pulling the skin back together. "He was two."

Squinting her eyes, Jane walked around the body and stared at Maura, until she lifted her gaze. "Why would he know to come and see you?"

"You're asking a lot of questions," Maura said, leaning closer as she pulled another stitch through skin. "Very invasive questions."

Knowing Maura as well as Jane did, she felt unsettled. She couldn't stand not knowing. Maura's behaviour didn't settle her queries, if anything, it only made her more suspicious.

"I'm trying to understand why a fourteen year old has turned up on your doorstep, when you haven't seen each other in over a decade. And you're letting him stay overnight."

Maura sighed. She stood up, abandoning the needle partway through a stitch. She stared at Jane. "Why do I feel like I'm being interrogated?"

"Because you're being defensive and avoiding answering my questions," said Jane. She reached out and grasped Maura's hand. "I don't mean to sound like I'm interrogating you. I'm being nosy, and I'm worried."

She reclaimed her hand and clenched it at her side. "Please, stop."

"Not until you tell me who he is," Jane said.

"Just because you're my girlfriend does not give you a right to know everything about me."

"Really?" Jane folded her arms. "That's exactly what I thought it meant."

"I can't," Maura replied, her voice cracked under pressure. She worked through the rest of the stitches in silence.

Jane fixed her gaze on Maura, desperately wanting more. When nothing came, she frowned. "Okay, now you're worrying me."

"Worrying you?" Maura stood up and pulled the protective sheet back across the body. She carried the tools across to the sink and ran the faucet. "You have nothing to be worried about."

Jane followed her across the room and stood at her side, purposefully invading her personal space. Maura turned her head to Jane. "What are you doing?"

"I know you, Maura." She placed a hand on each of Maura's shoulders and met her gaze, twisting her further round. "I know who you are, I know how you would act in different situations. I know your heart. But right now you're behaving like someone who is trying to hide something from me, and when a child who is neither related to you, nor appears to have any ties to you, shows up and he's staying over at your house, my alarm bells start to ring."

"There's no need." Maura stepped back. Jane's arms dropped at her sides. She covered her hands in soap. "You have nothing to be worried about."

"Then why can't you tell me? What's the big secret?"

"I'm not willing to get into this conversation with you now," she said, rinsing her hands off and drying them on paper towels. She pushed past Jane and headed toward the door. "I need to take Luke home."

"To your house."

"Jane," she said, stopping before she could open the door. As much as she wanted to take her son home, the thought of spending hours in the same place as him unsettled her. They were strangers, and she didn't anticipate an hour before bed to change that. Her shoulders sunk.

"Do you want me to put a trace on you? Do you want me to investigate you?"

Maura spun around, her expression fixed and cold. "You have no just cause."

"The unrelated child you've suddenly decided to start housing is just cause," Jane said.

She closed her eyes and breathed in slowly. "I thought our relationship meant you trusted me."

"I do."

"Then you should trust that what is happening is legal, and morally acceptable." She lowered her gaze. "I need you to stop pushing me on this."

"Why?"

"Because I can't do this right now." Her voice raised in a way that Jane very rarely heard. She stepped back slightly, retreated. "We can't have this conversation today. Maybe tomorrow, once I've taken Luke back to boarding school."

She shook her head. "Do his school know where he is?"

"Of course they do. I rang them when we got back from the crime scene."

"And they just accepted your word?"

"I'm the Chief Medical Examiner for the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, they have absolutely no reason not to."

"Right. Because people in prominent positions don't do bad things."

" _Jane_." Maura crossed her arms, her eyes tightened, glistening under the harsh examination room light. "Are you seriously accusing me of a crime? Child endangerment? Kidnap?"

"I didn't say anything about kidnap." She stepped forward, closing her eyes. She gripped Maura's wrist. "But look at this from my point of view."

"I have." She snatched her hand away. "You say you know me, yet you're accusing me of crimes, instead of trusting me."

"I'm a cop, Maura, it's what I do."

"You're being a jerk right now."

"A jerk? What is with you? It's my job to make sure people are safe, to make sure you're safe. Why won't you be honest with me?"

"It's too hard," she said, wrapping her arms protectively around her stomach. Her eyes moved suspiciously about the room, anywhere but at Jane. "If I tell you the truth then I have to tell you about something that I haven't spoken about, ever. Please, please don't push me."

"Okay." The familiar sting of tears created tiny rivers down Maura's face. She wiped at her cheeks. Jane realised she'd pushed too hard. She ran her hand across her upper arm. "Okay. You can go."

"Thank you."

x

Placing a towel down on the spare bed, Maura hovered by the door. Luke sat on one side, his eyes fixed on the television across the room. She watched him, committing to memory the shape of his features; the curve of his chin, the length of his nose, the natural redness of his lips. He was handsome. He was a nice boy. She held the phone out to him.

"It's time we called your father."

"Do we have to?" Luke barely took his eyes off the cars driving across screen. "He won't care."

"I think he will," she said. "If only that you came to me."

"I don't know what the big deal is," Luke said, eventually turning his attention over to Maura. She perched on the edge of the bed and handed him the phone.

Muting the television, Luke dialled the number and held the phone against his ear. "Hey, Dad."

Maura sat back against the headboard, her eyes fixed on Luke. She waited, her heart thrummed against her chest, her mind lost in the fog of nerves. It had been a long time since she'd spoken to Luke's father.

"I know I said I'd stay in school," Luke said. "But I didn't want to."

A crease formed between his eyebrows, his jaw tensed up. She straightened out the front of her dress, then plumped the pillows, anything to distract herself.

"Yes. Mom."

Her heart ached, her lips curved at the sides. A couple of tears strolled down her cheek. Maura smiled at her son, at the boy she once thought she'd never see again. He turned to her, rolling his eyes, then smiled as he handed her the phone.

"He's angry, but he wants to talk to you."

She hesitated. The last conversation they had twelve years ago was fresh in mind. She wasn't ready. She didn't think she'd ever be ready to reopen those wounds.

"Hello," she said, swallowing the lump that settled in the back of her throat. She listened to the tirade that followed, silently. When the opportunity presented itself, she waded in. "I understand you're angry. I didn't ask him to come, I was as surprised as you are. I was going to drive him home but he insisted on staying until tomorrow and I had work to do."

Maura rolled her eyes, her lips curved as Luke grinned at her, rolling his eyes over and over again. She tapped him on the arm and shook her head.

"He's clearly unhappy with something." Maura sighed, listening to his protest. "I didn't blame you. I merely highlighted something I've noticed. I don't intend to fight you for custody, I'm trying to do the right thing by Luke."

Luke's smile faded, his jaw tightened again. Maura's heart sunk. She turned away, resting her elbow against her knee.

"I'm sorry you feel that way. I could drive him back tonight but it's late. I'm happy to take him to school, but it will have to wait until the morning." She waited for him to finish speaking again. "Perhaps if you hadn't moved halfway across the world he'd be more willing to stay in school."

She sighed. Her mind felt stronger, clearer, than it had been twelve years ago. But she was pulled right back to that time, to the feelings that coursed through her veins.

"This isn't about you or me. Perhaps we should ask Luke what he wants to do." She pulled the phone away from her ear and held it toward Luke. "He wants to speak to you."

He held the phone back up to his ear and listened, the crease between his eyebrows grew deeper and deeper. "I want to stay with Mom."

The hairs on the back of her neck stood on end, goose pimples travelled across her skin. She tried to shake her head. It wouldn't move. She felt an ounce of hope spread through her. She fought it, pushing it down.

"You don't care, you're too busy with your new life," Luke said. "Just for a while, until you next come home."

He nodded and handed the phone back to Maura.

"Hello," she said, listening to him again. She frowned, her eyes narrowed at Luke, her heart beat faster. "I understand that, but if that's what he wants then I'm willing to care for him. Things are different now."

Luke kneeled up, tapping the bedsheets with his hand, impatience evident. Maura watched, listened and waited.

"Two weeks," she said. Luke jumped onto the bed and fist pumped the air. He wrapped his arms around her, bringing the biggest smile to her face. "I think he's very happy with that. I'll make the arrangements, and I promise, he'll call you tomorrow."

She pressed the end call button and dropped the phone on to the bed. Luke removed his arms from around her shoulders and sat down in front of her.

"He said I can stay, didn't he?"

Maura pressed her lips together, quite unsure as to how one night had turned into a fortnight. "You can stay, but only until the school break when he'll be coming home."

"Thank you, thank you, thank you," he said, hugging her again. "Two weeks' extra holiday!"

Maura rested a hand across his back, taken aback by his repeated displays of affections. She slipped her other hand over his shirt and rested her chin against his shoulder. "That's not what's going to happen, I'll see to it that you continue with your education."

"I don't care," he said, squeezing her tightly. "Thank you."

* * *

 **Author Note : Yes, Jane and Maura are together. I figured established Rizzles would probably work best here (and after all the angsty get-togethers I assume you'll all be very happy with that). And I know, she really needs to tell Jane...**


	3. Chapter 3

**Author Note : Thank you, so much. What an amazing response, again. I am so honoured to have you all here, to know that you're enjoying my new story. It's going to be a rollercoaster; I hope it'll be one worth riding, and one that you don't get sick of halfway. I'm really enjoying writing this one.**

 **I have to work tomorrow, so won't be rushing out another chapter - hopefully I'll have one up by the end of Monday at the latest. I'm also working on a one-shot that takes place after Paris, though I may be persuaded to make it a longer story.**

* * *

Around midnight, Maura placed the novel she'd been reading on her bedside cabinet and flicked off the lamp. She lay in the darkness, wide awake and conscious of the boy sleeping in the next room. She tried to picture his face, but all she could see was his two-year-old self staring up at her with a toothy grin. Regret and guilt pierced her heart. She didn't know how long it would take to form a memory of his current appearance, or to stop the pain of his existence; she hoped it wouldn't be too long. If she got the opportunity at all.

After half an hour, she reached for her cell phone to call Jane, then stopped. Remembering the truth she hadn't told her, the words she hadn't spoken aloud. She opened up her messages anyway.

 _"I love you, Maura x"_

Pressing send, she waited, staring at the small screen until the three circles appeared and a moment later she got Jane's response.

 _"I love you too."_

The abrupt end unsettled her further. She started another message, then deleted it, until she'd tried to write something several times only to give up completely. She returned her cell to the cabinet and lay back down.

She sat up at the sound of thunder in the distance. She stilled, listening intently to the silence that followed. Then another crack sliced through the night, and the constant tapping of rain against the window shrouded the house. Another tap infiltrated the sound of the rain; louder, longer.

"Come in," she said, staring at the door.

It opened. Cloaked in moonlight from the window in the hallway, Luke stood in a pair of sweatpants and an oversized shirt that reached his knees – the only clothing she could find.

"Are you okay?"

He shrugged. "Couldn't sleep."

"Me neither," she said, patting the bed beside her. "Would you like to sit for a few minutes?"

Another crack of thunder preceded a flash of lightening. The room lit up, then darkened. Maura turned the lamp back on. Luke stalked across the room, the ends of the sweatpants dragged across the floor. She smiled, thankful for another opportunity to attempt to build the relationship they'd never really had.

"A new bed is never easy to sleep in," Maura said.

"No," he said, leaning back against the headboard.

She perched herself up beside him. "How do you usually sleep at school?"

"Better."

"You know," she said. "I went to boarding school when I was your age."

"I didn't know that."

"I suppose the only difference is I chose to go," Maura said, pushing the uncomfortable feeling regarding that period of her life to one side. "I chose to leave my family because I was unhappy."

"Oh."

"I take it your father made that decision for you."

He shrugged. "He said it was a good school."

"You're an intelligent young man," Maura said. She pressed her fingertips to the edge of her eye, brushing away the tears that formed. "Someone I can be proud to call my son."

He pursed his lips, his fists balled on his lap. Maura's heart sank. He stared down at the bedsheets. "You didn't do anything."

"I know." She closed her eyes and lowered her gaze. "I wish I'd had more of a role in your life."

"Then why didn't you?"

"I want to tell you," she said, forging a smile. "There's just too much to say, and I don't want to harm your relationship with your father. It wouldn't be fair on either of you."

He rolled his eyes and scurried off the side of the bed. "I knew you'd say that."

"Luke, where are you going?"

"Back to bed," he said, gritting his teeth.

Maura closed her eyes, nodding, as she listened to his footsteps pad across the carpet. The door closed. Eventually, she reopened her eyes. Another flash of lightening. She climbed off the bed and opened her closet door. On the top shelf she found a small shoebox, which she placed on her lap and sat back up against the headboard.

She didn't have much, there wasn't time in the two short years they were together, but they were all she had managed to take with her. Three photographs, well-worn at the corners. The wristband he'd worn in hospital the day he was born. His first onesie. A tiny pair of handprints on a sheet of paper they'd done a week before she left. She pushed the contents to one side and slipped back down on the bed. She rolled away from them and shut off the light. Teardrops slipped along her face, down toward her pillow, pooling in her ear.

At some point, in the midst of the tears, the door creaked and a pair of arms slipped around her shoulders. She twisted round to find Luke sitting there, his blue eyes dark with the absence of any real source of light.

"I'm sorry," she said, wiping her face. "I didn't want you to see me like this."

"It's okay."

She slid her arms around his back and pulled him in tight. He smelled different than she remembered, yet so much the same. Fresh tears continued their descent. She ran a hand across the back of his head, like she used to do when he was a toddler.

"The last time I held you like this," she whispered.

"It was thundering, like tonight."

She pulled away, her breath caught in her throat. "You remember?"

"Barely." She squeezed his hand. "I just remember you being there until I fell asleep."

"Would you like to see the things I kept, from when you were a toddler?"

"Okay."

She turned the light on again and moved across the bed. He hopped up beside her. She handed him the wristband. "This was from the day you were born; seeing you now, it's hard to believe you were ever so tiny. You were three weeks premature. There was a storm, like tonight, and your father nearly didn't make it to the hospital in time."

x

Jane sat down on the couch in the guest house, her mother sat beside her with a bowl of cereal and a mug of steaming coffee. She waited, hopeful that the all-seeing, all-knowing woman she'd grown up with, would know more. When no information was shared, she sighed.

"Spill."

"Spill what?" Angela asked, checking her shirt.

"The kid, Ma. Who is the kid?"

"Which kid? How should I know?"

The pressure in her forehead built with the deepening of the crease. She sipped her coffee, checking her mother's face for any hint of deception.

"The child staying at Maura's," she said, leaning forward. "I know you know who is he. You know everything that's going on."

"I don't know everything," Angela said. She dropped her spoon into the bowl and placed it on the coffee table. "First I've heard."

"How?"

"I don't spend my every waking hour in the house, Janie. When did he arrive?"

"Yesterday."

"I was working yesterday, didn't get in til late, and I haven't been in this morning because I know you're working on a big case. I thought I'd give Maura some space to recuperate."

Gritting her teeth, Jane rolled her eyes back and sighed. "You're no help."

"I'm sorry I can't be the person you obviously want me to be," she said. "But I ain't God, I don't know everything. Why don't you just ask her yourself? Surely Maura will tell you who he is if you'd just ask."

"I did, and she won't."

"At all?"

"No." The cushion molded to her back, pulling her into a place of comfort. Jane closed her eyes for a moment. Between Maura and the case, she could have benefited from a few more hours sleep. "Why won't she tell me, Ma?"

"I don't know, Janie."

"She knows I'm not very good at talking about things, she's the one that asked me to be honest with her. I thought it went both ways."

"I'm sure Maura believes it should."

"Then why won't she tell me?" She cupped her mug in front of her mouth, breathing in the earthy scent of her coffee. "She doesn't keep secrets, that's not Maura."

"Except Ian."

"Ian who?"

"Her ex-boyfriend, or whatever you might have considered him to be," Angela said, crunching on another mouthful of cereal. "The hot Australian."

"Her fuck buddy," Jane said, glaring across at Angela. "I'd rather not be reminded of one of the many reasons Maura and I didn't get together sooner."

Angela rolled her eyes and laughed. "You didn't get together sooner because of you, Jane, not the men in your lives. My point is when Ian came for a visit, Maura became secretive."

"That's true," she said, sitting forward again. "The bit about Ian, not me being the reason we didn't get together."

"No?" Angela shrugged. "I thought you were too scared to risk your friendship."

Leaning further forward, Jane narrowed her eyes. "Who told you th...did Maura tell you that?"

"I'm your mother, Janie. I know you better than anyone."

"No, you don't."

The idea that Angela knew her better than anyone had never sat well with her, not as a teenager, or in the years she spent doing little more than work and have the occasional boyfriend. Especially not as an adult, who lived away from home and had her own, very independent, life.

"I know you skinned a knee every week in the fourth grade, you were reckless that year. I thought we'd never make it to your next birthday."

"That proves nothing."

"I know you get a little wrinkle on your forehead when you're feeling emotional, even if you don't say anything."

She placed her fingertips between her eyebrows. "That is kinda true."

"And I know that when you were sixteen you lost your virginity in the backseat of your father's..."

"How the hell did you know that?" she asked, her mouth dropped open.

Raising her eyebrows, she stared at Jane, a small smirk pushed her lips out of symmetry. "I'm your mother. I know things."

Sighing, Jane stood up, abandoning her half-drunk coffee on the table in front of her. "Well, you don't know which position I like to try in the bedroom, or where Maura needs to touch me to get me in a state, so you don't know everything, do you?"

"There are some things a mother should never know."

She threw her fist against her thigh and groaned. "Why don't you know who he is?"

"Ask her again. Eventually she's gotta tell you something."

"Unless she doesn't," she said, picking up her jacket. She leaned over and kissed Angela on the cheek. "Thanks Ma, I'll catch you later."

x

"I brought bagels," Jane said, walking into the kitchen the next morning. She placed the bag on the counter and headed straight for Maura. She lay a hand on her hip and leaned in.

Maura stepped back, placing her fingers on Jane's mouth. "Hold that thought."

Luke entered the room carrying his school uniform, fresh from the laundry. "When are we gonna get my clothes from school?"

"I'll arrange to have some sent over, in the meantime we can go shopping," Maura said, refilling her coffee mug. "Go get changed, I have to go to work."

"Can I watch another autopsy today?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"If your father knew I'd allowed you to watch one autopsy, I'm sure he'd be unhappy. So that's your limit."

He placed the clothes on the counter and opened the bag of bagels. "Even if it's educational?"

"Even then." Maura took a bagel out of the bag. "Eat that while you change. We need to leave in fifteen minutes."

He groaned and walked out of the room, tugging up the edges of his long sleeves. Maura smiled, her attention diverted until Jane waved a hand in front of her face.

"Hello," she said. "What was that?"

"Sorry," Maura said. "You were about to kiss me."

Jane raised her eyebrows, her mouth agape. "Seriously? You want me to kiss you now?"

"Was that not what you were about to do before Luke came in the room?"

"Yeah, that's what I was about to do."

"Now he's gone, you may kiss me," Maura said, closing the gap.

Jane turned away. "I don't wanna."

"Why not?"

She moved back, distancing herself from Maura. "Because you're still lying to me about something and I don't like it."

"Jane."

"I know. It's too hard, you'd rather keep it a secret, yada, yada, yada," she said, rolling her eyes. "Except now you're talking with him like he's going to be staying longer."

"He is." Maura took a bagel out of the bag and handed it back to Jane. "I spoke to his father and he's going to stay for two weeks before his father returns from China."

Jane's eyes grew wide again, taken aback. "And who is his father? Who is this kid?"

She took another mug out of the cupboard and filled it with coffee. She handed it to Jane. "I need to finish getting ready for work."

"Is he Ian's?"

"Where did that come from?" Maura frowned. "I haven't spoken to Ian since…well, since he visited years ago. All you need to know is that Luke was an important part of my life a long time ago."

"That's all I need to know?" Jane put the mug down on the counter. "Seriously?"

"Please, Jane, we've talked about this."

"Not enough."

Rubbing her temple, Maura finished the rest of her coffee and filled the mug with water. She stood at the window, staring out at the edge of her garden. The spring flowers were rearing their heads, opening out their petals for the world to see.

"We have a significant case to work on," Maura said. "I anticipate today being exceptionally busy. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to organise some things to keep Luke occupied today."

She walked around the edge of the counter toward her bookcase. Jane moved around the opposite site, stopping in front of her, blocking her path. "No."

"What do you mean no?"

"I mean no." She folded her arms and stared into Maura's eyes. The piercing glare made Maura retreat slightly. "We've been together for months. We promised we'd always be honest with each other. I've been holding up my end of the deal, even though I hate talking about my feelings. So spill. Or I'll arrest you."

She glanced at the rug in the living area, following the spiral pattern around and around. Jane's voice strained and it made her feel guilty. She hated the uncertainty spreading through her veins, forcing her into a situation she didn't ask for.

"Now _that_ you have no just cause for," she said, turning around and walking across the room.

"Maura!" Jane shouted, her voice following close behind.

"I need you to give me some more time," she said, turning around again.

"How long?"

"I don't know."

"Does he even know we're together?"

Maura creased her eyes, confused by the direction of their conversation. "Why would he?"

Jane tried to smile but it barely reached her eyes. "Because you love me, and I'm important to you."

"Of course you're important to me," Maura said, reaching out to Jane's elbow.

"Funny." Jane shrugged her hand away. "Because right now I feel like I'm just your annoying detective friend."

What sounded like a herd of elephants bounced down the stairs; Luke slung his backpack over his shoulder, his school shirt tucked haphazardly into his pants. "Ready."

"No you're not," Maura said, pointing to his shirt. He rolled his eyes and tucked it neatly into the waistband. "Great, let's go."

Picking up her keys and purse, Maura opened the front door. Luke sped down the driveway, with Maura at his heel.

"We're not finished, Maura."

"Yes, we are," she said, unlocking the car.

"No, we're not."

She slipped into the driver's seat and waited for Luke to buckle up beside her. She closed the door and opened the driver's side window. Jane stood a few feet away, lines creased her forehead.

"Fine." Maura forged a smile. "You want to know?"

"I do."

She put the car into reverse and rolled slowly down the driveway. "Luke is my son."

Jane's eyes grew wider, her chin dropped and her mouth sat open. "Wait, what?"

"Goodbye, Jane," she said, placing her foot on the accelerator. The car moved faster.

"You can't just tell me that and leave," she shouted, walking across the driveway to stand in front of the car.

The confusion, the betrayal, in her eyes should have been enough for Maura to stop the car and talk to her. But the tumultuous feelings battled it out inside. She couldn't breathe, so she focused on the one thing she knew how to do; drive.

"Maura!"

Luke turned in his seat. Jane stared back at him as they turned onto the road and sped off. A couple of tears gathered in her eyes. She brushed them aside and refocused her attention on the road ahead.

"What was that?" Luke asked, turning on the radio.

She turned it off. "Nothing for you to concern yourself with."

"It was about me," he said, turning it on again.

"Please leave it alone," she said, turning it off once more. Her voice more strained than she anticipated. "I told Jane that you were my son."

"I know that." He frowned. "Why didn't she already know?"

"Why would she?" Maura slowed the car down as they approached a stop light.

"Because I'm your son, duh."

"Duh?" Maura glanced at him. "Who taught you that?"

"I dunno." He shrugged.

The car fell silent. Maura had little to say. Her emotions were already hitting maximum and she couldn't think straight to speak. She'd opened a can of worms she wasn't ready to deal with, and she had no idea what the ramifications were.

"Can I at least look at the bodies?" Luke asked, once they'd been driving for a few more minutes.

"No."

"Can I help with the experiments?"

"Which experiments?"

"You know," he said. "The tissue samples and finger prints."

"How do you know about those?" She narrowed her eyes. The desire to cry overwhelmed her. She pressed her lips together, hoping to ward off the depth of the feeling. "I can't allow that."

"Every cop show ever," he said. "Why not?"

Focusing on the methodical detail brought about a sense of calm. "We're required to ensure that there's an official chain of events with all evidence. If they found out a teenage boy had been helping out, it would not go down well in court."

"Oh."

"But perhaps we can find other samples for you to analyse." She pushed a smile across her face. The least she could do was show her son a good time, even if she was falling apart inside. "Your own hair and tissue samples, for example."

"Can I do yours?"

"Sure."

* * *

 **Author Note** **: In the words of '10 Things I Hate About You' the shit hath hiteth the fan...eth. So, Jane knows...dun, dun, duuuh! (LOL)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Author Note : Surprise! I had a bit of time at work before things kicked off, and there wasn't really anything else to do, so I wrote part of this chapter. Which meant when I got home I had time to finish it completely! Thank you *so* much for yet more amazing responses. I totally understand some people are mad at Maura, and some even mad at Jane. It's such a difficult situation for them both, I just hope that once everything does come out, it'll be worth the wait.**

* * *

Maura put on her white lab coat and pinned her hair back, securing it with a hair net. She laid a couple of books down on the coffee table, along with a packet of seeds and nuts, and a ten-dollar note.

"It'll take about an hour for me to complete the preliminary tests on the Smithson case," she said. "There's water in the refrigerator, if you wish to purchase a coke, or orange juice, you may go upstairs. I want you to read at least the first chapter of one of the books, it's your choice which."

"Okay," Luke said, kicking off his shoes and putting his feet up on the couch.

"Afterwards we can have a go at using some of the equipment."

He picked up one of the books and flipped to the first page. "Great."

Maura watched him for a moment. His tongue moved to the side of his mouth again. She walked around the table and pushed his feet off the couch, sitting down beside him. He curled his legs up in the space he had left.

She rested a hand on his knee, pulling his attention away from the novel. "I'm sorry...about last night."

He frowned, shrugged and glanced back at the page.

"I shouldn't have been upset in front of you," she said. "It was out of line and it won't happen again."

"I don't mind," he said, barely glancing up.

"Well, I do." Maura reached out and closed the book around her finger, saving his place. He shrugged again and stared at her. "I'm the adult, you're the child. You're not here to look after me when I get emotional."

"I think I get it."

"You do?"

"It's weird. I've not seen you since I was really young but you feel really familiar," he said.

"Yes," Maura said. "It's been twelve years, but it's the same for me. I don't really know you, you're your own person now. Before you didn't really know what you wanted in the world, you'd look to me for guidance. Now you're growing into your own person. I know that's without any of my input, but it's still the reality."

"Why didn't you tell Jane about me?"

Maura breathed out slowly. "That's a difficult question to answer."

"But she's your friend, right? You guys at least work together."

"Yes, we're friends and colleagues first." Maura pressed her lips together. To discuss Jane was to confront what she'd done. She rubbed the back of her hands on her lap. "I know that I should tell her. Jane and I have become closer recently. I trust her enough to tell her, I just don't know how I feel about having to discuss this with her."

"About why you left me?"

"Yes."

Not telling her worked fine for many years. Now they were confronted with everything she'd kept to herself, Maura could feel it spiral out of control. She couldn't stand to remember the expression on Jane's face when she told her, no matter how briefly she saw it. She pushed down the desire to cry. She wasn't a self-destructive person, yet all she'd done since Luke arrived was push away the one person she should have trusted most in the world.

"Will you tell me?"

She closed her eyes and turned away. "I don't know how I feel about that either. There's a lot that you don't know, and things I don't think you should know. I want to be honest with you, I owe you that. Perhaps we should wait until your father gets back."

"I suppose that'd be okay."

"I'm sorry," she said. "I don't know how to do this, to be your mother, and right now I don't think I know how to be Jane's friend, either."

"You're doing okay, at being a mother."

"Thank you."

"Can I have the book back now?"

She creased her brow and held it toward him, not letting go. "What do you say?"

Rolling his eyes, he said "Thank you, Mother."

The sarcastic tone should have been something that Maura scolded him for, but his delivery of words left her pressing her lips together to disguise the smirk that followed. She let go of the book and stood up.

"I'll be in the lab if you need anything."

"Yeah," he said, turning the page in the book.

"We can have lunch together, too."

"Okay."

"Okay," she said, slipping out the door. She walked along the corridor towards the entrance to the lab.

x

Jane tapped her foot against the floor and her pen against the desk, over and over again. The case file in front of her lay unread, despite the pressing nature of the case. The Mayor was waiting on them to complete their initial investigation, to make progress in finding out who killed his son. Instead, Jane opted to stared into space.

"Stop that," Korsak said. She paused, then continued tapping again. "Jane, stop."

"What's gotten into you?" Frankie asked.

She glared at Frankie. "Nothing."

"Like hell it's nothing," Korsak said. "Sort yourself out. The Mayor needs us to be on top of our game, not sulking like a school kid."

She clenched her fists then loosened them again. "Don't."

"Don't what? Be your superior? Too late."

She slapped her palms down on her desk and stood up. She stared across at Korsak, then Frankie. She fled the room. Korsak and Frankie shared a moment of concern in her wake. She pressed the elevator button repeatedly until the doors finally opened. When the elevator reached Maura's floor, she strode out into the corridor and straight through to Maura's office.

"Oh." She stared at Luke. "Sorry, I thought…"

"Hey," he said, closing his book and placing it on the table. "Can I hold your gun yet?"

"Not until you're eighteen," she said, looking past him. "I was looking for your…Maura."

"My Maura?"

"You know what I mean." She looked into his eyes, then away again, searching the rest of the office. "Where is she?"

"She's working."

She walked across the room and glanced through the window into the examination room. "She's not there."

"She's in the lab."

"Right."

"Can I ride in a patrol car?"

"No," she said, heading out the door and down the corridor towards the lab.

She stood in the doorway, her eyes fixed on Maura. She stood behind a microscope, staring into the eyepieces. A strand of hair had escaped the net and was hanging loose around her ear. An ache settled in the centre of her chest. She chewed on her lips to stop the threat of tears.

"Jane!" Kent said, placing a couple of slides on the table. "We don't have any more information than was in the document we gave to Korsak this morning."

"I didn't," she said, not taking her eyes off Maura, who stared back.

He followed her line of sight, his brow creased as he looked from Maura and back to Jane. She stared into hazel eyes, eyes that until a few minutes earlier, she hadn't realised also belonged to Luke.

"If you'll give us another fifteen minutes, we'll be done," Kent said. "Isn't that right, Maura?"

"Yes," she said.

"Fifteen, gotcha."

She retreated. Out in the corridor, and away from the lab windows, Jane leaned against the wall. She didn't know how to begin, what to say. She didn't know how to discuss this. There was too much there, too many questions, and she wasn't sure she would like any of the answers.

She returned to Maura's office and waited by the door. She stared in through the glass at Luke. At Maura's _son_. She couldn't get her head around it, no matter how hard she tried. Somehow it might have been easier if he'd been a baby, or a full grown adult. Instead he was in between, too old to be new, too young to be someone Maura gave up when she herself was too young to have him.

"Jane?" She turned. Maura walked toward her.

"You got the results?" she asked. She nodded and handed her a piece of paper. Jane turned back to the window. Luke glanced up and waved, his lips curved at the edges. She forged a smile and waved back. "We need to talk."

She still wasn't sure what she wanted to say, or how best to say it, but she didn't want to not try, either. For the first time, in a long time, she felt Maura at a distance.

"I promised Luke I'd teach him how to use the microscope."

"Doesn't have to take long."

"Now isn't a good time."

"When?"

"I don't know."

Never. She wished for the clock to return to a couple of days before, to a time when Maura's secret was still hidden. It hurt too much to consider the reality, to know the truth.

"Please," she said, gripping the leg of her pants. "We need to talk."

"Not in front of Luke," Maura said. The calmness in her voice barely echoed the frantic feelings bouncing around inside her chest. "Later."

"When is later?"

"I don't know."

She backed away, nodding her head as she walked across to the elevator. The doors closed around her, returning her shattered nerves to a state of calm. Relief set in. She needed to talk to Maura, yet not doing so felt better somehow.

x

At lunchtime, she wandered back down to Maura's office but it was empty. By midafternoon, she'd done so little work that she couldn't sit at her desk any longer.

"This is getting ridiculous, Jane," Korsak said, perching on the corner of her desk. "Do you need to take some personal time?"

"I'm fine."

"Has something happened with Maura?"

She frowned, the crease between her eyebrows deepened. "Why would you think that?"

"'Was just a question."

"I'm fine."

"Okay."

"I need a breather," she said, picking up her jacket and heading toward the staircase. She rushed down them, one at a time, until she reached the basement. She pushed open the door to the corridor and marched into Maura's office, ready to confront the issue.

"It's later," she said.

"I'm about to conduct an autopsy," Maura said.

"Autopsy can wait."

Maura sighed. "No, it can't. I'm sorry, Jane."

"Are you ready for a game of checkers?" Kent asked, entering the room with a box.

"I thought you were doing an autopsy," Jane said.

"Maura's going to do the autopsy alone," Kent said. "I'm going to keep our wee man occupied."

"He's fourteen."

"Never too young to learn how to play checkers."

"He's fourteen," she said again, rolling her eyes.

"You're excited, aren't you, boy?"

"Luke. His name is Luke."

Kent narrowed his eyes. "I know."

"Then call him Luke."

"It's fine, Jane," Maura said.

"No, it's not."

She stared him down, not blinking until Kent turned away and placed the box on the coffee table. "Maybe I'll come back."

"You don't have to go anywhere, Kent. Jane is leaving."

"Yeah." She gritted her teeth and turned tail. "I am."

She took the elevator up to the BPD gym and changed into her sweats. On the treadmill, she set off running, one foot in front of the other. The faster she ran, the harder it was to breath. Each struggled breath made her chest burn. She slowed her pace, then cooled down. Moving to the punch bag, she pummelled it repeatedly until she had nothing left.

Standing under a cool shower, tears fell. She banged her fists against the tiles. She screamed out into the water, tears merging with the stream, swallowing a mouthful of water, before coughing and spluttering it back up.

x

"We need to talk, right now," Jane said, slamming the office door and approaching Maura's desk. She sat back, her hands clasped together across her stomach. "Is now a good time or are you going to get Kent to come in and pull you away? Or maybe Luke's gonna come back and need your help with something."

She picked up her office phone and dialled the number for the lab. "Kent, please don't disturb me, I'm in a meeting. Can you keep an eye on Luke? If he gets bored give him a book to read."

Jane perched on the couch, her hands pressed together like in prayer, her forehead rested against them. She looked down at the table. Maura closed her eyes as Kent confirmed. She stood up, straightened out her dress and joined Jane.

"What would you like to talk about?" she asked.

"Are you kidding me?" Jane shook her head, her eyes burned with rage. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

"I know it's a shock."

"I'm not shocked about your son, well, course I'm shocked about your son," she said, sighing. "I'm talking about you. You're acting like you didn't just drop the biggest thing on my lap in between 'here's your coffee' and 'I'll see you at work'."

"I will admit that I handled that inappropriately."

"Inappropriately?" Jane scoffed. "I gave you multiple opportunities, Maura. I asked you over and over again and you just closed up."

Pursing her lips, Maura clutched the fabric of her dress. "All I can say is, I'm sorry."

"That's all you can say? Really?"

She closed her eyes, pushing fresh tears over the edge and down her cheeks. "I know I made a mistake. I've made a lot of mistakes."

"What, like giving up your kid?"

"Jane."

"No!" Jane stood up, gritting her teeth. "You fucking lied to me, after everything we talked about. You wanted honesty, you made it very clear from the beginning that you needed me to share more. I guess that only applies to me."

"You know it doesn't," Maura said. "But there are some things harder to say than others. I know you understand that, that's why it's taken so long for us to form a relationship."

"Don't you dare bring this back to me and my difficulty committing to you," Jane said, pacing back and forth across the room. She turned around, pointing her finger out in front of her. "You know I was scared. I told you I was scared."

"I'm scared too."

"I was honest with you from the start like you asked. I told you the truth, no matter how scary it was. Now I find out you've been lying to me for _ten_ years."

"I can see you're angry," Maura said, standing up beside the chair.

"Angry?" Jane laughed, and turned around, her hands outstretched at her sides as she spoke. "Damn right I'm fucking angry, I'm more than angry. I'm confused, I'm hurt, I don't even know what to say."

"You seem to be doing okay."

"Don't fucking say shit like that," she said, shaking her head. "Don't fucking tell me that I'm doing okay."

"I didn't mean it like that, can you please stop cursing at me," Maura said, rubbing the tears from her cheeks. "I need you to understand that I didn't keep this from you to hurt you."

"No? Does Kent know?"

" _No_."

"Oh."

"Why would I tell Kent without telling you?"

"Never mind."

She slouched back down onto the couch. Maura hovered opposite, unsure whether to take her seat again, or remain standing. Jane leaned forward, her elbows on her knees. She cupped her hands around her mouth.

Her voice softened, breaking up with every word. "How could you give up a child? I've never given birth, I don't know what it feels like to hold your kid in your arms and fall in love with them. But I've been pregnant, I know how intense it is knowing that life is growing inside of you. Seeing TJ grow up, thinking about how he was as a toddler. How could you just leave Luke?"

"It's," she said, returning to the chair.

"Complicated, I know." Jane rolled her eyes and shook her head. "I thought I knew you. I thought we mattered more than anything."

"You know me better than anybody ever has, and you matter more than anyone ever will."

"Even your son?"

"Well," Maura sighed, clasping her hands together over her knee. "No. But he's different. Aside from my child, you are the only person who has ever mattered this much."

"Then why can't I understand why you could leave him?"

"I've not exactly made it easy for you to understand," she said.

"Then help me out here. The first time we met, nearly ten years ago, you'd barely just left him."

"Perhaps now you'll understand, in part, why I was so cold."

"You weren't cold." Their eyes locked. Maura's heart broke at the sight of pain in Jane's eyes. "You were never cold. You were just...distant, I suppose. Hard to reach."

"I was grieving."

"But you didn't need to! That's what I don't get, Maura. You left him but you've not talked about him since. It's like you put him in a little box and never opened it again. Why didn't you go back?"

"I wish I could have."

"Then why didn't you?"

"I wasn't allowed."

"Because of his father?" She paused. "He's not Ian, is he?"

"No, Jane, Luke's father isn't Ian. It was because of me."

"You're gonna need to start filling in more blanks," Jane said. "Why because of you? You're the best person I've ever known. You care about people others are repulsed by, you treat every victim like they matter as much in death as they ever did in life. How can someone like that do this? It doesn't fit the kind of person you are. You don't abandon the people you love."

"Maybe you were right," Maura said. "Maybe you don't know me as well as you thought."

"No," Jane said, sliding along the couch and gripping her hand. "I don't believe that for a second."

"The facts speak for themselves, Jane." Maura tugged her hand away and pushed it between her thigh and the chair. "I _gave up_ my son."

"Except you're not giving me all the facts. I refuse to believe it's as simple as that."

"It was a very dark time in my life," she said, breathing slowly, methodically. Her eyes filled with tears again.

"Even so, how could you just give him up?"

"I didn't want to." She wiped her eyes, stared through the tears at Jane. "I had to."

"No, you didn't," Jane said. "There's a choice, there's always a choice."

"No, there's not. Not when I lost custody."


	5. Chapter 5

**Author Note : Thank you, for all being such amazing commenters and favouriting and following. I can't believe how popular this story has been. It's a real honour. I hope you enjoy the next chapter.**

* * *

"There you are," Korsak said, opening the door. "We've got a lead, let's go."

Jane stared at Maura, her mouth open, her heart raced. She tried to picture a scenario where Maura Isles, the most together person she knew, could ever lose custody of a child. She glanced at Korsak, expectation spread across his face.

"I can't," she said.

Maura stood up, her body turned away as she wiped fresh tears from her cheeks. "It's okay. We can pick this up later."

"No." Jane stood, her eyes bore into Korsak's, desperation in her voice. "I need to stay."

"You need to do your job, Rizzoli."

"Please, Vince."

"Do you want me to write you up? If you're having problems, you just need to tell me and we can work something out. But your job, when you're here, the job comes first, it has to or else we'd never get any work done around here."

She closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. Her mind fractured between all the reasons she didn't know for Maura's situation, and the work she loved so much. She looked to Maura again.

"I'll see you later."

"Uh-huh," Maura muttered, emotion shrouding her voice.

Jane's heart broke. She hated being lied to, she hated that Maura had kept such a significant part of her life from her. But she could never hate her. Seeing her so visibly upset, hearing it in her voice, only sought to make it harder to leave.

"I can't, Korsak," she said, leaning over and resting a hand on Maura's shoulder.

She shrugged it away, regaining some semblance of her composure. "Go, Jane."

"I...okay."

x

In the restroom, Maura splashed cold water on her face. She stared at her reflection, at the tear stains on her cheeks and her bloodshot eyes. Further tears merged with the water droplets, creating new lines down her cheeks. She breathed in, then out, whimpering with every breath. Using a paper towel, she pressed it to her eyes, then soaked it in water and tried again, until the redness dissipated a little. Straightening out her dress once more, Maura continued down the corridor towards the lab.

"How are you doing?" Maura asked, approaching the table.

Kent narrowed his eyes and mouthed "Are you okay?" over Luke's shoulder. She nodded.

"Our hairs definitely come from humans," Luke said, glancing back into the microscope.

"That's a relief," Maura said, chuckling.

"They both look like hairs from the head, and the roots are still attached."

"What else?"

"My hair was forcibly removed from my head, while your hair came out on its own."

"That's correct." Maura smiled. "I ran my hand through my hair and a couple were already out, so I gave you those."

"Your hair was probably at the telogen stage, and mine the anagen stage, though I guess it could have been at the catagen stage."

"If you pull another two hairs, we can try to assess a normal range, then we may be able to establish if it's at the catagen stage."

"How would we know?"

"The follicle growth will have stopped and there'll be some shrinkage of the lower follicle. Once the hair reaches catagen stage it's detached from the blood supply."

"What if all three are at the catagen stage?"

"Then we're very lucky, because I think the odds are in our favour."

"Shall I get us some snacks?" Kent asked, stepping aside.

"Yes, please." Maura filled the space and pulled out the slides. "Which one is yours?"

Sticking his tongue out, Luke glanced at them both in turn. "I dunno."

"Let's try again," she said, pushing the slides back under the microscope.

He peered through the eyepieces. "The one on the left."

"Okay, I suppose I'll guess what snacks you'd both like," Kent said, heading to the door.

"Thank you," Maura said, pulling out both slides and putting her hair to one side. "Now let's create two more slides of your hair. You could even get one in telogan stage to compare."

x

In the kitchen, Maura slid garlic and chillies into a waiting pan, then proceeded to chop an onion. The oil spat and crackled, coating the garlic with every stir. She returned the lid and lowered the temperature.

"How are you doing with the peppers and peanuts?"

"There's child labour laws, you know," Luke said, placing his knife on the counter and carrying the small chopping board over to the pan.

Maura lifted the lid and stirred the pepper slices into the garlic. "I'm aware. We're certainly not breaking them."

"Can I do something that's not educational tonight?"

"The majority of activities have some level of educational impact for children," Maura said. "Pass me the pork mince."

He slid a packet across the counter and sat down, his elbows holding his head up. "I miss games."

"What kind of games? I have chess, Trivial Pursuit, Clue."

"Not kids' games." He sighed. "Call of Duty type games."

"I wouldn't have classified Trivial Pursuit as a game for children." Maura ran a knife through the packet and emptied the contents into the pan. "I have two sets of questions, the regular questions, and a set aimed at a younger audience."

"Why?" He frowned, picking up a piece of onion skin and twirling it around. "You don't have any more kids; do you have a boyfriend who does or something?"

"No," she said. "Jane hates the regular questions, she refused to play with me. We compromised and I purchased a family edition, so we have two sets of questions to choose from."

"When did you last play?"

"Well, we haven't." She stirred the mince, pushing the spoon through the strands until it broke up. "Jane refuses to play."

"That's because it's boring."

Maura frowned. "I thought you liked knowledge."

"Board games are boring, why else would they have bored in the title?"

"It's actually the other board, because the game's played on a board."

Rolling his eyes, Luke turned away. He picked up a medical journal off the counter and flicked through it. Maura ground some salt and pepper onto the meat. He tossed the journal onto the counter again.

"Why don't you have regular things?" he asked.

"How would you define a regular thing?"

"You have weird books, and movies with subtitles." He stood up and walked over to her desk. He picked up a small skull. "Weird shit like this."

"Luke!"

"What?"

"Your language."

He shrugged. "People say worse at school."

"Well, you're not in school right now." She added the onions, soy sauce, fish sauce and sugar. "You're in my home. I'd rather you kept language like that out of conversation."

"But I'm bored," he said, throwing himself down on the couch and turning on the television.

Maura stared at him. He flicked from a cookery show to something with robots, his shoes scuffed up the arm of the couch. She walked over and pushed his feet away.

"You're going to damage the furniture."

"Sorry." He kicked his shoes off, dropping them onto the floor beside the couch, and put his feet up again. "Do you have Netflix?"

"I have CuriosityStream."

"What's that?"

"It's like Netflix, there's over fifteen hundred documentaries."

"What else?"

"That's all. It's a documentary service."

"Can we get Netflix?"

"Not right now," Maura said. "Dinner will be ready soon. You should go wash up. I'll prepare the salad leaves."

"I don't want any salad."

"It's healthy, the whole meal is salad based."

"No. I'll have bread."

"But," Maura said. Luke dropped the remote on the floor, his attention turned back to the television. She drifted off, and returned to the kitchen. Watching him from a distance, Maura felt her epinephrine level increase. She gripped the edge of the counter.

x

"Is everything okay, Angela?" Maura asked, standing in the doorway.

"Fine, fine," she said, glancing behind Maura. Maura turned slightly, then refocused her attention. She regretted taking out the trash, maybe then Angela wouldn't have decided to join her at the door.

"You look a little distracted."

"Jane said you had a kid here." She glanced over her shoulder again. "That she didn't know who he was."

Maura curved her lips. "He's staying with me for a couple of weeks, and Jane knows."

"She does? Why is he staying?"

"If it's okay with you, Angela, I'd rather not discuss it."

"Oh. Okay."

"Not today, anyway."

"Okay." Angela frowned. "Am I still okay to come into the house? His parents won't mind?"

"They won't mind." She forged another smile. "Ordinarily I'd invite you to join us for dinner, but Luke has a lot of school work to catch up on, and Jane will be here soon. Would you like me to bring you out something?"

"No. It's okay. I'm staying at Ron's tonight. I just wanted to make sure everything was okay."

"Everything's fine." She retreated back into the house. "Thank you."

"Between you and me, I think he's going to ask me to move in with him," Angela said, stepping forward.

"Wow." Maura returned to the threshold. "That's fantastic!"

"Yeah!" She grinned, her eyes darted about. "I'm nervous. I've not lived with a man since Frank Senior. What if I get on his nerves?"

Maura tilted her head and gripped her wrist. "He loves you, Angela. I think you two have spent enough time together to know each other's flaws, as well as your good qualities. He obviously loves you, and you love him."

"You're right." She turned around, then twisted back again. "Wish me luck."

"Good luck," she said, returning to the house.

x

Jane stood in the entranceway, her eyes fixed on Maura and Luke sat at the table. For a brief moment, she tried to picture herself on the other side of Luke. She couldn't. She closed her eyes and pushed the door until it closed loudly.

"I think Jane's here," Maura said.

"Can I use your laptop?" Luke asked, putting his knife and fork together on his plate.

"Evening," Jane said, forcing her voice to come out calm and cheerful. "Sorry I'm late, I went to Frankie's, thought Luke might like to borrow his PS4."

"Yes!" he said, jumping up and hugging her tightly. Jane stumbled back slightly, her heart beat fast. She rested a hand briefly over Luke's back and looked to Maura.

"First you need to load the dishwasher," Maura said. "Then you can set it up."

"Okay," he said, slouching forward. He picked up their plates and carried them across the room.

"Thank you," Maura said, her lips pressed tightly together.

"Welcome."

"Would you like a drink?"

"You got a beer?"

"I've always got beer."

"Have you made any progress with the case?"

"Not really." Jane shrugged. "Mayor's refusing to be cooperative, his wife is a mess, their other son won't talk. The only thing we have are the autopsy results, and evidence you've collected."

"Let's hope you get a breakthrough, soon," Maura said. She retrieved a bottle of beer from the fridge and refilled her wine glass. "Luke, we're going upstairs for a while. I need to talk with Jane."

"Would the guest house be better?"

"I don't like to invade your mother's space."

"I don't mind," Jane said, she leaned close. "It's probably better, in case we start shouting at each other again."

"I don't intend to shout."

"Me neither." Jane straightened up. "Hey kid, we'll be in the guest house. Don't burn the place down."

He grinned and shook his head. "Thanks for the PS4. Has it got any good games?"

"COD?"

"Yes!" he shouted, pushing the dishwasher door closed and fist pumping the air.

"Thought you'd like that."

"We won't be too long," Maura said.

Jane followed her out of the house. Once the guest house door was closed behind them, Jane sipped her beer. She considered returning to the main house for something stronger but the devastation on Maura's face kept her glued to the spot.

"What's wrong?"

"Aside from everything," Maura said. "Luke clearly appreciates you bringing the games console over. I'm less certain it's a worthwhile use of his time."

"He's a kid, Maura, he obviously likes video games. All teenage boys are playing Call of Duty."

"He mentioned that earlier." She folded her arms across her chest. "I should probably read up on it."

"You shouldn't."

"Why not?"

"Erm," Jane said. "It's rated for adults."

"What?" Maura marched toward the door.

Jane wrapped a hand around her elbow and stopped her. "Don't. He's a kid, Maura."

"Exactly." She glared at her. "He's a child. He should not be playing video games aimed at adults."

"You think he hasn't already?"

"Don't tell me how to raise my son."

Stepping back, Jane's hand dropped to her side. "Wasn't trying to. But I'm not sure one day is raising your son."

Her eyebrows pulled together, her lips pursed. Jane watched the rage pass over Maura's face. She stared back, not willing to back down, if only to feel some semblance of control.

"You're overstepping, Jane."

"How?" she asked. "I didn't even know he existed until this morning."

"I'm the one who needs to entertain him, not you."

"I'm sorry," Jane said, frowning. "I didn't realise it'd be such a problem to bring something over that he'd enjoy."

"I was handling it."

"Yeah? He sure looked happy to be able to play video games again."

"That's because you brought the console over here," Maura said. "Without it he wouldn't have known any better."

"Yes, he would." Jane walked over to the coffee table and placed her beer on it. "He's a teenage boy, medical journals and basic cable doesn't cut it, Maura."

"He hasn't complained."

"No, he wouldn't. He seems too nice to tell you where to go."

Maura's eyes filled with tears, she stumbled backward. Another flash of rage covered her face. "Your influence here is not wanted, or needed. Least not when you're introducing my son to inappropriate material."

"Is this how it's going to be?" Jane asked, throwing her hands up at her side. "You push me away further so we don't have to discuss this? The last thing you said to me was that you lost custody of your son. I need answers Maura. I need to know what happened."

"There's nothing worth telling," Maura said, hovering by the door. She averted her gaze. "I lost custody. I moved to Boston. I haven't seen him since."

"That is not the whole story." Perching on the arm of the couch. "I deserve the whole story."

"Maybe you don't."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Luke is part of my life, my past. What happened then is my life to share, and maybe I don't wish to share it with you. Maybe I'd prefer to keep it to myself."

"What the fuck, Maura?" Jane's face contorted, her mouth dropped open.

"Don't curse at me."

"I'm not cursing _at_ you," she shouted. "You're so infuriating right now."

"Well, you're infuriating too."

"Me?" Jane stood up. "What did I do?"

"You're interfering. Did you see the way Luke hugged you? He likes you, Jane. He likes you and he hates me, just how it's always been and how it always will be."

"What?" Jane narrowed her eyes, her eyebrows creased together. "This isn't a popularity contest."

"No." Maura swallowed the last of her wine. "It's my life. If you're not willing to back off maybe you should just leave."

"I don't want to leave."

She closed her eyes, her voice broke with every word. "I need you to go."

" _No_."

" _Jane_ ," Maura said, reaching out to her arm. She attempted to pull her away from the couch. "Please. Leave."

She folded her arms across her chest. "I'm not leaving. I deserve more than you're giving me."

"I need to be alone."

" _No_."

" _Jane_."

She tried again, pressing her hand against Jane's shoulder. Jane reached out and tugged her back, pulling her close. She stared into her eyes, frantic, shattered. She tried to fight it, but all she could feel was love. She hated to see Maura look so shattered, yet knowing she was, all she wanted to do was make it better.

" _Stop_ ," Jane said, gripping her shoulders.

Maura stared up into her eyes, her own glistened under the light, her voice broken. "Let me go."

" _No_."

" _Jane, please_."

She leaned down, brushing her lips against Maura's, tangling her fingers up in her hair as Maura responded to the kiss. Behind the hurt and the pain, Jane stumbled into the depth of feeling she still felt for her girlfriend. She wrapped her arms around her back and pulled her in close, trailing kisses across her cheek, along her collarbone.

"We shouldn't," Maura whispered, but she shuddered under Jane's touch. She dragged her fingernails up along her thigh, not stopping until the edge of her dress lifted and she could drag down Maura's underwear.

"We should," Jane said, panting against her ear, she stumbled forward, pushing Maura back, until they stumbled through the open doorway and into the bedroom.

x

Sliding her fingers up and down Maura's bare arm, Jane pressed fresh kisses against her shoulder. She lifted her leg, moving her skin across Maura's. The bedsheets tangled up between them, holding them close. Her fingertips danced across her arm.

"I feel like a teenager who just had sex on their parents' bed," Jane said.

Maura smirked. "We _did_ just have sex on your mother's bed."

"Ugh. Don't remind me," Jane said, tipping her head back.

Sighing, Maura pulled away. "You make it sound like you're repulsed by me."

"I'm not repulsed by you." She leaned back toward her, resting her forehead against Maura's. "I'm just...I'm still angry, and this is the worst place I could have thought of to have sex."

"Worse than the beach?"

"No."

"I wish you weren't still angry," Maura said.

"Yeah. Me too."

"I didn't mean to keep so much of my past from you."

"I know."

Maura leaned in and kissed her nose. She trailed her fingertips across her cheek. "This is the only thing I don't talk about."

"It's a pretty massive thing."

"I know." She rolled onto her back, away from Jane. "Admitting to you what happened is like admitting to myself that I failed."

Jane reached for her hand, interlinking their fingers between them. "And Doctor Maura Isles doesn't fail."

"I fail," Maura said, rolling onto her side. "I'm human like everyone else. But this, it's bigger. Everyone else manages to parent, and it's the one thing I couldn't do."


	6. Chapter 6

**Author Note : Another well received chapter, thank you so much. I hope you'll enjoy this one, too. I go away tomorrow for the weekend, so I'm not sure how much writing will get done. I always find myself less likely to write when I go away with my parents. So fingers crossed. A bit of fresh countryside air, and lakes, should be a nice break. If I don't catch you, enjoy your weekends.**

* * *

"I guess this wasn't what we were planning tonight," Jane said, untangling herself from Maura. She slipped off the edge of the bed and stood up, reaching for her t-shirt.

Maura followed her with her eyes, committing to memory every detail in case it would be their last time. Jane's lips twitched but Maura could see the strain in every crease of her face. She swallowed. "No."

Slipping her shirt over her head, Jane's smile grew wider yet more forced. "I feel like a pressure cooker that's just exploded."

"You don't sound as angry," Maura said, sitting up. She tugged the bedsheets around her breasts.

"Neither do you." She sat on the end of the bed and slipped her panties over her feet. She turned her head. "I don't think you're a bad mother. I don't know what kind of mother you are, but you're not the kind of person to be bad at something so important."

"I wish it was as simple as your perception. I tried. I wanted to be a good mother. I don't know how to. I don't think I ever have."

"I don't believe that."

Maura reached for her bra and panties and slipped them on. Jane stood up, tugging her jeans around her hips. Maura chewed her bottom lip, remembering her fingers against Jane's thighs barely ten minutes earlier. She sighed. "I suggested we play Trivial Pursuit."

"Bet that didn't go down well."

"See?"

"That doesn't mean you're not a good mother." Jane crawled along the bed and wrapped her arms around Maura's waist. She trailed her fingers across her back. "It means you need to learn what he loves and find things you can do together that fit into that."

"How do you know that?"

She brushed a strand of hair behind Maura's ear. "Everyone's different. Just remember that Luke isn't you. He won't like the things you like. He likes the drums, and first person shooter games, and…things that teenage boys like to do."

"You're better at this than me," Maura said, lowering her face against Jane's hand. She fought the lump forming in her throat. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't stop the tears that fell from her eyelids.

"No, I'm not," Jane said, cupping her cheeks and brushing away the tears. "I just grew up with teenage boys."

"He could be a girl and I still wouldn't know how to do this." Maura pushing her fingers away and climbed off the bed. She retrieved her dress from the floor and slipped back into it. Fresh tears coursed across her skin. "You saw how I was with Jack's daughter."

"Jack's daughter wasn't _yours_. It's different when they're your own."

"See," Maura whispered, running the back of her hand across her chin, catching droplets before they could fall. "You know that. I don't. I don't know the things I need to know to be a parent."

"This isn't you, Maura."

"What isn't?"

"Self-deprecating." She sat down, her legs hanging over the edge. "That's one thing I thought I'd never see you do. Not this much."

"You don't know, Jane. You weren't here when Luke was born. It was difficult. I couldn't cope."

"Not being a good mother isn't enough to lose custody."

"It was for me." She perched on the bed beside Jane, her fingers inches from hers. She stared down at them, desperate to reach for her hand. She ignored the desire. "I didn't put him in danger. I just couldn't figure out how to be a good enough mother."

"That doesn't make sense," Jane said. "Jack's daughter, Luke, they're teenagers. It's different. They're difficult for anyone. I've seen you with babies and you've been amazing. You were always great with TJ."

"I've grown; I've learned how to adapt. If Luke was a baby it might be different." She stared at the carpet. "With Luke I was lost. Some days I thought I was doing okay, then something would happen and it would all fall apart."

"Like what?"

Maura breathed in slowly, methodically, until she exhaled evenly. "When I was pregnant I did a residency at the local teaching hospital. I wanted to go into emergency medicine."

"I thought you always wanted to be a medical examiner."

"No." She pressed her fingertips to her eyes. "I couldn't handle it, then Luke was born and it was like the final straw. So I quit and looked after him full time. Eventually I signed up for forensic pathology and I trained to become an ME. The workload was different, and it was easier to juggle."

"Were you and Luke's father together for long?"

"Right up until the day he handed me the papers outlining that he was applying for full custody, and even then I continued to live at the house."

"I don't understand why you didn't at least get access," Jane said, kicking her heels against the floor.

"I tried, but everything I did wasn't right. I did it all wrong. We took Luke to a preschool and I couldn't communicate with the other parents, I didn't know how to. I talked about victims of crime, murders. I had no one, no friends, and Luke's father was working all the time."

"So they gave him full custody?"

"He dropped his hours, he made some changes so he could be more accessible. I was still doing my training; my hours couldn't change. But it doesn't matter. It was the best decision for Luke. He needed someone who could give him everything he needed, and I couldn't do that."

"Right." Jane stood up, she gripped Maura's hand and tugged until she stood beside her. "But you didn't fight again."

"I didn't want to cause more damage," Maura said, staring into her eyes. "When he was a toddler it was less significant for his life to change."

"That doesn't make sense."

"Why?"

"You once told me that a mother leaving their kid can have a massive impact on them."

"The first eighteen months up to age of three. Neurologically. I wasn't aware of it then. Regardless, I couldn't go back. They had their life, and I'd moved to Boston. It took a long time for my social interactions to become more normalised, and that's all thanks to you."

"Not being able to talk to people doesn't make you a bad mother, either."

"The more I discuss this, the hard it gets," Maura said, folding her arms. She licked tears from her lip and stepped backward. "Is that enough or would you like to push me until I break?"

Jane's mouth dropped open. "That's not fair."

"No." Maura shook her head and walked through the bedroom door. "You're right. I need to go check on Luke. I've been longer than I intended."

"Maura, wait," Jane said, following her. "We're not done."

"I've already explained why I am."

"Don't push me away again. I want to help you."

"Right now," Maura said, hugging her arms tighter around her chest. "I need you to go home. I need some space. Luke is still adjusting to living here, I'm struggling to make this work. I need you to leave me to do this alone."

"You don't have to."

"I want to."

"Oh." Jane sighed. "Okay. I guess I'll go then."

"Thank you."

x

"Time for bed," Maura said, walking over to the television and pressing the off switch.

Luke stared at her, his mouth agape. He pressed the button on the PlayStation frantically. "No! I was in the middle of my mission."

"No more games for tonight."

"That's not fair," he said, standing up. He threw the remote onto the couch. "Five more minutes, please, Mom."

She sighed. It would take a long time to get used to being referred to in such a way, again. Luke had learned to say Mama early on, right alongside Dada and Pull, despite the fact their dog's name was Apollo. She caved, turning the television back on. "Five minutes."

He grinned, picking up the remote. His tongue moved to the side of his mouth as he scanned the images in front of him. Maura sat down to watch. Despite her reservations over the game, she realised, half an hour later, that she'd become engrossed.

"Time," Maura said, sitting forward.

"Five more," Luke said. "I just got to Sainte-Mère-Église."

"What's the significance of that?"

"It's a place in Normandy, in France, where the D-day landings happened."

Maura sat back against the couch. "How do you know that? Did they teach it in school?"

"No, I've played this game so many times, I got sick of not knowing. The whole thing's set in World War Two."

She tried to stop her lips from curving into a ridiculous smile. She remembered what Jane had said about finding the things he liked. She also remembered the time Jane taught her to shoot a weapon and how much closer she felt to her.

"Only if I get the control and you tell me what to do."

He frowned and tilted his head to one side. "You wanna play?"

"Sure." She sat forward again. "I've never played on a games console, at least not a modern one."

"It's really easy," he said, handing her the controller. Maura wrapped both hands around it, emulating what Luke himself had been doing a moment ago. "This button is to control the game so if you press it it'll pause or start, so you don't want that one."

"Okay." She pressed pause. When he stared at her, she shrugged. "You were in the middle of a game; I assume it would be easier to pause it until you've finished your instruction."

"Oh, yeah," he said, smiling. "So these are the control buttons, they let you move forward, backwards, left and right. Then there's this one. This is important because if you press this you shoot."

"It's the gun's trigger."

"Kinda." He pressed the pause button again and the game started up.

Maura pressed a button and the player on the screen walked forward. "What do I need to do?"

"Maybe we should start again," he said. "You need to learn how to shoot."

"Someone's there," Maura said, jumping. She pressed down on the shoot button repeatedly, then tried to move the player. Someone shot back. She let go of the shoot button and sat back, closing her eyes. "Did I die?"

"No." Luke took the controller. "Wait, I forgot to say you need to press this one to aim."

"Aim, and shoot." Maura nodded, gripping her hands back around the controller. "Do I need to kill the person?"

"Yes."

She pressed the aim button, moved the controller until she could see the player in view, then pressed shoot. Once, twice, three times. On the third shot it hit him. He stumbled.

"I did it!" she shouted, dropping the controller on her lap.

"Not quite," Luke said, giggling. He took the controller and shot at the player a handful more times. "It takes a few shots for them to die, usually."

"That doesn't make sense."

He shrugged and continued firing until the other player dropped down. "Games aren't like science, they don't always make sense."

"Science doesn't always make sense either," Maura said. "That's why people are still doing research and new discoveries are being made all of the time."

Sticking his tongue out, Luke made the player walk forward. Maura sat back and watched for a while. After fifteen minutes, Luke pressed the save button and shut down the console. "I'm going to bed."

"Oh, okay." Maura stood up. "Would you like some reading material?"

"Nah, I'm good." He wrapped his arms around her briefly. "Thanks for letting me play longer."

"You're, you're welcome," she said, resting a hand across his back.

She stayed rooted to the spot long after he'd disappeared toward the staircase. Her heart thrummed against her rib cage. Maybe, just maybe, she could do this after all. She picked up her cellphone from the kitchen counter and wrote out a message.

"Thank you x"

She hit send. A moment later, Jane responded.

 _"Love you x"_

"Love you too x" she sent back, before heading to bed.

x

Jane stared at the message on her cellphone.

 _"Love you too x"_

She felt it, which was why she'd said it first, but deep down she wondered just how likely it was for Maura to say it back. Somehow, whilst trying to fix their relationship, she'd contributed to its self-destruction.

Sex was the last thing they should have done. She knew that logically. Her heart, on the other hand, didn't agree. She lifted the bedsheets around her waist and stared into the darkness. She waited, wondering whether Maura would send another message without her prompting. She debating sending her own response, but to what end?

Luke was a massive curve ball in their relationship and she couldn't get over Maura's deceit so quickly. After everything they'd been through together as friends, as colleagues. Jane had expected more.

What she hadn't expected was a decade worth of lies.

She rolled onto her side and tucked her hands underneath her cheek. Before, she wouldn't need her mind to imagine Maura wrapping herself around her. She felt the absence. Even more so since allowing things to go a little far earlier in the evening.

All she wanted was Maura, all she'd ever wanted, if she allowed herself to admit it, was the woman she loved more than anyone else. Once she'd moved out of her own way long enough to be honest about her true feelings, everything had changed.

The giant meteor that smashed into their world, crushing it under its weight, couldn't be unfelt. Least not quickly. Jane closed her eyes and focused on every slow and careful breath. She wanted to fix things with Maura, yet when she thought of seeing her, she felt an overwhelming sense of angry.

Maura wanted space. Jane hadn't seen it before, but lay in the darkness, she wondered if maybe she needed it too.

x

"Albert Smithson had a job working in a factory. His family didn't know about it," Jane said, tapping his photograph on the board. "This is Liam Scott, he worked the same shifts as Albert on several occasions. When we went to question him he ran, which could be explained by the numerous citations and an arrest warrant for petty theft."

"What I don't get," Frankie said. "Is why a kid from such a rich family needs to work in a factory cutting glass."

Korsak scratched his chin. "Right? Like there's enough jobs to go around without the rich kids taking all the low paid ones instead of Daddy's firm paying them to play solitaire."

Jane slid Liam Scott's photograph to one side and picked up the one beside it. "Albert's girlfriend, Gene Williams said that she'd been having an affair with Liam, but that she doesn't think he was capable of murder. Besides, she doesn't think Albert knew. But the angry voicemail on Liam's cell suggests otherwise."

"Didn't Gene say she used to have dinner at the Smithson mansion?" Frankie asked, perching on the corner of Jane's desk.

"She went a couple of times," Korsak said. "But the folks didn't seem too keen when we brought her up."

"Does Scott have any gun licenses?"

"No." Jane placed Gene's photo beside Albert's. "Neither he, nor Gene had access to legal weapons. Albert, however, had three guns. At least one of them, his father said, he would use when they went hunting together."

Frankie narrowed his eyes, trailing them from Jane, to the board, to Korsak. "Is there any chance Mayor Smithson did this?"

"You can suggest it," Korsak said. "But be ready to be thrown off the case and into the angry teeth of Cavanaugh."

"I hate VIP cases," Jane said, rolling her eyes and slouching into her seat. "They make it so much more complicated. We can't get close to the family or close friends."

"That depends on which friends you've been approaching," Maura said, entering the room with a document in hand.

Jane stood, her face lit up. She stepped forward then thought better of it, forging a small smile. In the few days since the conversation at Maura's, Jane had kept her distance. Every single time she saw her, even if it was just a glimpse, she thought she was going to fall apart. She missed her, more than she ever thought possible.

"What have you got, Doc?" Korsak asked. Maura handed him the document.

He scanned it. "Fluid?"

Maura nodded. "I found some fluid around Albert Smithson's groin. I originally passed it off as standard ejaculatory emissions, or pre-ejaculate, but on closer inspection I established that there were type different types of fluid."

"Say ejaculatory one more time and I think I'm gonna be sick," Jane said, gripping the back of her chair.

"I am as close to certain as I can be that Albert Smithson had intercourse before he died," Maura said, smiling. "I sent the fluids off for analysis. I can't imagine we'll get a match, but it might help us to identify a potential partner when he or she is found."

"Didn't the boss say he saw Smithson talking to a girl the night before he died?" Frankie walked around his desk and opened up a file, he flicked through some pages to the statement. "Here it is: 'Albert was standing under a streetlamp with a blonde leggy thing who looked like she was gonna do a strip tease. How I would have loved to have seen that.' That's gotta be the girl."

"Disgusting man." Jane closed the gap between herself and Maura. "If we find this girl, can you get a match on the samples?"

"Of course." Maura stood upright, her chest lifted as she inhaled. She rested a hand against Jane's elbow. "Can we do lunch?"

"Do you have time? What about Luke?"

"Luke needs a change of scenery," Maura said. "He's been in my office for the last three days, and if he's not there he's in the lab or the house. I thought we could have burgers at the Robber."

Jane tilted her head, her eyebrows knitted together. The anger had mostly subsided. That didn't mean there weren't still feelings lingering under the surface. "The three of us?"

"I was hoping Luke would prefer to sit in a booth by himself and play with the new handheld games console I purchased for him yesterday." She ran her fingers across Jane's wrist, sending a wave of energy through her body. "I think we need some time alone."

"I'd like that," Jane said, stepping forward.

Her bottom lip tucked under her teeth. She thought about how she felt. The depth of feeling wouldn't go away, perhaps it would always be there. She'd grown used to it over the last few days, like an ignored twinge. Aside from that, Maura's fingers created a reaction, one that for a long time Jane would have ignored. Now she'd given up pretending Maura wasn't more important to her, she started listening to it.

When Maura lowered her hand, she gripped it tightly. "I've missed you."

Maura smiled back. "I've missed you, too."


	7. Chapter 7

**Author Note : Thank you all so much for your patience, comments, etc. As always, it's lovely to have such support, especially on a story that I feel really good about. It took a few extra days from the end of my holiday to finally finish this chapter. I'm trying to be healthier for the next few weeks (before I go away for a month - sorry!) so have been going to the gym and cooking, which means less writing time, unfortunately. Though saying that, I did write the start of this fic at the gym...**

* * *

"Thank you for giving me some time," Maura said, reaching her hand across the table and covering Jane's. "I know I haven't been easy."

Jane shrugged. The busy bar melted away, her sole focus on Maura. "I get it. I think. He's your kid, he's important to you. But he's also a reminder of a time that was difficult."

"I don't know what's going to happen next, and it scares me." Maura gripped her fingers tightly around Jane's hand. "His father said he can stay until the school break. It's only a week away."

"What do you want to happen?"

"I want to see Luke. I know having him full time is probably unrealistic."

"Why?"

Maura frowned as she studied Jane. "I've not been in his life for twelve years. Why would any judge give me full custody? If I'd given up fighting for him, for his sake, then maybe it'd be different. But losing custody of a child is not as simple."

"Could it have been postpartum?"

She stared at their hands, one on top of the other. Maura shook her head. "No. I don't think it was. Even if there was a chance it's too late now. I didn't get any help; I didn't seek out a doctor. There's no evidence to support that."

Turning her hand over, Jane squeezed Maura's fingers. "Whatever happens, I'm with you. I'm all in. Okay?"

"You don't need to be part of it."

Jane sighed and pulled her hand back under the table. "This is what's wrong between us."

"I'm sorry?"

"I'm trying to help. I can't do much but I can be with you. Why do you keep pushing me away on this?"

"I don't." Maura paused. "I'm sorry. I don't know how to share this with anyone. I've never had to."

"What can I get you?" Angela asked, approaching the table. Before they could respond, she looked to the table beside them and side stepped across. "Hey, kid, what you doing here alone? You're not allowed here without an adult."

"Angela." Maura stood up. Angela continued her affront while Luke stared back at her. "Angela, he's with us."

"Why's he sitting over here alone?"

Jane slipped out of the booth and stood beside Maura. "He's a kid, Ma. He doesn't want to sit with the adults, do you Luke?"

He shrugged and continued playing on his handheld console. Angela glowered at him for a moment then turned back to Jane and Maura. "Is he the kid staying at yours, Maura?"

"He is."

"Tell me to mind my own business, especially now I'm moving into Ron's, but are you gonna tell me who he is?"

Luke pressed pause on his game and glanced back to Maura, waiting. She smiled, forcing her lips to curve as best as she could. "He's my son."

"He's your s-" Angela narrowed her eyes, then they grew wide. " _You have a son_?"

"I do."

"Why didn't we know about it?"

"Ma," Jane said, pushing her arm to guide her away. "Leave it."

Angela resisted, her feet firmly in place. "He's a _teenager_. Why didn't we know you had a teenager?"

"None of your business, Ma."

"It is my business when you're," Angela began, but Jane cut her off, pushing her away from the tables.

"No. _Don't_." She only loosened her grip once they'd reached the bar.

"Don't do what?" Angela glanced over her shoulder toward Luke. "Ask questions? Can't I ask questions about him?"

"Luke is none of your business. You said we could tell you to mind it, so that's what I'm doing. He's Maura's son. That's all you get to know."

"But you're together, that makes him my grandson."

Jane rolled her eyes. "He's not your grandson, Ma. He's not my kid, and we're not married."

"Maybe if you'd get married then I wouldn't keep bothering you."

"I've told you over and over," Jane said. "We've been together for five minutes. Maybe when it's been a couple years you can start bothering me about marriage."

"It'll be too late for children in a couple of years."

Rolling her eyes again, Jane folded her arms. "Back. Off."

"I'm sorry for showing an interest in your life."

"You're doing that hovering thing again."

"I said I was sorry." Angela's bottom lip stuck out, her eyes filled with tears. "I just, with moving to Ron's, I don't know when I'll see you again."

"Don't do the crying thing," Jane said. She rubbed at her temple. Sometimes her mother's incessant pestering hurt her head. When it didn't stop, she sighed. "You move Saturday, yeah?"

"As long as you and Frankie can still help."

"Course we can."

"Then I move Saturday."

"I hope I don't regret this," Jane muttered. "We'll be over for Sunday dinner."

Angela gripped her arm tightly. "With Maura?"

Unravelling her fingers from her wrist, Jane glared at her. "I can't guarantee Maura will be there."

"Then it's not the same."

"She's got her own things going on." Jane motioned to Luke, who, despite still playing his game, was animated talking to Maura. "She'll probably be at the next one."

"Okay. Then I guess that'll have to do."

"Besides," Jane said, breathing in and out slowly. "Frankie and I were thinking of bringing some beers Saturday, if you don't make it too difficult for us. We can make it a moving in party."

"A party?! Who else is coming?"

"Just a small party," Jane said, grimacing as Angela pulled her into a tight embrace. "You, me, Frankie and Ron."

"Joanne is coming over to help."

Letting go of Jane, Angela walked around the back of the bar and grabbed a tissue. She dabbed at her eyes and returned to Jane's side.

"Then Joanne as well."

"You know, she's got kids."

"I do."

"She said they can call me grandma if they want."

Jane held onto her shoulders and stared into her still teary eyes. "Are you trying to make me feel jealous so I'll give you grandchildren?"

"No," she said, looking away.

"Ma!"

"I can't help it. Tommy's not gonna have anymore soon, Frankie's, well, who knows when he's gonna get his act together. You're my only baby in a relationship. Is it so wrong to want Maura's son to treat me the way Joanne's kids can?"

"If Joanne's kids want to call you grandma that's their business. Luke _isn't_ your business; he isn't even my business. And what children Maura and I do or don't have is none of your business unless they're born, and then you're their grandparent, _not_ their parent."

Pouting, Angela slipped her tissue into the sleeve of her shirt. "Someone's in a mood."

"We'll have three burgers, all the trimmings, and make it snappy. We've gotta get back to work," Jane said, rolling her eyes. She walked towards the table, turned and pointed to her mother. "So do you, those burgers won't make themselves."

"Yeah, yeah."

x

The morning sunlight pierced through the window making it difficult to look up. Maura focused her attention on the bowl of oatmeal in front of her. She scanned the morning news on her tablet.

"Why do you and Jane spend a lot of time together?" Luke asked, swallowing his last mouthful. His spoon clattered against the bowl.

"Erm." Maura hesitated. The question was always going to come, or some other question not too dissimilar. She had to tell him eventually. Yet, the words caught in her throat like borderline rotting fish served every Friday at boarding school. "We're, well..."

Her cellphone rang. She snatched it up from the breakfast table, thankful for the distraction, the reason not to answer.

"Isles."

At the end of the call, she placed her cellphone back on the table and picked up her bowl. "I have to go to work."

"I thought we were going to a museum today," Luke said, carrying his empty bowl across to the dishwasher. Maura took it from him and loaded them into the dishwasher. "We were going to do a history lesson."

"I'm sorry." Closing the door, she rested her hand on his shoulder. "I might have time this afternoon."

"You said the museum needs a full day."

She sighed. The twist of his features hurt. Dropping her hand to her side, she sighed again. Disappointment was not an emotion she was used to seeing on his face. "It's this case I'm working on, it's not like most cases."

"I get to sit in your office then, again." He slouched and turned around.

"No." Maura followed him toward the couch. "I have an important meeting at the Mayor's office. Kent really needs to focus on our cases. I'll see if you can shadow Jane."

His face lit up. "Will I get to see her fire her gun?"

"I hope not!" Maura smirked. "But I do know how interested you are in her work. Perhaps if you see the mundane, you'll find being a detective isn't all it's cracked up to be."

"I bet it's better."

"You would." She picked up her purse, then dropped it back on the desk as she headed for the study. "Actually, I have a book on bullet wound configurations, let me find it. You can do some research if she's too busy to give you her full attention."

x

Maura stared at Mayor Smithson, aghast. She focused on replaying his words a couple of times in her mind, absolutely certain she'd heard his request correctly. The case was sensitive, as he'd reminded her just as often. But even she drew the line at sharing sensitive information with persons of interest, regardless of who they were. When her cell phone buzzed, she sighed with relief.

"I'm sorry, Mayor Smithson, but someone from my lab is calling. It's imperative I take this." She stood and exited the room, hovering by the partially open door. She listened to Kent relay the recently accumulated results. She returned to the office. "I have to go."

"We haven't finished our conversation," he said. "I hope you understand how important it is that all results are passed along to me."

Pursing her lips, Maura forged a smile. "I understand."

"What information don't I yet know?"

"Whilst my sole focus is on your son's murder," Maura said. "My team have been processing evidence from other deaths. The phone call was not in regards to the case in question."

He stared at her, his hands clasped on the desk. His lips tightened, his eyebrows creased. "I hope you wouldn't lie to me, Doctor Isles. You do realise that I have the power to remove you from your post."

"I understand." She forged a smile, not stopping until it had reached her eyes. Despite the decrease in hive activity with direct lying, Maura could feel an itch spread across her chest. "You do realise, that as my direct employer, any threat over my employment could be seen as a breach of employment law."

He smirked, though the tightness around his lips never faltered. "Point taken, Doctor Isles. I expect further information in due course."

"I will share with you what I can."

x

The line for coffee exceeded Jane's patience. She glanced around at the three people in front of her and grimaced. She missed the days when Angela worked there. It drove her crazy, but at least she was always guaranteed a coffee ahead of every Officer Tom, Dick or Harry. The people in front of her didn't even look familiar.

"Annoying, isn't it?" the man in front said.

"The line?" she asked. He nodded. "I don't know why they started letting people in here who aren't on the force. Makes it harder for those of us who don't have a couple hours to spend waiting for a caffeine fix"

"Right?" He grinned, his teeth white and on full display. "Though I must admit, today I fit the imposter category."

"Imposter? Do I need to arrest you?" She raised an eyebrow. "Though with those cheekbones I imagine nobody could mistake you for someone else."

He pressed his lips together to disguise the smile forcing its way across his face. He ran his fingers through the back of his hair. "I meant I'm not a cop."

"Really?" She covered her mouth in mock shock. "I've been here long enough to have guessed to that effect. So, what are you doing here if you don't work here, Mr Imposter?"

"Came to see someone," he said. "But they're not here."

"Ah. Hopefully you haven't come too far to see them."

He tilted his head from one side to the other. "I guess you could say that. Would have made it easier if they were, but it's probably better we catch up somewhere else."

"It's like that, is it?" she asked. "Getting some coffee to drown your sorrows."

"Something like that." The people in front walked away. "I'll get a cappuccino to go and whatever the lady's having."

"Lady?" Jane scoffed. "I'll have a latte. You obviously don't know who I am."

"Should I?"

Jane shrugged. "A few years ago, maybe."

"Years?" He crossed his hand over his chest and kissed his hands as he rested them palm to palm. "At least it wasn't a few days ago. Lucky bloke."

"Yeah." Jane stepped backward, a crease in her brow. She sighed and took her coffee. "See you around."

"Probably not. I don't anticipate being here for long."

"Then I guess I won't."

x

Sipping her coffee, Jane watched Luke as he perched on the edge of his seat, his elbows rested on the table in front of him, and a book in hand. His tongue moved to one side. She glanced down at the cover.

"You really like guns, don't you?"

He shrugged and continued reading. A moment later, he closed the book. "I was bored."

"Frankie gone out?"

"He said he had to go speak to someone about something."

"Real helpful there, kid," Jane said, raising an eyebrow. She pulled back the chair opposite him and sat down. "Your mother's still out of contact. She said she'd be back by lunch, so I'll take you home, we can wait there."

"Why can't we wait here?"

"Because Maura isn't working this afternoon."

"Does she do that a lot?" he asked, tapping his fingers on the table.

"Disappear?" He nodded. "Never. Except for the time she was kidnapped."

His mouth dropped open. "She was kidnapped?"

Jane shrugged. "Only once."

" _Only_? Why would she be kidnapped at all?"

"It's complicated." Jane pressed her lips together and focused her attention on drinking her coffee. "Forget I said anything."

"I don't forget things. I have an eidetic memory."

"What's that?"

"Photographic."

Lowering her coffee, Jane leaned forward. "So if I gave you a list of names to remember, you'd never forget them?"

"I could try to, but they'd probably stay there somewhere."

"Jeez. You really are Maura's kid."

"She has it too?"

"No. She's just really smart but she might as well have. She talks about a memory palace sometimes, never understood what she meant really."

"That's cool."

"Do kids still say that?"

"Not really."

"You know; your mother is awesome with smart stuff."

"Yeah," he said, smiling. He picked up his book and held it out to Jane. "She has some disgusting books. Check out the picture on page nine."

Jane flicked through. She closed her eyes, shut the book, and stared at him. "Why would you show me that?"

"It's funny," he said, smirking.

"I've seen worse. Wait, but you didn't remember what Frankie said?"

He shrugged. "Wasn't paying attention."

"Grab your book, let's go."

x

Jane held down the button on the games console, twisting and turning her hands to control the car as it raced Luke's around the track.

"No, no, no," she shouted, pressing it repeatedly, but Luke's car raced past until the race was over and Jane slouched back in her seat. "You're good."

"What's your brother like?"

"He's not bad."

"Wanna go again?"

Jane stared at him, smirking, as she pressed the button on the controller to restart the game. "'m gonna beat you this time."

"Not if I beat you first."

The game counted down and they sped off, their cars neck and neck. Jane glanced at Luke, he glanced back. She raised her eyebrows and pressed another button, her car sped up.

"What's it like being back?"

He shrugged, leaning forward. "I don't really know what it was like before so it doesn't feel like I'm back anywhere. It's like it's new, she's new."

"Makes sense." Jane rested her elbows on her knees. "You were only little when she left."

"Yeah."

"She really wants to make up for it."

"How would you know?" he asked, looking across to her.

Jane took the opportunity and pushed onward. "We talked about it. I know her really well."

"I wish I had friends like you and Mom are to each other."

"Yeah...well, maybe not quite, though I dunno, you might."

"What do you mean?"

"Doesn't matter."

"All they wanna do is play games and talk to girls."

"You don't wanna talk to girls?" He shrugged, barely looking up from the screen. "There's plenty of time for that."

"Faster, faster," Luke muttered, tapping his foot on the floor as they sped across the finish line. "Yes!"

"That's not fair," Jane said.

"Why not?"

"You're fourteen, you play these games all the time." She leaned back, rubbing her spine. "I can't sit like that for long without it hurting."

"Again? I was gonna see what we could have for lunch."

The doorbell chimed once, twice, three times. Jane placed her controller on the couch beside her and stood up. "Saved by the annoyingly chipper doorbell."

"I'll get it," Luke said, jumping up.

"No, it's okay," Jane said, stepping in front of him. "Go practice your racing or whatever it is kids like to do these days."

"Can I go on snapchat?"

"What's that?"

"It's a kid thing, you wouldn't understand."

"Sure. Don't know why Frankie would have that game, though."

"It's not a game." He stared at her, his eyes wide like she'd said something stupid. "Can I borrow your cell?"

"What do you need my cell for?"

"Snapchat."

"Then no," she said. "Go shoot people instead."

"You'd make a brilliant mom," he said, rolling his eyes.

He sat down back and reset the game. Jane walked across the room and opened the front door. Her eyes landed on their visitor, tall, dark, handsome, and more familiar than Jane was expecting.

"Oh. Hi," she said, frowning. "What are you doing here?"

"I was about I ask you the same," he said.

"Wait, are you here to see Maura?" Jane turned and glanced at Luke, racing a car along the screen. She turned back. "Is she who you were trying to visit at BPD?"

"Yeah." His lips tightened, his brow knitted together. "She has my son."

"Your..." she said, her mouth dropped. "Oh, shit."

The crease between his brows only deepened. "The name's Greg, actually."

"Sorry. I didn't mean it like that." Jane stepped forward and held the door to behind her. "I didn't know we were expecting you."

" _We_?"

" _Maura_." She forged a smile, desperate to do something to turn him away. "She's not here."

Luke screamed with joy from the other room, and shouted Jane's name. She gritted her teeth and closed her eyes, looking down at the floor. She begged the world to, just this once, turn back the clock long enough for her to alter what had just happened.

"Then why is my son?" Greg asked, pushing the door open. Jane tried to hold it behind her, but he was too strong. The door banged against the table behind it and marched into the house.

"Hey, what the hell...you can't just invite yourself in," Jane said. "I'm watching Luke for Maura. Not that he needs watching."

Standing in the doorway, he breathed in slowly, his fist balled at his side. He twisted round to face her. "I can when my child is in the guardianship of someone I've never even met."

"Dad?" Luke span around, pressing pause on the game.

"Did you forget about our coffee date?" she asked, rolling her eyes. "I've known Maura for a long time. She trusts me, so you should trust her."

"Yeah?" He shook his head. "Maybe you shouldn't have an opinion on someone else's son. Luke, get your school things. We're leaving?"

"What are you doing here?" He stood up. "Break isn't for a few days."

"I came early. Get your stuff."

"But you said I could stay until school break."

"I said you could stay until I came back into the country." He grabbed Luke's jacket from the back of the chair. "This yours? I wasn't sure how soon that'd be."

"Yeah, it's mine. I wanna stay here."

"We're leaving Lucas."

" _Jane_!" he shouted, his arms outstretched. "You're a cop. Do something."

"I can't stop him, Luke." A lump formed in her throat. She longed to do something, to listen to Luke, she wished beyond comprehension that she could stop this. For Luke. For Maura. She shook her head. "I'm sorry. He's your father."

"Make Mom stop him."

"For God's sake, Lucas," Greg shouted, marching around the room. He picked up a couple of books then returned them to the desk. "I already told you not to call her that. She's not your mother. She left you."

"Hey! Watch what you're saying," Jane said, stalking towards him. She gritted her teeth, fighting the urge to smack him hard across the face. "You may have custody but you don't have a right to tell him what he can and can't call her."

He stepped up to her, his tall figure towered over her. "This is none of your business."

She stood upright, staring back into his eyes. "I may not be able to stop you taking him, but please, just wait until Maura gets home."

"If you're not gonna get your stuff, fine," he shouted. "I'll use your trust fund to buy you a new uniform. Get in the car."

"I don't wanna go," Luke said, his voice broke. Jane chewed the inside of her lip to stop tears from falling.

"I don't care what you don't wanna do, Lucas," Greg said. "We're going. Get in the car or there'll be consequences."

"What are you gonna do? Send me to boarding school?" he asked, grinning.

Greg walked forward, wrapped his arms around Luke's waist and lifted him onto his shoulder. Jane stared, gobsmacked, at the force of his action, at the finality. She was powerless, and it felt horrible.

"Let me go!" Luke shouted, kicking his legs back and forth like an angry toddler.

"No."

" _Jane_!"

"I'm sorry Luke," she said, frozen to the spot as Greg carried Luke out of the front door. Once the sound of Luke's protest disappeared, she leaned against the nearest wall and closed her eyes. "Maura is gonna kill me."


	8. Chapter 8

**Author Notes : Well that was a challenging week when it came to writing. My plan was to write Lullaby, which I appear to have hit a block with. Instead of moving onto Slide, I stuck with it and it went nowhere. Eventually I moved over to Slide, then got a horrid cold, then had training yesterday/today. I have to work tomorrow (but I'm hoping there'll be a chance of writing due to the event that's on). Here's hoping for a better week next week - it's my last full week before I go away so I would like to get a few things done at the very least - like finishing 439 miles and maybe Lullaby, but it's possibly too much to expect from myself.**

* * *

Jane stood up the second Maura walked through the door. That was the first sign that something was wrong. She felt it, deep in her bones. There was no reason for anything to be wrong, which was why she passed it off as something of nothing.

"I'm sorry I've been longer than I expected," she said, dropping her purse just inside the entranceway.

"It's, err, fine."

The crease etched between Jane's eyebrows was the second sign. The sigh that followed, a third. Until finally, Jane moulded her lips into a circle and breathed out quickly.

"What's wrong?" she asked, no longer caring about her desire to pretend that everything was fine. It wasn't. She knew it. Jane knew it. She was almost certain that Jane knew she knew from the rabbit in the headlights expression in her eyes.

"Come sit down," Jane said, perching on the couch and patting the space beside her.

She shook her head. She glanced around the living room for Luke, but he wasn't there. She walked into the kitchen, despite being able to see very clearly that her son wasn't in the room. She moved around the island and opened the back door. She didn't know why she went there first. It was just as possible for him to be upstairs taking a nap, or doing homework.

The words she wanted to say caught in her throat, laced with tears. A gale blew outside the door. She stared up at the darkened clouds. Trees rustled. Birds squawked. She pushed the door until it caught on the latch and turned around.

"Where's Luke?"

She knew in her heart, before Jane could speak. She stood up, watching her cautiously. Maura stepped closer, and closer, until she could see the light glistening in her dark orbs. She reconsidered running upstairs to check, but she knew Jane well enough to know that something was very wrong.

"Jane?" Her voice wavered. She tried to regain her composure but she couldn't find the energy.

"His father came for him an hour ago," she said.

She stood up tall. Her eyes dropped at the sides, the only evidence of her emotional link to what had happened. Maura had seen her cop face; she'd heard her cop voice. Stoic, together. She'd even been on the receiving end of it. Except no previous experience could prepare her for that moment.

"What do you mean he came for him?" she asked. The question had no purpose. There was no answer that Jane could give that wasn't already covered in her mind. She didn't need an answer. He still had full custody. He could do what he liked.

"I'm sorry." Jane reached out her arm and rested her fingers against her shoulder. They shook. The expression on Jane's face broke and a couple of tears skirted down her cheeks. "I tried to stop him."

She shrugged her hand away and stepped back. Her heart leapt into her throat, pushing tears out of her eyes and across her skin. She stared at Jane. She needed her to laugh, to tell her it was some elaborate joke the two of them had cooked up while she'd been at work.

"Where is he?" she asked again.

Jane covered her face, wiping at her eyes. She shook her head. "Maura."

She turned away. Jane shouted to her. She ignored her calls and ran for the stairs. Every footstep reminded her of twelve years ago. Every beat of her heart so loud so wondered if anyone else could hear it. Every tear that collided with its predecessors merged with long since dried droplets.

The bedroom door was closed. She still hoped, deep down inside, that if she opened it, he would be there. Further down, she knew she'd find an empty room. As empty as the room she'd walked into twelve years before.

Footsteps approached from behind. She span, hopeful, desperate. When she saw Jane, she crumbled. Her knees losing their stability as she fell to the floor.

"Oh Maura," Jane whispered, kneeling beside her. She wrapped her arms tightly around her front, holding her in place. She struggled, desperate to push her away. The fresh sting of tears rolled down to her lips, salty water coating her skin. She pushed again, forcing Jane back.

"Don't."

"But..."

"Please go."

"But Maura..."

" _No_."

She flattened her hands on the carpet and counted her fingers. She grasped the tiny strands, too small to pick up, too small to hold. The methodical act of counting; one, two, three, four, five, over and over again brought a semblance of calm in an otherwise frantic moment. Her head was focused, fooling her heart into believing that everything was okay. Only, it wasn't okay, and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't fool her heart forever. Jane dropped her hand to her shoulder and she started wailing. She pushed with her hands, throwing Jane's away. Putting one foot in front of the other, Maura ran to her bedroom and slammed the door.

On the other side, she could hear Jane's voice. "You're scaring me. Let me help you."

Picking up a pillow, she wrapped it around her ears and closed her eyes, lying down on the bed. She sang softly to herself the song she used to sing to her son. The melody was off but the words came out like she'd carried on singing it every day since. After a while, the sounds around her dissipated. Her heart rate slipped back into normal range. She lay on her back, staring up at the white ceiling.

x

"Hey, Korsak," Jane said.

She sat in her car on the street, half hoping that Maura would come out begging her to return. After an hour, she realised it was wishful thinking. She'd never seen Maura so...broken. The only thing she knew how to do was solve crimes. She wasn't a counsellor, or a therapist. She didn't know how to help her. Yet all she wanted was to make her feel better.

"Is this where you tell me you're gonna be late?" he asked.

"Something like that."

"You know, you're already late."

"I know."

Pushing her away hurt harder than Jane ever thought possible. She loved Maura, so much that she'd probably die for her if it she had to. The lies she could handle, keeping her past from her was tolerable. But outright rejection? She didn't know how to feel about that.

"I need you to do a background check on a Greg, Gregory probably..." she hesitated.

"Gregory who?"

She stared at the steering wheel.

"Jane?"

Her eyebrows creased, her face contorted.

"Jane? Are you still there?"

She sighed. "I, I don't know his last name."

"I don't know what this is about, I wanna do what I can, but unless we have his full name there's nothing we can do."

"I know." She pinched the bridge of her nose and stared back up at Maura's home. She still hadn't come out, still didn't want to invite her back. "Sorry. I need to go home. Cover for me?"

" _Jane_."

"I know," she said, groaning. "I'm sorry, okay? I need the rest of the day."

"We don't have any new leads, nothing's really happening with the case. The only issue is the pressure we're getting from the Mayor's office…I think Frankie and I can handle it."

"Thanks, Korsak," she paused, pressing her lips together. "I'm sorry. I'll be in early tomorrow."

"You'd better."

She ended the call. There was little she could do when she didn't know who she was dealing with. The only way to help Maura she could think of was to look into Greg's past and find something that could help. Without his name, she was helpless.

After another hour passed, Jane drove home and ordered pizza. Sitting on the couch watching reruns of the latest sports should have been a good enough distraction. Then again, she'd never faced something quite so difficult before. Even the miscarriage, in some strange way, had been more like a blessing than a curse. Had she wanted to be a mother? She wasn't sure. Would she have been any good at it? She couldn't answer. Having the decision taken out of her hands made it easier somehow.

Nobody had mattered as much to her as Maura, and now she didn't know where she stood. Getting to know her son, no matter how short a time they'd spent together, she got a glimpse into the Maura she didn't know. The Maura before she met her. They'd never really talked much about it. She shared snippets; bits about life at school, and her family, but there was still so much Jane didn't really know about Maura. She liked to believe she knew her better than anyone, when actually, the last couple of weeks only made her realise how little she really knew.

x

Ten am the next morning the phone rang. Maura rolled over and stared at Kent's name on the screen. She hadn't called to tell him she wouldn't be coming in, and he would undoubtedly be worried. She wondered whether Jane would have told him, but his call suggested otherwise. Her stomach groaned. She felt a sense of hunger somewhere in the pit of her stomach, though it was so far distanced from herself that she didn't know if it was real or a figment of her imagination.

"Hello," she whispered, holding the phone to her ear.

"Did I wake you?" Kent asked. "Are you sick?"

"I won't be in today," she said, neither confirming nor denying his questions.

"The Mayor's office called. They want an update."

She sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. "I don't have an update."

"Are you okay?" His voice sounded caring, like he genuinely wanted to know if she was or wasn't okay.

She shrugged and shuffled further under her bed sheets. "I won't be in for the rest of the week."

"But what about the Mayor?"

"Call Pike."

"Call...what?" Kent's voice drifted off. She pressed the end call button and placed her cell on her bedside cabinet. It rang again. Kent's name shone on the lit screen. She muted it and turned it face down. She couldn't handle more calls. Not today.

x

Jane had sat in the office staring at the case documents for most of the day. She tried to piece together the Mayor's son's final moments. His death required her full attention and, despite being worried about Maura, she insisted on giving it to him. He deserved that much, especially given how absent she'd been the day before. Despite the hours of work they'd put in, they were no closer to a result. The woman Albert Smithson had been seen talking to was nowhere to be found. All avenues were running dry. At lunch she wandered down to the café and ordered a sandwich.

"I thought you would have told me," Kent said.

Jane span around, his sudden appearance made her jump. "Told you what?"

She glanced at him, then away again. She knew Maura hadn't told anybody about Luke, about who he really was, excepting her mother. But had she changed her mind?

"That Maura's sick."

" _Oh_." She shrugged, her eyebrows tugged together. She wondered at what point in the day Maura had spoken to Kent to let him know, and felt disappointed that she hadn't been informed of the same information. "That."

"Yes, that," he said. "Why didn't you tell me? Did you forget?"

"No, I didn't forget."

"It would be very like you to forget something like that."

"Kent," she said, staring into his eyes. "Shut up."

"Well, that's not very nice now, is it?"

"Unless you have something more enlightening to say other than the fact Maura isn't in work, then please, tell me, but until then, I'm trying to have my lunch in peace."

"What lunch?"

"What lunch? The lunch I'm waiting for, obviously."

"Obviously," he said, rolling his eyes. "We've got the results back on the fluid Maura found on Albert's groin. Looks like Master Smithson had a dirty little secret."

The silence that followed only sought to piss Jane off further. She waited, and stared at him, until waiting she could do no longer. She glared at him, and sighed. If she didn't know any better, she'd have been sure he was doing it on purpose.

"What is the secret, Kent?"

"Patience, don't want to spoil the surprise now, do we?"

"Don't we?" she asked, rolling her eyes. "What surprise? What the hell is going on?"

"Albert Smithson, knowingly, or otherwise, had sexual relations with his sister."

"His…what?" Jane's mouth dropped open. The barista behind the counter placed her sandwich on the counter top. She could hear them saying her name but she didn't turn. Eventually, they walked away. "His _sister_?"

"The evidence is quite clear. It's very possible he was unaware of the blood connection."

"I didn't realise…" Jane shook her head. "I didn't know there were any more children in the family."

"Neither did we."

x

It took a couple of hours after lunch to make the decision to use the spare key. Jane walked through the living area, her hands tucked into her back pockets. Her attention had been pulled in different directions; the new evidence was startling, and also cast a very unsavoury light on the whole incident. There was a new potential suspect, reignition of previous suspects, and many more things to consider. Yet she still hadn't been able to take her mind off Maura. The house was silent. Too silent.

"Maura?" she whispered. The couch hadn't been sat on since Jane was there the night before. The television remote was in the same spot. The coffee mug she'd used; the empty chip packets they'd eaten before Greg arrived. Nothing had changed. There wasn't any additional signs that Maura had been there at all.

She took the stairs one at a time, slowly, cautiously. She wanted to rush into Maura's room, but she knew the risk of doing so. Instead, she took it one step at a time.

Pushing her bedroom door open, Jane's shoulders dropped. It was after four and Maura was still in bed. She'd never seen her rest for so long. Even after surgery, or whenever she was sick, she'd camp out on the couch.

 _"It's important for recuperation to maintain a routine. Just getting out of bed, even if you don't leave the house, can do wonders. Particularly to ward off lazy patterns of behaviour and depression."_

"Maura," she said, stepping toward the bed.

She rolled over, her eyes red and blotchy, her cheeks still covered in fresh tears. Jane's heart ached. She perched on the edge of the bed, painfully aware of how much distance there was between them; how much distance Maura had put between them. She sat up beside her, her eyes wide and frantic. Before Jane could speak, Maura wrapped her arms around her and sunk against her chest.

Every sob that followed, Jane tightened her arms around Maura's shoulders until she could feel every movement. It hurt to bear witness to Maura's heartbreak. But it hurt less knowing she could be there. She rocked them back and forth a few times, kissing Maura's head.

"You're gonna be okay," she said, placing extra kisses along the side of her face. "It's going to be okay."

Still curled into a ball, Maura wrapped her hand tightly around Jane's, hugging it like a pillow. She climbed up closer on the bed, tucking her knees up around Maura's side until it felt like she was as close as she could possibly get.

"It's not, I'm not," Maura whispered, her voice broke before the words even came out in full.

"You will be."

Maura pulled back. She stared at her, her eyes still wide, her face still stained. "He's gone. It's happened again and I can't do anything to change it."

"You can," Jane said, frowning. "You can fight."

"I can't." Maura shook her head. "I can't."

"Yes, you can."

"When I lost him." Maura tucked her hand around Jane's back and rested her cheek against her chest. She breathed slowly, but the fragility of her voice shone through. "I got home from a double shift at work. The house was quiet, dark. I walked upstairs to bed. I went to check on Luke, I went to say goodnight and he...he wasn't...he was already gone."

Every new word came with a barrage of sobs, and fresh tears. Maura's shoulders shook in Jane's arms. She could feel the strain, could hear the sadness.

"You don't have to tell me this."

"I do," she said, struggling to speak. "He'd already...filed for c-custody. The hearing was the n-n-next day. I didn't know they were going to...to...to leave. He didn't t-tell me. I-I didn't...he didn't...I-I..."

Great gasps replaced sobs, like she couldn't catch a breath. Jane held her tighter. "It's okay. It's okay."

"I d-didn't, I d-didn't...see him a-again," she said. Her breathing became more laboured.

Jane held her steady. She felt tears slip from her eyelids. She could feel the panic in every shake of Maura's body, yet she felt completely hopeless. After a moment she dropped her hands from her shoulders and cupped her cheeks.

"Maura, look at me." She stared into her eyes. "You need to breath slowly."

"I-I c-can't. Wh-hat if I-I n-nev-never see…him a-again?"

"You can. You will see him again, I'll make sure of it. Breathe with me." She breathed in slowly, every action exaggerated. She dropped her fingers down to Maura's and squeezed her hands, diverting her focus. "Slowly in."

"I-I c-c..."

"Let's sing then," she said, resting her nose briefly against Maura's. "One word at a time."

"O-okay."

"Baby shark do do do do do do."

Despite every struggle for breath, Maura's lips curved at the edges. She stared back at Jane, confused. Jane raised her eyebrows and smirked.

"That's what I like to see, more of those beautiful smiles. Don't look at me like that, though, you went to camp, you know the silly songs. With me, okay. Baby shark do do do do do do."

"D-do do d-do do do do"

"Yeah, like that." She stroked her hand across the back of Maura's. "Mama shark do do do do do do."

"Do d-do d-do do d-do do."

"That-a girl. Mama shark do do do do do do."


	9. Chapter 9

**Author Note** **: It seems this one is inspiring me above all else, so you get more. It's taken a couple of days to get this chapter written. I'm not quite better, though I'm getting there. Going to the theatre tonight, so that'll be nice. I go away in one week! Eek! In fact, in 7 days time I'll be on a plane. Thank you so much to everyone who has shown an interest in the last chapter, it's great to hear what you think about what I've written.**

* * *

"I can't imagine what it felt like," Jane said.

Maura reached across the space and interlinked their fingers. "What what felt like?"

"Getting home to find your son had gone."

"Yeah." She glanced away. Her emotions hadn't found stability. She welled up, fighting against it until the tears were pushed back down.

"You can talk to me, you know."

She rested her head against Jane's shoulder and leaned in close. Every movement of her arms beneath her cheek followed every breath. She tucked her other hand around the back of Jane's.

"I know."

The room was dark. Maura couldn't pinpoint exactly when it had happened. She'd been distracted, her attention pulled far from the day and into the darkening night. Jane's fingers squeezed around her palm.

"I've never felt so scared," she whispered

"When you found out he was gone?"

"That too." Maura sighed. "But no. I've read about panic attacks. I've seen people have them. I don't think anything prepares you for how frightening it is to feel that level of panic."

"Yeah?"

"It would have been worse if you weren't here." She squeezed her hand back. "Thank you for being here."

" _Always_."

Jane stroked her hand across the side of her head, brushing her hair away from her face. She lowered her lips until they touched her head. A stray tear skirted down Maura's cheek. She'd never felt so loved before.

"I'm glad you're still here now."

"Would you like me to stay over?" Jane asked. "I can sleep in the spare room."

"Why would you stay in there?"

"I dunno." Jane shrugged. "I've only stayed a handful of times."

"When we've had sex."

"Yeah."

Maura hesitated. "You can stay."

"Does that mean we can have sex?" Jane asked, pulling away.

Maura sat back. "Jane."

"I'm _joking_ ," she said, wrapping her arms tighter around Maura's body. She kissed her head again. "I don't want you to be alone."

Another tear strolled along her cheek, stopping only as it collided with the edge of her mouth. "I've been alone a lot."

"You never have to feel like you're alone again," Jane said, squeezing her tightly.

She sighed. "I wish I could believe that."

"I'm here." Jane cupped her cheek with one hand and leaned down. "I'm not going anywhere."

Maura averted her gaze. "You can't promise that."

" _I can._ Now you're mine, I'm not leaving."

She pushed back, finding her way quickly outside of Jane's arms. She edged across the bed. A fire burned in the pit of her stomach, her throat ached. Her chest heaved with every difficult breath. "I'm _not_ yours."

Jane sat upright, her eyebrows tugged together. "You don't have to get so angry about it."

"We're together." Maura wrapped her hands around her arms, cradling herself. "I'm not yours. You're not mine. Neither of us owns the other one."

"I didn't mean I own you," Jane said, dropping her legs over the edge of the bed, her voice raised louder and harder than she planned.

Maura watched her put all of her wait onto her feet and stand up, moving away. "No."

She turned to look at her. Her eyes glistened under the growing intensity of the streetlamps outside. " _I'm here._ That's all I'm saying."

"I'm hungry," Maura said, climbing off the bed.

She slipped her nightgown around her shoulders and headed for the door. She didn't want an argument. She didn't anticipate the conversation taking such a negative tone. She'd forgotten about food, now it was her only source of distraction.

x

Jane found Maura in the kitchen. She'd gathered her emotions, tried to put aside any anger she still housed inside. She didn't want to keep pushing, but she couldn't handle Maura pushing back either. Now they didn't have Luke to distract them from the obvious cracks in their relationship, Jane couldn't bear the thought of it falling apart.

"I should go."

"I thought you were staying," Maura said.

"I was."

"There's enough for you."

Jane opened the fridge and grabbed a beer. She refilled Maura's wineglass and perched on a stool at the counter. She watched Maura cook. The scents emanating around the room filled her with warmth. After a while, Maura placed a plate on the counter and sat down beside her.

"You don't know what's going to happen," Maura said, picking up her fork. "Your job dictates that. Life does."

She frowned. They'd barely said a word to each other since she'd joined her downstairs. Now it was like they'd returned to the exact same conversation.

"We have some control," she said.

"Yes." Maura chewed and swallowed a mouthful. "Not enough."

"You believe in _science_ , not fate."

"I do believe in science." Maura sighed, pushing her plate across the counter. She turned on the stool to face Jane. "But I also know that some things are outside of our control. People walk into schools with loaded assault rifles. Some men hit their wives and children. Life events can cause catastrophic results. Eighty five per cent of eight hundred and ninety eight ten to eighteen year olds in pretrial detention in Illinois reported at least one loss in their childhood. One in three had lost three people. Do you think they have any control over that?"

A crease formed between her eyebrows. "Well, no, but…"

"I tried to be the mother Luke needed." Jane sat back in her seat and continued eating, listening to every word that Maura spoke in earnest. "I sang him to sleep; I breastfed him for as long as possible. I avoided dairy, I ate healthily. Everything I could control, I did. None of that stopped me from losing my son."

"Maura," Jane said, dropping her fork onto her plate.

"I wasn't strict this time." She sighed and stayed silent. Maura continued. "I let him eat junk food and play video games that were inappropriate for his age. I went against the things that felt right to me. I still lost him. Again. Nothing I did, or will do, will ever be good enough."

"That's not true." She reached across the space and gripped her fingers. "It's not your fault your ex came and took him. He's a real asshole."

Maura frowned. "You don't know him."

"You're defending him?" Jane leaned forward.

"You don't know anything about this," Maura said.

"I don't need to. I met him." Jane pushed her plate away. "I've seen you with Luke, I've seen him with Luke. He's a real charmer, but he's smarmy and a he throws his weight around. He's the definition of asshole."

"He's not a bad person."

"He takes your kid off you. Twice. Yet you still say he's not a bad person."

"You don't know him like I do. I loved him, once."

"So?" Jane slipped off the stool and stood up. She ran her hand through her hair, anything to distract her from the uncontrollable feelings coursing through her veins.

"I still remember what that felt like. He tried his best with me but I couldn't be the wife he needed me to be."

Stepping back, Jane's mouth dropped open. She shook her head. "Well isn't he the gift that keeps on giving."

"What do you mean?" Maura turned on her stool.

"You were _married_ to him."

"We got married shortly after we found out we were expecting Luke."

Dropping back onto the stool, Jane rested her face in her hands, rubbing her eyes. "A marriage of convenience?"

"No. We were engaged long before Luke was even a possibility."

She shook her head and stared across at Maura. "Why didn't you tell me you married him?"

"I don't know." She shrugged. "I'm telling you now."

"I should have guessed, really, it's what people do, isn't it? They get married, they have kids."

"I'm not exactly what you would consider most people."

"No." She closed her eyes. "I can't believe you married him."

"We got divorced after he took Luke."

Opening her eyes again, she rested a hand on Maura's thigh. "I don't understand how you could love someone like that."

"He's not who you think he is. You don't know him."

" _Did you_?"

"Of course I did." Maura sat backward, her eyebrows knitted together.

Jane stared at her. Some moments she felt like they were closer than ever, and others, she felt like there was a gaping void. Right then, she didn't know which of the two she felt. All she knew was that she wanted to get back to her.

"Is Luke like him?" she asked.

"No. Not really." Maura rested her hand over the back of Jane's. "They share a few mannerisms, and pronunciation quirks, but that is all."

"Would you say he's like you?"

"No. I wasn't there long enough to have any real influence."

"He's clever like you." Jane turned her hand over and gave Maura's a squeeze. "I bet he's a genius."

"It's possible. He grew up with a multi-millionaire as a father. He probably went to a private pre-school. I doubt he's ever been to a school outside of the private system. He got into one of the most prestigious boarding schools on the East Coast."

"He didn't have to love to learn," Jane said.

"No. I guess not. But Gregory is intelligent. He built a business from the ground up and sold it when he was twenty-five."

"So he's a rich kid who did something with all his money to make more money?"

"Yes. He had a trust fund but he risked it all to make his fortune."

"Doesn't make him anymore likeable."

"You said yourself he's charming." Maura let go of Jane's hand and stepped off the stool. She walked around the counter and cleaned up the plates. "I don't know how you noticed that when he was taking Luke."

"I met him before."

"When?" Maura froze. A plate in each hand. She stared at Jane, her eyes bugged. "I thought he came for Luke and that was all."

"He came looking for you at BPD. I didn't expect him to turn up at the house." Jane closed her eyes, breathed slowly, then opened them again. She cautiously glanced at Maura. "I, err, flirted with him a little."

"He's got a way about him," she said, carrying the plates across the kitchen toward the dishwasher.

"You're not mad?" Jane joined her by the sink.

She placed them on the counter above it and turned around. "Why would I be angry?"

"Because I flirted with someone who wasn't you."

The space between them had shrunk. Maura stared up into her eyes. Jane looked back. She knew it wasn't the right time to even consider being intimate, but that didn't stop her body from arguing against her brain.

"Flirting is playful, by definition it doesn't require serious intentions." Maura leaned a little closer, her eyes fixed on Jane's. "People flirt, it's a way we connect with others. Sometimes we take it forwards and forge romantic links, other times we enjoy it and move on."

Jane found her voice, small and weak. "Why do you have to make it sound so normal?"

"Because it is." Maura glanced away. "Though flirting isn't something I've ever been particularly good at."

"I wouldn't have thought so the way you act when you want me," Jane said, tucking a strand of hair back across her cheek. Jane chewed on her bottom lip. "I'd be able to handle myself a lot better if you weren't around."

Trailing a finger down the middle of Jane's lips, Maura inched closer. "I consider that more foreplay than flirting."

"Still." Jane circled her lips around the tip of Maura's finger and kissed it. "You've got some moves Doctor Isles."

"We weren't supposed to have sex tonight," Maura said, her lips almost touching her finger, still resting on Jane's mouth.

"We don't have to."

"I don't want it to be the go-to fix."

"Isn't it better than feeling like we're miles apart?"

Dropping her hand down beside her, Maura replaced it with her mouth, biting and nibbling at Jane's lips with her own. Jane wrapped her arms tightly around Maura's shoulders and deepened the kiss. Her cold fingers pushed aside her nightgown and lifted the fabric out of the way. Maura succumbed to her. Giving in to every touch, every brush of skin against skin. Until she lay Maura down on the floor. She gripped the carpet, her breath hitched in her throat, as Jane teased her over the edge.

x

"Feel any better?" Jane asked.

"Actually, yes," Maura said. "Endorphins are released during orgasm, making it a natural mood booster and stress reliever."

"No wonder people get so obsessed with it." Jane trailed her fingers across her arm.

"Did you mean what you said before?" Maura asked.

Sitting up, Jane picked up her shirt. "Which part?"

"That you won't leave."

"I don't have any place to go."

Maura sighed. She reached for her nightgown. The room was colder than she anticipated, and the chill reached her skin quickly. "Every relationship I've had has ended with the other person leaving me."

"I thought you left Sir Garrett Fairfield."

"I said no when he proposed. He decided the relationship could no longer continue as a result."

"None of those guys knew how great they had it," Jane said, buttoning up her shirt. She slipped her panties over her legs and tugged them up around her hips.

"I don't care about them." Maura stepped toward her, her nightgown wrapped around her shoulders. She leaned in close and brushed her lips against Jane's. "I care about you. You are the best thing that's ever happened to me."

She took her panties and nightdress from the floor and dropped them into the laundry basket through the kitchen.

"Don't you want to put them back on?" Jane asked, raising an eyebrow.

Maura pursed her lips and tightened the belt around her middle. "Not particularly."

"Planning on some more?"

"I don't expect to plan anything," Maura said, smirking. "But since you're staying over, I assume you'd like more."

Jane breathed in and breathed out quickly. She rested a hand on Maura's hip and ground her pelvis against Maura's side. "I'd like it. I don't have to have it. Right now I'd take anything, even if that's just bed and a movie."

"You probably don't want to get dressed then," Maura said, pushing the waistband of Jane's slacks down around her thighs. "In case bed and a movie turns into something else."

"I guess not."

Kicking off her pants, Jane leaned against Maura's side, pushing her towards the staircase. Maura walked off, her fingers interlinked with Jane's as they rushed up the stairs toward the bedroom. Maura unfastened the belt and tossed the nightgown aside, accidentally knocking her cell phone onto the floor.

"Wait," she said, glancing down at the screen. "I've got three missed calls from an unknown number. From a few minutes ago."

"Who is it?" Jane asked, climbing across the bed and kneeling up beside her.

"I don't know." Maura's heart leapt about in her chest. "It's ringing again."

"Answer it."

"Hello?"

 _"_ _Mom. It's me."_

"Luke?"

Jane's face lit up. She sat back against the bedhead. Maura perched on the side of the bed, her shoulders hunched forward.

 _"_ _He won't let me see you."_

"But he let you call?"

 _"_ _No. He went to get pizza. He'll be back soon. I didn't want to go. Jane told you I didn't want to go, didn't she?"_

Maura sat back and smiled at Jane. "She did."

 _"_ _I want to come back."_

"I'd like that to." She picked up her nightgown and wrapped it around her shoulders.

 _"_ _Make him let me."_

Tears filled her eyes. She slipped an arm into the nightgown. "I…I can't."

 _"_ _Why not?"_

"I'm not allowed."

 _"_ _Is that because of the custody thing? I'm fourteen. I can make the decision myself."_

Tugging the fabric around her breasts, she fastened the belt again. "It doesn't quite work that way, not for a while at least."

 _"_ _But you can fight him. My opinion must count for something."_

"I don't know."

 _"_ _Don't you want me?"_

"Of course I want you. Lucas, I love you."

 _"_ _You haven't called me Lucas before."_

She sat back against the bedhead. Jane trailed her fingers across her thigh, drawing pictures on her skin. "It's your name, isn't it?"

 _"_ _Dad only calls me Lucas when I've done something he doesn't like."_

"Would you prefer I call you Luke?"

 _"_ _That depends."_

"On what?"

 _"_ _On whether you chose my name."_

"I did." Fresh tears slipped from her eyelids. She brushed Jane's hand aside and pulled the gown tighter around her thighs. "It comes from the word lux meaning light. I originally wished to call you Lucius, but your father didn't like it. So we compromised with Lucas. The meaning is the same. Besides, whilst I wished to name you after a scientist, so you would have someone to aspire towards, I much preferred the idea of you having a name that isn't shared by any famous scientists. That way you can aspire to be the most famous."

 _"_ _Who says I want to do anything to do with science?"_

"Nobody." She rubbed at her eyes. "You can be whomever you want to be. I was merely explaining my train of thought."

 _"_ _I'm not sure I could be as good at science as you."_

"Luke."

 _"_ _Lucas."_

"Lucas, I need you to understand that I love you."

 _"_ _I know."_

"Do you? Because we haven't spent a lot of time together, I haven't had the opportunity to show you what you mean to me."

 _"_ _I don't need you to show me. You're my mom, and I know that everything you've done is because you love me."_

"Everything?"

 _"_ _Letting me play video games even though you don't like them." His voice drifted off. The tears on her cheeks increased. Maura's heart ached. "I've gotta go, I think he's back."_

"Wait, when can I speak to you again?" she asked, wiping her eyes.

 _"_ _I love you, Mom."_

"I lo…" The phone line cut out. Maura leaned forward, her shoulders shook. " _I love you too_."

* * *

 **Author Note : I wasn't actually planning on Maura and Jane being more intimate, but that is what they wanted to happen, so happen it did. It kinda breaks my heart to write some of this.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Author Note : Thank you for all the comments, favs, follows, etc. as always. You guys really do make these stories more fun to share. I got on a bit of a roll with this chapter, so it's finished a little sooner than I was expecting. I'm not sure if I'll get another chapter out before I go away, or not. I have FIVE days! I'm scared and excited.**

* * *

"I need a list of hotels in Boston upward of five hundred a night." Jane ran a hand through her hair and sighed. "It's nothing to do with work, Korsak. I just need that list."

Maura returned the cordless phone to the desk and crossed 'Fairmont Academy' off her list. Jane dropped her phone on the counter and cupped her face, sighing.

"Can he help?" Maura asked.

"Nina'll email the list as soon as it's ready."

"I still don't know what point there is," Maura said. "We don't know where Luke called from. He could be back in Vermont by now."

Jane walked across the room and wrapped her arms around Maura's shoulder. She stroked her arm and rested her head against her chest. Jane kissed the side of her cheek. "We don't know anything, but if they're still here, we'll find them. I promise. Besides, if Luke was home, he'd have access to his games console and the internet."

"Not if he's been grounded."

"Would you rather sit in bed all week grieving the kid who wants you back as much as you want him?"

"I don't know what use there is." Maura sighed. "Gregory isn't going to let me see him."

Undraping her arms, Jane perched on the edge of the desk. "At the very least you can say goodbye, properly. Did your lawyer call you back?"

"Not yet. Luke's definitely not at school."

"Is there anywhere else you can think of that Greg might have taken him?"

"I don't know." She rubbed her eyes, trailing her hands down her cheeks. "I don't know what he does anymore, where he goes. I don't know if he has any family here."

"We could get Nina to do a background check, find out."

Maura shook her head and stood up. "No. The more we involve them, the more we have to tell them."

"There could be something we could use. If he'd committed any crimes, or not paid a parking fine. We could bring him in."

"I don't want to do that."

"I know you don't. But if it means getting Luke back."

She wrapped her arms tightly around Jane's waist, her head rested on her shoulder. Her arms tugged around her back. Maura brushed aside the threat of tears and clung to Jane. "I know you mean well; I know you want to help."

"I do."

"I don't want to play the game, I just want my son in my life. If I play filthy then I don't see how that can happen."

"You mean play dirty?"

"Yeah."

"Okay." She kissed her head again. She stepped back and reached for her cell. "As soon as the hotel list comes in I'll start calling around."

"Are you sure they'll give you the information?"

"Don't worry, I've got a plan."

x

"How can you be so sure this is the right place?" Maura asked.

"Five places told me they're not there," Jane said, walking along the road toward the hotel. Maura tucked her hand comfortably in Jane's as she fell into step beside her. "The only one that didn't, refused to give out any information. If that's not code for 'they're here but we shouldn't tell you' I don't know what is."

In the lobby, Maura glanced around at the ornate décor and the champagne reception they had for the guests. She'd stayed there only once, after an event in one of the function rooms. She let go of Jane's hand and hovered by the entrance.

Jane stepped up to the desk. "I'm here to see Gregory Danforth."

"And you are?" the man asked. He glanced down his nose at her.

She flashed her badge. "Boston PD. I need to speak to Mr Danforth immediately."

"Didn't I speak with you on the phone?"

"Me?" Jane shrugged and headed for the staircase. "Don't know what you mean. The rooms are this way?"

"Wait a second," he said, rushing out from behind the counter.

Jane carried on up the stairs, her eyes trained on Maura. "I'm sure I'll be able to find him."

Picking up on the cue, Maura slipped behind the desk and opened up the computer system. Without a thought for consequence, she typed 'Danforth' into the search box and pressed enter.

"If you don't come back down here this second I will call security."

"Excuse me," Maura shouted, standing beside the desk. "I'd like to reserve a room for tonight."

The man turned, a crease formed between his eyebrows. He glanced at Jane, then back at Maura. He waved a hand in Jane's direction and returned to his position. She walked up a couple more steps until she disappeared from sight.

"I'll see what we have available, if you'll excuse me just a second."

He picked up the phone and dialled. "I need security in the lobby. It appears we have a double, and a suite available."

"How much is that?"

"Eleven hundred."

"I'll take it."

"Is it just yourself?"

"No," Maura said, handing over her credit card. "I have a guest joining me."

"Doctor Maura Isles," he said. "I see you've stayed with us before. Welcome back."

"Thank you."

"May I have the name of your guest?"

"Jane Rizzoli."

"That's in our system," he said, handing her the receipt and her card. She signed it and handed the paper back. "Breakfast is in the Garden Room from seven. Room service is available on request. Would you like somebody to bring in your luggage?"

"No," Maura said. "That's fine. Thank you."

She took her key card and walked up the staircase to the second floor. She glanced back over her shoulder briefly as the man resumed his work. A couple of men in suits appeared at the front desk. Maura continued up to the door to the corridor.

"Hey," Jane said, wrapping her arms around her waist. "We staying in a fancy place tonight, or what?"

"Jane," Maura said, tilting her head. "Perhaps you could go downstairs and collect our bag from the trunk."

"I would," she said, trailing her fingers along the hip of her red, figure hugging dress. "But I don't anticipate wearing much tonight."

"Did you forget our purpose for being here?"

"No." She shrugged. "But I've never been in a five-star bed before, let alone had sex in one."

"Excuse me," a man said from the doorway.

He folded his arms across his chest and stared at Jane. A smaller man beside him reached out a hand and gripped Jane's arm. "You need to come with us."

"Officer," Maura said. "I think there's been some kind of mistake."

"I beg to differ," he said. "This woman is trespassing on private property."

"She's a guest." He stepped back, his brows tugged together. Jane nodded. "You can go down to the lobby and check the system if you don't believe me. Jane Rizzoli, she's listed under suite 127."

"Alright, Ma'am, you can go," he said. "But we'll be checking."

"Thank you." Maura handed them a ten dollar note each and continued down the corridor.

Jane fell into step beside her. "Did you seriously just tip the security guys?"

"Do you have a problem with that?"

"Isn't the room expensive enough?"

"The room was not cheap," Maura said. "But I figured it would be a special treat for us, especially considering the last few weeks, that's why I chose the suite over the room."

x

The door at the other end of the corridor was closed, much as Maura expected when she approached. Jane hovered at a distance. She didn't know how she was going to do this, but she needed to do it alone. At least that's what she kept telling herself on the walk through the hotel. She lifted her balled fist, then lowered it again.

"Jane," she said, motioning her to join her. She stalked over, her hands thrust into the pockets of her slacks. "I can't do this alone."

"I thought," Jane began, but Maura cut her off.

"I know." She gripped her wrist. "Please. I need you."

She took her hand from her pocket and tangled her fingers up around Maura's. Together, they stood in front of the door, hand in hand. Maura lifted her fist again. She closed her eyes, about to knock, when she dropped it by her side.

" _I can't_."

"You can," Jane said, holding her hand tightly between her palms. "All you have to do is hit the door and wait."

"You do it."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

Before Maura could change her mind, Jane knocked on the door a couple of times before stepping to one side, abandoning Maura's hand. She reached out, but Jane stood at a distance.

"I can't do this bit for you," she said. "I'm right here."

The man that opened the door had salt and pepper hair, a shade much older than the man she remembered. She breathed in slowly, stealing a glance at Jane, before she looked into Gregory's pale eyes.

"Maura." His mouth dropped open. "What are you doing here?"

She opened her mouth, the words caught in her throat. "I'm here to…"

"Luke's in bed." He stared at her, his gaze cold. "I'm busy."

He pushed the door closed, but Maura reached out and held it open. "Wait."

Pursing his lips, he smirked, stepping over the threshold and into the corridor slightly. He trailed a finger across her cheek. "I know you love him, but you know he's better off here, with me. Don't you?"

" _No_."

"Maura, come on." He squeezed her shoulder. "Nothing's changed. You couldn't do this before and you can't do this now."

"I, I can," Maura said. Her chest ached as she struggled to breath. She stared into his eyes, so familiar, and it all came flooding back. She lowered her head. "I _can't_."

"See?"

"Hey, no," Jane shouted, throwing an arm across the space between Maura and Gregory. "Who are you to tell her she can't do this? You don't know her."

"Ah, the detective," he said, raising his eyebrows. "You think I don't know her? Maybe you don't know her. Did she tell you why she's not in her son's life?"

" _Yes_."

"Oh." He leaned back. "Then you probably don't have children; don't understand."

"So, it's fine for Luke to stay with her when it's convenient for you," Jane said.

"Jane, don't." She grasped at her shirt sleeve, but Jane tugged it away.

"Don't?" She turned around and stared at Maura. " _Are you serious_?"

"He's right." She retreated into the corridor. "I don't know why I came."

" _You do_." Twisting around, switching her attention from Maura, to Greg, and back again, Jane shook her head. "Maura can do this. I know you can. Even if he doesn't."

"We should go."

" _No_."

"Do what she says, Detective," Gregory said, folding his arms. "This is one thing she's right about."

"At least give her five minutes with him."

"Why?"

"Because he's her kid and she loves him."

"Like I said, he's asleep."

Jane rolled her eyes. She stared at Maura, retreating further into the corridor, then turned and smacked her hands against Greg's chest. He stumbled back slightly.

She sprang into action, reaching for Jane. "Jane, don't."

"You let her see her son." She thrust her finger against his clavicle. "Or you'll be sorry."

"Is that a threat?"

"No," Jane said. "But you can't let her spend two weeks with him, then take him away without so much as a goodbye. Five minutes, that's all I'm asking for."

He chewed his lip, his eyes trained on Maura. He glanced back at Jane and raised his eyebrows. "Fine. Five minutes."

x

Jane blocked his path as Maura entered the hotel suite. She folded her arms across her chest and stood as tall as she could reach. Gregory stared back, their eyes fixed like two people ready to duel.

" _Alone_."

"I never said she could see him alone," Greg said, stepping to one side.

"Don't be a jerk," Jane said, stepping in his way. "Haven't you done enough? Hasn't she been punished enough?"

"She's not good for him."

"Says you?"

"You haven't seen them together," he said, lowering his gaze. "You didn't see how difficult it was."

"When was the last time _you_ saw them together? I've been with them the past two weeks; I've seen what a good mother Maura is."

"Two weeks doesn't make up for all the damage that was done." He smiled at her, his teeth bared briefly. He shook his head and fixed his gaze. "He didn't understand what was happening, he didn't know that she was hurting him by the way she is."

"The way she is?"

"You know she's different."

"She's _Maura_ ," Jane said, frowning. "She's not different, she's just her."

"You can defend her all you like, but the way she is hurt my son. I had to protect him, I had to do what's best for him. You don't have children, do you, Detective?"

" _No_." She sighed. "But I don't see what that's got to do with anything. Maura's grown so much and you haven't been here to see it. She tries harder every day than either of us will ever understand."

"That's the thing though, isn't it?" He raised his eyebrows, leaning forward as he stared at her. "She has to try. He doesn't need that level of instability."

"But he needs you living in another country while he's shipped off to boarding school?"

"Maura and I both went to boarding school. We are no worse off for it."

"That's what you think."

x

Luke's eyes bugged the second he opened the door, he reached out and wrapped his arms tightly around Maura's body and rested his head on her shoulder. She stumbled back slightly, taken aback by his affection. She rested a hand against the back of his head and ran it across his neck and down his spine.

"I thought I wasn't gonna see you again," he said, pulling out of the embrace.

Maura cupped his cheeks. "My sweet boy."

"Can we go home?"

Her chest heaved as she let out a sigh. "I'm sorry. I'm not here to take you back, I'm not allowed."

"But you can change that, can't you?" He gripped her wrist and pulled her into the bedroom.

She followed him across to the bed and sat down, his hand rested against her arm. "Do you want me to change it?"

"Yes."

"I can't promise you I can," she said. "I want to see you more; I want to be the mother I should have been all these years."

" _Please_."

She pressed her lips together. "I don't know if it's possible, but I'm going to try everything in my power to change this."

"Why can't I come with you now?"

"Your father won't let that happen." Maura tucked her hands under the edges of her dress. She stared at her shoes as she lifted her foot up in front of her. "You need to understand that I don't want to lose you again, that I'm here."

"I know."

Her eyelids fluttered closed. She sat up as straight as she could. Tears pricked her eye. "I don't know if I'm any good for you. I don't know if I can give you the home that you deserve, or be the mother you need."

Luke's voice broke as he spoke, tears laced his voice. "Dad can't. He's never here."

"I want to try," Maura said, squeezing his fingers. "I want to try and do better. For you."

"Is he going to take me back to school?"

"Probably. I don't know."

"I'll run away again." His chest heaved, tears caught on his cheeks. "I won't go back to school. He can't make me go back."

"Luke," she said, running her fingers across the back of his hand. "Think about your actions. I know you want what you can't have, I want it too. We have to let the court decide."

"What court?"

"The only way I can make sure I can see you is to go through the court system. It's that or mediation, and I don't think your father is open to that."

"Why do you have to go to court? Why can't he just let me stay?"

"It's complicated." She sighed. "I'll try to explain it to you one day."

"Explain it to me now."

"I can't. It would take too long and I only have a couple of minutes left."

"You're leaving?" He stood up, his chest heaved faster, tears strolled down his cheeks. "Don't go."

The bedroom door opened. Gregory stood on the other side with his hands on his hips. Maura glanced at Jane over his shoulder, staring back apologetically.

"You can't do this," Luke shouted, walking up to his father. "Don't make her go."

"This is for your own good, Lucas."

"Don't call me that. Don't talk to me. I _hate_ you."

"You can hate me all you want," Gregory said. "But I'm doing what's best."

" _No_ , you're not." Luke marched across his room, then back again. He stood up tall, squaring up to Gregory. "You don't understand. I want to see her. She didn't make this happen, I did. Don't make me stay with you."

"Luke."

"No. Don't say that." He shook his fist angrily at his side. "Don't say my name like that."

"I'll say your name how I like," Gregory said. "Get in the bathroom and wash up for bed. Maura and Detective Rizzoli are leaving now."

"No!" he screamed, wrapping his arms around Maura and holding her tightly. She stood, frozen on the spot for a moment. She glanced at Jane, trapped between her desire to do the legal thing, and her love for Luke. The more upset he became, the harder it was to peal him away. But she did it anyway. She slowly removed his fingers from around her body. "Don't let him make you go. Don't go. I don't want you to go."

"Lucas," she said, stroking the tears from his cheek. "My beautiful boy. Listen to me, you have to stay here. I have to go."

" _No_." He stepped back, stumbling against the bed. He cradled his head in his hands.

Maura ran a hand across his shoulder. "I'll be back."

"No, you will not," Greg said, stepping forward.

"I will," Maura said, standing a little taller. She pursed her lips. "Things are different now, Gregory. Luke needs me, he wants me in his life. Can't you see how hard this is for him?"

"This wouldn't be so hard if you'd sent him back to school like you should have done."

"I tried." Maura sighed. "He didn't want to go. He hates it there. I may never get full custody of him again, but I promise you that I will fight you for as long and as hard as I can to get access."

"Maura, please," he said. "Be reasonable. You're not fit to be a mother."

"Maybe not." She stepped backward through the doorway. "But how do I know if I don't get to try again? I love you, Luke."

She marched through the living area, Jane hot on her heel. Her chest burned with the breath she held in, with the pain locked up inside. When she set foot on the carpet of the corridor, and the door closed behind them, she gasped for breath.

"What if I can't do this?" she asked, leaning forward, every breath harder than the one before. "What if I can't do what I just promised Luke I'd do? What if I can't get access?"

"You will," Jane said, hooking an arm across Maura's shoulders. She leaned close against her back. "I'm here. I'll do it with you. I won't let you do this alone."


	11. Chapter 11

**Author Note** **: Just a quick author note - I'm hoping to get one more chapter of this up before I leave on Tuesday, it'll be a sort of mid-season finale, I suppose. Here's the next chapter...**

* * *

Maura slipped off her shoes and sat down on the couch. Her heart swelled and ached with every passing second. She couldn't quite find the words to describe how she felt, nor did she really want to. A few minutes with Luke was enough, for now, until she could request her lawyer to act.

"Perhaps we could order some drinks from the bar," she said, leaning against the couch. "Or we could go down."

"Yeah," Jane said, pacing across the room, Then back again.

Her eyebrows tightened. "What's wrong? I thought you'd be happy?"

"What's there to be happy about?" Jane asked, stopping across the room. She turned, her hands tucked into the pockets of her slacks.

"I got to see Luke again." Maura stood and walked over. She slipped her hands through the gaps between Jane's arms and her body and pulled her into a tight embrace. At first, Jane didn't move. After a moment, she rested a hand across Maura's back. "It's because of you. I don't think I'd have been brave enough to do it without you here."

"Maybe."

Leaning back, Maura stared into her eyes, cautiously aware of the lack of words Jane had spoken since they'd returned to the room. The more she thought about it, the more she realised Jane didn't say a word the whole walk back.

"We need to celebrate," she said, grinning.

Untangling herself from Maura's arms, Jane walked over to the window and stared out across the city. "Celebrate what?"

"Anything," Maura said. "Everything? I'm finally going to fight for Luke, and I couldn't have done it without your support."

Jane turned around. She sighed. "Has he always spoken to you that way?"

"Who?"

"Who?" Jane shook her head. "Gregory. Who else?"

"Which way?"

"Like you're incapable of being a mother."

"I've made a lot of mistakes," Maura said. "He's trying to protect Luke."

"He's an abusive ass."

Taken aback, Maura stared at Jane, her eyebrows pulled together. Words caught in her throat. She didn't quite know how to respond to that. "Gregory has never hurt Luke."

"I'm not talking about Luke, but he's not exactly dad of the year."

"Me?" Maura asked, frowning.

"Yes, you."

"He's never hurt me, either," she said, sitting back down. "He's a good man, and a _good_ father. He's not a violent man."

"I'm not talking about violence. Why are you defending him?"

"Why do you insist on making him out to be the bad guy?"

"Were you in the same room as us?" Jane shook her head vehemently and turned away. "I can't believe you can't see it."

"Can't see what?"

"He questioned your ability to be a mother every time he spoke."

"Like I already explained, he's trying to protect..."

"...Luke, I know." Jane rolled her eyes. "But that's bullshit. You can protect your kid and not talk shit to your kid's mother."

"Jane, I think you misunderstood."

"Ahh!" Jane balled her fists up in front of her and slammed them down against her thighs, groaning loudly. She stepped forward, her voice raised. "His faith in you as a person is zero. I don't care whether he's trying to protect Luke, he talks to you like you're something he stepped in. He's basing his opinion of you on something that happened over a decade ago, and from the way he spoke to you tonight I wonder if it ever went the way you said it did."

Retreating against the comfort of the couch, Maura folded her arms across her chest. "Please stop shouting."

"No!" Jane said, her voice only grew louder. "Not until you acknowledge that the way he spoke to you wasn't acceptable."

"I'll admit he was tough, but it's nothing I don't deserve."

"That's debatable," Jane said. She stared out the window, the night sky shrouded in a mix of city lights and a scatter of stars barely visible behind the cloud. "When you were in with Luke he called you unstable, he called you different."

"I _am_ different, and it's caused problems."

"You're not different," Jane said, slower, quieter. She stalked across the room and perched beside Maura. Gripping Maura's hand, she moved her fingers across it. "You struggle sometimes with understanding social cues, you don't always get phrases, that doesn't make you a bad mother, it makes you human. Nobody's the same."

"You weren't there, Jane. You didn't see how difficult it became."

"Was it difficult because you found it hard, or was it difficult because he made you think you were worthless?"

"What are you implying?"

"If he's always spoken to you the way he spoke to you tonight, is it any wonder you felt like you weren't good enough for Luke?"

"That makes no..." Maura's voice drifted off. She replayed the conversation they'd had that evening, and the way it very quickly pulled her back into a place she didn't imagine she'd ever go again. Despite the conversation with Luke, she still doubted herself. She still felt, so deeply inside, her inadequacies. It was only then, when she sat with the feelings for a moment, that she realised how deeply those feelings ran. "I don't, know."

Edging closer, Jane cupped cheeks. "You are the most amazing person I've ever known. I've watched you grow from the person you used to be when we first met into this confident, independent woman. It took one conversation with him for her to disappear."

"I," Maura tried to speak but the words caught in her throat like too much chilli on pasta. She gasped, shaking her head. "It can't be. He, he's a good father. I don't, I can't remember."

"You're better than what he claims you are. You're smarter, and happier, and better for Luke than he thinks. Please don't let him destroy that."

She stood and walked into the bathroom. She locked the door and stared at her reflection. For as long as she could remember, her memories of Luke's early years were shrouded with the loss of custody. What she'd forgotten, or more, what she hadn't allowed herself to remember, was how low her confidence had become.

The last two weeks she'd felt uplifted by Jane's support, and her words only sought to further build her confidence. She'd said more positive things to her that night than she could ever remember from Gregory.

The harder she tried to remember her marriage, the harder it became to ignore the intense feeling of worthlessness that encompassed her. The face staring back at her was not the face she'd looked at every day a decade ago. That face wondered if she'd ever feel normal enough to give Luke what he needed.

That face repeated the questions asked of her by the one person who was supposed to support her.

She covered her face with her hands. A wave of nausea overwhelmed her until she had no choice but to rush to the toilet bowl. She knelt on the floor, her heart raced every time her stomach contents rematerialised. When all that was left was the lining of her stomach, she heaved a couple of times then returned to the sink.

Scooping water up in her hands, she drank, thirstily refilling her stomach with the only option available to her.

"Maura?" Jane tapped on the door.

She reached for a towel and unlocked the door. Her cheeks were red. Jane held her arms out to her and she crumbled into them.

x

"We need to stop doing this," Jane said, lifting her foot along the edge of Maura's leg. She clutched her round the shoulders, peppered kisses along her neck. "You know I can't resist you."

Maura scraped her nails up Jane's thigh. "Why would we need to stop?"

"This isn't the answer to anything."

"It doesn't need to be."

"I guess not." Resting her cheek against Maura's, she sighed. "I don't want to not communicate. For this to be the only way to fix a problem."

"That's my fault."

"No, it started with me."

"Long before we got together," Maura said. "Since, you've done nothing but be everything I asked you to be. I'm the one who failed."

"It's not failure." She draped her arm across Maura's stomach. "You were in an abusive relationship, that's not your fault."

"You weren't there. You don't know what it was like."

"Don't tell me you're defending him, again."

"I'm not." Maura turned over, her body pressed comfortably against Jane's, like yin and yang. Together, yet separate. "Until I can piece together what I remember, I refuse to judge him on something I don't fully understand."

"I guess I can't expect anything else," Jane said. "You need to get there on your own."

"When we are intimate, I feel closer to you, and right now, that's what I need, is that okay?"

"I just don't want you to be hiding behind sex."

"I'm not. That's not what this is." Maura ran her palm across Jane's cheek. "Is that what you think I'm doing? Using you?"

"You know me," Jane said. "I love sex with you. I'd never think you were using me. I'm worried."

"You don't need to be."

"I think I do."

"Why?"

"Gregory." Jane tucked her ankle across Maura's and brushed her lips across her forehead. "I don't know what your relationship was like. But what I've seen you two together; it scares me, Maura. It scares me that you can break so easily when he's in front of you."

"I didn't break," Maura said, sitting up. "I stood up to him."

"After I stood up first."

She moved back across the bed. The space between them grew. Jane wrapped the bed sheets around her chest and stared at Maura, at her eyes darting about, confusion etched across her face.

"I'm not saying that to hurt you." She reached for Maura's hand, but she tugged it back, moving towards the end of the bed. "It's what happened. You found strength because I was there beside you."

"You make me sound weak."

"Maura," Jane said, leaning forward. She slipped off the end of the bed and stood up. "Come on, don't be like that."

"How am I supposed to be?" she asked. "You've just told me I'm weak, that I can't be strong unless you're there. Do you know how condescending that is?"

"Come on, Maura." Jane climbed off the bed and reached for her shirt. Wrapping it around her shoulders, she fastened a couple of button. "Don't be like that."

"Like what? Upset? Angry?"

"No."

"I'm sorry Jane, but that's how I'm feeling right now. You've hurt me."

"Fine." She buttoned the rest of the shirt and reached for her panties.

Maura sat in silence. Every action Jane made, she glanced over, watching her stood naked beside the bed. Her heart ached. Maura looked so lost, and yet, she couldn't do or say anything to make her feel better. She zipped up her slacks.

"Where are you going?" Maura asked, when she headed toward the door.

"I'm leaving."

"Why?" Maura stepped toward her, her hand outstretched.

When it collided with Jane's arm, she pulled back. "Don't."

"I don't want you to go."

"You don't get to make that decision."

She shook her head. "I can't believe you. I'm the one who has reason to be angry and upset and once again you're making this about you."

"Once again? I'm not making anything about me." She stared into Maura's eyes, at the hurt flash across her orbs. "You've pushed and pushed me away. I can't do it anymore."

"You're leaving me?"

Jane sighed, and shrugged. "I'm leaving the hotel. I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do after that. But I'm sick of being here for you, supporting you, only to have you throw it back in my face again."

She pulled open the door and marched across the suite. Maura followed close behind. "You can't."

"I can, and I am."

"Jane, don't," Maura said.

She unlocked the front door and turned back. The devastation on Maura's face should have been enough. It forced a battle of wills to play out in her heart. She didn't want to walk away when Maura needed her so much. But her heart was aching too much. She couldn't do it anymore. She needed a break.

"I'm sorry," she said, closing the door behind her.

x

"Where have you been?" Kent asked, standing in the doorway of Maura's office.

"I told you, I couldn't come in yesterday."

He strode across the room with his hands in his pockets. "You look healthy enough, you certainly don't look like you were on death's door yesterday."

"I didn't say that I was."

Slouching into the chair opposite her desk, Kent sighed. "Where's the kid?"

"He's returned to his family."

"I thought you were his family."

A couple of tears lingered on the edge of her eyelids. She stared down at the case file on her desk, a welcomed distraction from everything going through her mind. When she looked back up, her resolve had returned.

"How did you know?"

"The DNA test you allowed him to do."

" _Oh_."

"It's more than that," he said. "He looks like you. There had to be some familial link. Though I didn't expect him to be your child."

Maura pursed her lips and glared at him. "Why did you open confidential DNA results?"

"We received several results, someone had to check them. I opened it by mistake."

"What were the other results?"

"The Mayor's son had been sleeping with his sister." He clasped his hands across his stomach. "We had quite the eventful day yesterday."

"I'm sorry I missed it."

Kent stood up. "You don't need to apologise to me. The Mayor's office may appreciate an update, that's if you'd like to reveal such sensitive information to them."

"Thank you, Kent. I'll deal with it."

x

The bullpen buzzed with people; a hive of activity on an otherwise quiet morning. Jane sat down at her desk, barely awake, barely functioning after a night of tossing and turning. After she arrived at her apartment she'd drunk too much beer and stared too long at the television. By the time she attempted to sleep, it passed her by until the early hours of the morning.

"Where the hell have you been?" Korsak asked, his hands on his hips. "Did you forget we have a case to solve? I've already got the Mayor's office putting pressure on the department, I can't have my detectives flaking out on me to go deal with whatever it is they think is more important than the goddamn Mayor's goddamn son."

Elbow on the table, she stared up at him. Her eyelids felt heavy and her heart ached. "Feel better?"

"Yes, actually," he said, perching on the edge of her desk. "I mean it, Jane, I can't have you disappearing like that. Not now. We're like goldfish in a pond, with a very powerful kitty waiting for the moment when they can sweep in and eat us."

She raised an eyebrow. "I'm a goldfish?"

"If you don't start talking to me, instead of turning up looking like you haven't slept a wink, then yeah. I'm gonna kick your ass down to beat for a week. See how you like that."

"I know you don't mean that," she said, rubbing her eyes. "Where are we at with the case?"

"You know the problem with this?" he asked, waving his fingers between them.

"Problem with what?"

"You and me." She shrugged. "You stopped treating me like your boss and started treating me like a friend."

Jane sighed. "I haven't slept all night, you're gonna have to spell it out for me."

"I thought I was." He frowned. "When I scold you for being absent, I expect you to take it seriously, not treat it like I'm just playing games."

"I do treat it seriously, Vince," she said. "I'm just joking, and tired. So tired."

"What's got you so tired?"

"It's complicated, but Maura and I got into a fight."

"Women," he said, laughing. Jane stared at him. "Sorry, I know you're a woman too, but you're not like other women."

"Really?" she asked, sitting back. "What exactly do other women do that I don't?"

"Paint their nails and wear dresses, for one."

"I'm gonna pretend this conversation is part of some terrible dream," she said, folding her arms and resting her forehead against them.

"Don't fall asleep."

"Why not?"

"You've got work to do." He stood. "Someone's gotta ask the Mayor why his son had a physical relationship with a sister we knew nothing about."

x

Jane stared at the Mayor, waiting for his reaction to the revelation. She half expected him to tell her where to go, or inform her that she'd been mistaken. Instead, he pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed.

"Nobody knew."

"Nobody knew what, Mayor?" Frankie sat on one seat, Jane beside him.

"Nobody knew that I had a relationship which resulted in a child shortly after my son was born."

"You cheated on your wife," Jane said, crossing her arms. She turned to Frankie. "Sounds about right."

He stood up, his palms pressed firmly against the desk. The vein in his head pulsed. "You have no understanding of the situation, Detective. I deplore the present circumstances, and ask that you refrain from judgement."

"Okay." She leaned back. "We've got all day."

"I, however, do not," he said. "I have meetings. All you need to know is what I've told you. A child was conceived. The child's mother was financially remunerated and the girl was given the best in life."

"You paid her off?"

"No, Detective, I ensured the girl had everything she deserved."

"Except a father," Frankie said.

"She had a step-father."

"That makes it okay?" Jane asked.

"Of course not." Mayor Smithson glanced at the desk, then back up to Frankie, and Jane. "I don't expect you to understand. What happened between Albie and the girl happened without the knowledge of myself, or her mother."

Jane smiled, her eyebrows raised. "Really?"

"What are you implying, Detective Rizzoli?"

"She's not implying anything," Frankie said, standing up. He gripped Jane's arm, and spoke in a hushed voice. "Stop what you're doing before you destroy this case."

"He's lying," she said.

"Then we'll find proof, don't push him."

"Yeah, whatever," she said, shrugging his hand away and rushing toward the door. Frankie followed at a distance. "Don't leave town, Mayor."

"Wouldn't dream of doing."


	12. Chapter 12

**Author Note** **: It feels like an age. I wish I could have written before now, and even this has been a struggle. I will get back into it, eventually. This may not be the best chapter in the world, but it's hard. Having so long away has been extra challenging, then with some personal things going on. Hopefully it won't be long until I am knocking out a chapter a day again. We can only hope!**

* * *

Jane marched into Maura's office like she knew exactly what she was going to say. When she approached her desk, every thought disappeared from her mind. She swallowed the lump that threatened to surface. Maura sat back against her chair, her eyes closed and her lips pressed together. Her hands clasped across her stomach. Despite the peaceful posture, a small crease between her eyebrows gave away the true nature of Maura's feelings.

Jane sat down. "Going to pretend I'm not here?"

"I'm doing nothing of the sort," Maura said, opening her eyes. She sat upright. "I was meditating."

"Why?"

"I needed to find some peace."

"Did it work?"

Maura sighed. "No. My son is still probably on his way to Vermont, my girlfriend isn't talking to me."

"I'm talking to you," Jane said, frowning. "I'm sat right here, talking."

"You'd rather talk about the case."

"Yes, I'd rather talk about the case," she said, resting her elbows against her knees. "But I'm not gonna ignore you. I needed space, and you gave it to me."

"Was it long enough?"

"I dunno." She sat back again. "Where are we at with Albert Smithson?"

"You tell me. I believe you're aware of the relationship between Albert and his sister."

"The Mayor's closing up. He told us she exists, but he won't tell us anything else."

"I might be able to help with that," Maura said. She stood up and searched through a small box on the cabinet. She returned to her desk with a small bag, which she pushed across the desk toward Jane. "We found this inside Albert's back pocket. It's a card for a bar in Cambridge."

"I thought we'd been given all the evidence," Jane said, turning the plastic bag over. "Why was this kept aside?"

"We didn't realise it was there." Maura leaned across the desk, and rested her hand against Jane's. "I've been distracted lately. Kent found it while I was in bed."

Tugging her hand away, Jane tucked it under the side of her thigh. Maura narrowed her eyes, sitting back.

"Not enough time," she said, smiling weakly.

"When you asked me to be honest with you, I had this overwhelming need to do the opposite."

"Pardon?" Maura rested her hand against the desk, her eyebrows tugged together.

"I've never been in a long term relationship, not like this, not a normal one."

"I wouldn't have defined either of us as normal."

"I've been in relationships, you know that. But this one is different. I've always known it would be different. You're _Maura_. I've dated people, and I suppose you could call it a relationship. But I didn't know how different it would be."

"How different what would be?"

"Being with you. Being with someone I love. It's made me realise how much I didn't love Casey, not like I love you. I didn't know it could feel this way."

"I don't know what you want me to say."

Jane sighed. "Sometimes, you don't have to say anything."

"Oh."

"I mean; the way we are together isn't something I've been entirely comfortable with from the beginning."

"Having to be open about your sexuality has its challenges."

"It's not that."

"It isn't?"

"When I talk, you listen, and when you talk, I listen."

"That's to be expected."

"Is it?" Jane brushed her hair back from her face. "I want to do this right. Maybe that's why I hesitated. Maybe I didn't know how to handle the intensity of how I feel about you. Listening to you has made me realise what makes a relationship survive."

"What conclusion did you reach?"

"This is what we need. Time together, talking, listening. I think I've been too busy scared of what might happen, especially since Luke showed up, that sometimes I forget to do that. You needed time and I pushed you. You weren't ready to hear what I thought about Gregory and I pushed you again."

"Jane, I don't blame you..."

"Let me finish. Please."

"Okay."

"I make mistakes because this isn't what I'm used to. It doesn't come natural to me to put your needs ahead of my own. I wish it did, because I'd want to do that almost every time. But it's something I have to work on."

"You're not alone in that."

"No." She stood up, hooking her thumbs in her belt loops. "I think we're still learning how to be a pair, how to communicate the way we should. Then Luke arrived and everything got thrown up in the air."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologise." She walked around the desk and perched on the corner, reaching for Maura's hands. "I know I was pissed at first, but I've gotten used to it. I've heard everything you've said. Neither of us expected that curve ball, but it's here and we have to deal with it. Which is why I'm trying to do this differently to how I want to."

Maura stared down at their hands, she rested her palm against the back of Jane's hand and stroked it slowly along her skin. "How would you like to do it?"

"Run in the other direction."

" _Oh_."

Shrugging, Jane reclaimed her hands, resting them over her knees. "But I won't. I don't want to do that. I'm fighting against that need every day. You can push me, and put up barriers. That's your decision. But the harder we push against each other, the harder it's gonna be to recover what we built."

A heavy weight settled over Maura's heart. She stared into Jane's eyes, desperate to feel safe, to feel comfortable, but there was something in their conversation that unsettled her.

"You say that like it's all or nothing."

"I don't mean to make it sound that way." Jane stood up and turned away, her eyes trailed through the glass window into the examination room where Kent was working on a body. She sighed and turned back to Maura. "This isn't an ultimatum. I just needed you to know that I need you to try, to fight against everything your mind wants you to do, and talk to me."

"I'm trying." Maura stood up, her chest heaved. "I don't know how to talk about that part of my life."

"I know." Jane leaned forward, not quite touching Maura. "But maybe that's the reason why you should."

"Does this mean I can hug you?"

Lowering her gaze, Jane shook her head. "No."

" _Oh_."

She stepped away. "The more physical contact we have, the more likely it is to lead to something more."

"I really don't see why that's such a bad thing."

Feeling the distance, Maura dropped her hand to her side, her heart ached. The last she wanted was to feel more apart, more separate, than they ever had.

"I feel like we're hiding behind it," Jane said, reaching forward. She trailed her fingertip along Maura's wrist. A bare fraction of contact that sent a shiver down Maura's spine. "It's holding us up and that's not going to work forever. We're in that stage where I just want to be with you, to hold you in my arms and make love to you. I sound like some cheesy song, which I hate. But it's how I feel right now. All I want is you. But we've got too much other stuff to deal with, I don't think we should complicate matters."

Swallowing, Maura fought the pain in her throat. She returned to her desk and cleared her throat. Shuffling a pile of paper in front of her, she tried to focus on it. She read the words "bond premium" six times.

"I'll leave you to it," Jane said, picking up the evidence wallet. "Hopefully we can find something here."

x

"I'm Detective Rizzoli, this is Detective…Rizzoli," Jane said, narrowing her eyes slightly. She was still getting used to calling her brother that. She could see the twitch in the man's eyes as he skimmed them both. "We've got a few questions."

"The owner ain't here right now," the man said, his dark eyes closed, and he tugged his eyebrows together. "I suggest you come back at seven."

"Funnily enough, we don't wanna speak to the owner," Jane said, folding her arms. "There's a chance we may need to eventually, but for now it's enough to speak to employees."

He cleared his throat and stood a little taller. His black suit was barely creased, his tie fastened perfectly. The man glanced at Frankie again, his eyes landed on the mess of a tie around his neck.

Jane stepped across Frankie, getting a little too close to the man. "What can you tell me about Albert Smithson?"

"Albert who?"

"Smithson. The Mayor's son."

"I don't know the Mayor's son." His eyes widened. "Didn't he die?"

"You read the papers," Frankie said, rolling his eyes. He held out his cell and a picture of Albert. "You ever see this man here?"

"No." He barely glanced at the photo and turned back to Jane. "Are we done? I'm busy."

"No, we're not done. Look again. Properly."

"You've no way to force me to look at the photograph."

"Really?" Jane rolled her eyes. "Ever heard of obstruction of justice?"

"Look, Lady," he said. "I'm not here to get in anybody's business. We're a private place, we don't go round sharing information about our clients."

"Private place?" Frankie scoffed and took the evidence wallet from his pocket. "This is one of your business cards, correct?"

"Yes."

"It was found on the body of Albert Smithson, if you don't know him, someone else might. We're looking for a woman, similar age to Albert, she might look like him. We don't have a name, but we do know that she's an important person in this case."

"We have several women who work here."

"How many of them look like Albert?" Jane asked.

"Two, I suppose."

"We're gonna need their names, and contact information."

x

A strong scent of ammonia filled Jane's nostrils, she blinked a couple of times and groaned. She hated visiting the beaten up apartment buildings, she hated seeing the deprivation she generally managed to avoid. She'd already seen one baby with a snotty nose and rosy cheeks. She'd already felt guilty for living somewhere half decent while he crawled about in hallways covered in rat droppings.

"She'd better be in this time," Jane said. "I can't keep coming back here."

"You didn't even come last time."

"Luckily."

"Yeah, thanks for that," Frankie said. "At least we know this one is probably our girl. Lisa looks nothing like the Smithsons and she doesn't even know who the Mayor is."

The apartment door opened. A tall, lanky teenager stared at her, his eyes travelled down her body. Jane felt exposed despite wearing a relatively conservative suit. Frankie reached across the threshold and smacked him gently across the head.

"Hey! What was that for?"

"No perving on the detective," Frankie said.

"You're a detective?" His mouth dropped open.

"Your mom home?"

He shrugged and turned back into the apartment, walking off down the hallway. Jane edged inside. The boy had dark brown hair, his nose was large, but he looked a little like Albert. He also reminded her of Luke. Jane sighed. The walls were neatly painted but the corners were chipped and mold was growing through. Despite the problems with Luke's home life, he still had privilege banging down his door. This child and his mother lived in squalor.

"The kid of a rich politician shouldn't be living like this," Jane muttered.

A tall woman, with blonde hair and soft eyes appeared from a doorway. The teenager skulked around behind her. Jane reached a hand out to her.

"I'm Jane Rizzoli, this is Frankie. We're detectives with Boston Homicide."

"Homicide?" She stared at Jane for a moment, then covered her mouth, her eyes filled instantly with tears. "Is this about Alby?"

"I'm very sorry," Jane said, folding her hands across her front.

"How? When?"

The teenager narrowed his eyes. "What's going on?"

"Go to your room."

"Not until you tell me what's happening."

"Later." She stared at him, her eyes fixed, her voice harsh. " _Go_."

Slouching off in the opposite direction, the woman invited them into the lounge. Jane perched on the edge of a dirty old couch, Frankie beside her.

"Sarah," Jane said, leaning forward. "We've got some questions to ask you about Albert, about your family."

She lowered her gaze. "You know who I am."

"We do." Frankie reached out and handed her the business card. "We found this in Albert's pocket. Someone he worked with said he saw you and him together. At least, we assume it was you."

"When? I haven't seen him in weeks."

"He died a few weeks ago."

"I haven't seen him since he met me outside of work a few weeks back."

"Outside of work? Where exactly?"

"There's this streetlamp, it's dark and difficult to see but we were both shaken by what we'd found out."

"That you're related?" She nodded. "What happened after you saw him outside work?"

"We, we…" Rubbing at her eyes, she sighed. "We went down an alley beside the club and we slept together."

"Even though you knew you were related?" Frankie asked, abruptly.

"Frankie!" Jane said, hitting him on the arm. She glared at him then turned back to Sarah. "I'm sorry."

"I know it looks bad," she said. "I know nobody would understand. But I fell in love with him. I didn't know who he was at first."

"When did you find out exactly?"

"A week before he…before I last saw him." She lowered her head, tears streaming down her cheeks. "I'm sorry. I can't do this."

"It's okay." Jane rested a hand against her shoulder. "We've got some more questions, but they can wait."

x

Tossing pillows from the bed, Maura paused when Jane entered the room. She hadn't even heard the door go. She clutched a pillow against her front. The last few days had left her feeling somewhat more fragile than she would have liked.

"I didn't hear you come in."

"I didn't knock," Jane said. "Maybe I should have."

"You don't need to knock."

Picking up a pillow, Jane proceeded to toss it onto the floor. Maura dropped the one in her arms onto the pile and pulled back the top of the bedsheets. Jane moved some of the pillows back across the bed.

Sitting down, Maura smiled at Jane. "Did you have a good day?"

"Successful, I suppose," Jane said, sitting beside her. "We spoke to Sarah, Albert's sister."

Maura reached her hand across the gap, Jane rested her own over it. "Oh?"

Jane shrugged. "She loved him."

"As a sister?" Jane shook her head. Her eyebrows raised, Maura stared at Jane. " _Oh_."

"If it wasn't so creepy, it'd be really sad."

"I suppose, considering they didn't grow up together, it's not all that different from meeting someone who isn't related to you."

Jane stared at her and edged a little closer. "No, Maura. It's creepy."

"Okay, it's a little creepy," Maura said.

Leaning back against her pillow, Maura stared at Jane. She had things she wanted to say, questions to ask, but mostly, she was just really glad that Jane was there at all.

"We're breaking your rule," Maura said.

Shrugging, Jane trailed her fingers across Maura's. "She has a kid."

"Sarah?"

"Yes. He's about the same age as Luke." Gripping Maura's hand tightly, Jane cleared her throat. "I miss him."

"Me too."

"How are you?" Jane asked, slipping an arm across Maura's back, she leaned against her shoulder. "Since he left. I've been too busy worrying about our relationship I almost forgot to worry about you."

"I feel," Maura said, pushing away the desire to cry. "I feel like we've gone back before Luke arrived, except now you know about him."

"We'll find a way to get him back here."

"Will we?" Maura sat up, Jane's arm dropped from across her shoulder. "I know my lawyer is looking into the situation, but I don't know how we will ever get him back. Not the way I'd like him back."

Resting her hand over Maura's, Jane kissed her on the cheek. "We're gonna try, okay?"

"Okay."

A knock at the door pulled Maura's attention. She sprang out of bed and reached for her robe. Jane followed close behind.

"Who's that at this hour?"

"If I had to guess, it would be me," Jane said. "But since I'm here, it's obviously not."

Frowning, Maura laughed. "That makes no sense."

"Maybe it doesn't to you."

Reaching for Jane's fingers, Maura gripped them tightly. Together they walked down the stairs. For a moment, Maura's heart ached, a feeling of dread filled her. Her mother once told her that a late night visitor was not a good thing. Some years later she came to realise that it was either someone interested in staying the night, or something much more akin to what her mother had suggested. Since Jane was already beside her, her heart raced.

"Jane, I'm scared."

"What of?" Jane asked. "It's just somebody at the door. It's probably Frankie come to drag me back to the office."

"What if something bad happened?"

Narrowing her eyes, Jane shook her head. "Don't do the fearing the worst thing. That's not you."

"I don't know what's me anymore," Maura said.

"Open the door and find out." Jane gripped her hand. "It won't change the outcome to stand here expecting something bad."

Another knock.

Maura dropped Jane's hand and reached for the door. She pushed down on the handle and pulled it open. Carefully, the gap grew wider until a boy with the sandy brown hair and smile she would remember anywhere appeared.

"Luke?"

"Hi, Mom."

"What are you doing here?" Maura asked. "What did I say to you about travelling by bus?"

"I didn't get a bus," he said, shrugging. "I got a cab."

"All the way from Vermont?"

"Used Dad's Uber account."

"Lucas!"

"He won't miss a few hundred dollars."

"That doesn't make it alright."

"Then I'll go straight to bed without any dinner," he said. "And no television until at least the morning."

The laughter beside her made Maura growl, she stared at Jane, then her lips curved and her own laughter surfaced. "Don't encourage him."

"He's your genius kid," Jane said.


	13. Chapter 13

**Author Note** **: I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get this chapter written. I'd written most of a chapter then realised I didn't want any of it to happen just yet, so had to write it all again. It's also been a bit of a struggle writing, my motivation is low right now. But I'm pushing through it, it just might take a bit of time. I have a busy weekend as I'm working Sunday/Monday until Christmas and I'm busy all of Saturday, too. I know I have Lullaby to work on, too. Hopefully I'll get back into it soon.**

* * *

"How pissed is he?" Luke asked, sitting on the couch.

Maura sighed and shook her head. "While you're here you're to use proper language."

"The origin of the word piss dates back to the thirteenth and fourteenth century, making it older than many words considered proper language today, such as selfie, and YOLO."

"That doesn't make it an acceptable word," Maura said, perching on the couch beside him, she dropped her phone onto the table. "Stop distracting me. Your father didn't answer the phone. But we do not deal with problems by running away from them."

Shrugging, Luke rested his head back against the pillows. "You ran away to Boston, then Dad took me to three different states. The phrase "actions speak louder than words" comes to mind."

She brushed his hair back from his face. "I know we've set some bad examples, but that's no excuse to follow in our footsteps."

"Why?"

"I'd rather you listened to us, rather than ignoring our requests."

"But why?"

"You're fourteen."

"For two more days."

"Your father and I deserve some respect."

" _You_ do." Luke picked up the remote and turned on the television.

"Anyone for hot chocolate?" Jane asked, carrying a small tray over to the coffee table. She placed a hot chocolate in front of Luke, and handed a mug of coffee to Maura, before sitting down on the chair opposite.

"Thank you." Maura sipped her drink, silently wondering how best to deal with the current situation. The distraction was not enough to cut the conversation short, despite the glint in Luke's eye. She shut off the television and turned to face him. "Regardless of whether you think you should show your father respect or not, I'm taking you home. Immediately."

" _No_!" He picked up his hot chocolate and settled back against the couch. "Can't I just stay one night?"

Maura reached for her cellphone and attempted to call Gregory again, but for the second time it went to voicemail. She looked to Jane for help, but all she did was shrug.

"Finish your drink, we're leaving in ten minutes."

" _Mom_!"

"You can argue until you're blue in the face," Maura said. She pressed her lips together to ward off the smile that threatened to creep across her face. She wasn't sure she'd ever get used to him calling her that. Clearing her throat, she forced her eyebrows to pull together tightly. "But I won't budge. We're taking you home."

"We?" Jane asked. "I've gotta get to work first thing, if I'm late or tired, Korsak's not gonna be happy."

" _Me_. You can stay here."

"On my own?" Jane raised an eyebrow. "Without you?"

Maura frowned. "It's not like you've never stayed here without me before."

"No, I haven't." She finished off her coffee and put the mug on the table. "I can always go back to my apartment."

"Are you sure? I thought you had. Wouldn't you prefer to sleep in a bed with a decent mattress?"

"My mattress is fine."

"You don't flip it."

"It said in the instructions that I don't need to flip it."

"You're still supposed to turn it around."

"Why?"

Sighing, Maura turned back to Luke. "If I didn't know any better, I'd be sure you took after Jane."

"Hey!"

x

The last remnants of sunlight disappeared into the darkness. The intermittent streetlights around the occasional property along the road made the drive a little less monotonous. Maura disliked driving on country roads once the sun had gone down, ever since the night she'd driven back to Boston after losing Luke. She clearly remembered the moment her heart leapt in her chest when she saw the blur of lights of a big rig coming toward her, her eyes too full of tears to fully focus on the road ahead. She'd spent the remaining hours of darkness on the side of the road, unable to sleep, for fear of someone breaking into her car. Feeling a wave of tiredness hit, Maura turned on the air con and the radio. It crackled to life with a song from the nineties she barely recognised.

"Where did you live after you left Connecticut?" she asked.

"I thought you didn't want music on," Luke said, frowning.

"I changed my mind."

Luke sighed and leaned back against the seat, he lifted his foot onto the dashboard. Reaching across, Maura pushed it down onto the floor again. He groaned and sat upright.

"Are you going to tell me where you lived?"

"Why?"

"I want to know more about your life."

"Vermont."

Gripping the wheel, Maura focused on the road ahead. "How long did you live there?"

"I dunno, eight years."

"Where were you before Vermont?"

"Maine."

"For how long?"

"Two years."

"Why have you reverted to one word answers?"

"Two years is two words."

Smiling, Maura nodded her head. "Very true. You're usually more talkative than this."

"Yeah."

"Not tonight?" Maura asked. "Or is this because I'm taking you home?"

"I don't want to go."

"You don't have a choice."

"You do!"

"No. I don't." Sighing, Maura leaned forward a little. She stared at the trees as they travelled quickly past them, it was almost hypnotic. "If it was my decision, we wouldn't be going back to Vermont."

"Then turn around."

"Lucas." She chewed the inside of her lip, frightened of the emotion that threatened to surface. She didn't want a repeat of the night she left him. She cleared her throat in an attempt to regain her composure, but her voice threatened to betray her. "If I break the rules of the custody agreement, then it will be harder to have access in the future."

"I _hate_ him," Luke shouted, slamming his balled hand down on the dash.

"Luke!" Maura put on her blinkers and turned the car off onto the side of the road. She shut off the engine. Any semblance of light faded into the darkness. She turned, silently watching the shadowed form of her son. Luke hunched over, until Maura heard the click of his belt buckle, and he sprang out of the car. She checked her mirror and climbed out, wrapping her hands around his shoulders before he could move away from the vehicle. "Lucas, please."

"I don't want to go back," he whispered, his voice as broken as Maura felt. She wiped at her eyes, and held him tightly. The gentle shake of her shoulders made her heart break into millions of tiny pieces.

She kissed the side of his cheek. "I'm sorry. I wish I could make this better, I wish I could change it."

"Yeah."

"I'm trying to fight the arrangement, but it's going to take time."

He tensed up and stepped out of her embrace. Maura moved toward him but he returned to the car, and by the time she had seated herself back behind the wheel, he was buckled in and staring at the road.

"So," Maura said, as they set off again. "Tell me about Maine."

"I don't remember much."

"No?"

"We went in the summer after we moved."

"To the same house?"

"Yeah."

"What was your favourite thing?"

"Fishing."

"With your dad?"

"No. Just me." Luke leaned back in his seat, his chin down against his chest. "Dad stayed at an apartment in New York, he had to work. He came out at weekends."

" _Oh_." Several questions sprang to mind, but she could sense the tension in the car. "Where else did you live?"

"California, for a few months."

"Was that before or after Maine?"

"Before."

"I suppose you won't remember much of that, either."

A long silence followed. Maura turned her attention back to the wheel, so much so that she nearly missed when Luke started speaking again.

"I remember missing you."

For the next few miles, Maura tried to find the right words to respond, but every possible option seemed pointless, or insufficient. Fifty miles later, she still hadn't found anything to say, and neither had Luke, so she returned to the silence that had plagued much of the start of their trip.

x

"We could fly somewhere, go to Europe, he doesn't have to know."

"Luke."

Maura continued walking up the front path. Her shoulder's drooped. She would have loved to have booked them a flight and run away, but she knew it wasn't the solution. It would only cause more issues, and considering the arrangement, she'd be breaking the law.

He blocked her path. She stopped and watched him. His face lit up with excitement. "I could learn French, or German, or both!"

"I'm sorry."

"La France est un pays merveilleux. Comment dit-on "let's go" en Français?"

"You say 'allons-y'," Maura said, pursing her lips. "I know France is a wonderful country, but we can't go."

She stepped past him and approached the door. Breathing in slowly, she knocked loudly, then pressed the doorbell. A few minutes later and the door opened. Greg stood on the other side, a thin layer of stubble coated his chin. He held a book between his fingers.

"Maura?" He shook his head. "What are you doing here?"

"I tried to call, did you not receive my messages?"

"My cell has been playing up." His eyes travelled to Luke, stood behind Maura. "What are you doing out there?"

"He came to see me."

"You did _what_?" Stepping out of the house, he gripped the edge of Luke's shirt and pulled him toward the door. "I thought you were in your bedroom!"

Frowning, Maura crossed the threshold, wrapping her hand around Luke's. "You didn't even know he was gone?"

"He was meant to be in his room, studying."

"Well, he wasn't. He caught a cab all the way to Boston."

"You're going back to that school first thing tomorrow," Greg shouted, holding his hand out to the staircase. "Get up to your bedroom, right now."

" _No_." Luke moved closer to Maura, his fingers still gripped hers. "I don't want to."

"I have to go back to work next week, I shouldn't even be here. You should be in school. If you'd do as you're told instead of catching buses and cabs across the country, then we wouldn't be in this situation." He smiled apologetically at Maura. "Thank you for returning him, I'll handle it from here."

" _No_!" Luke stood in front of her, his voice crackled and broke as he spoke. "She can't go. Let her stay. Please."

"I'm sure Doctor Isles has things to be doing," he said.

"Actually," Maura said, but Luke jumped in.

"Mom, she's called Mom." He turned to her, his eyes full of tears and his cheeks bright red. "I've never spent a birthday with you."

"You spent your first birthday with her," Greg said.

"I don't remember it," Luke shouted, turning to face him. "It's your fault. Don't make her go. I want her to stay, just until the end of my birthday. _Please_ , Dad."

Sighing, Greg waved his hand in front of him. "Fine. She can stay until your birthday, but only til lunchtime. We have plans in the afternoon."

"Thank you!" Luke's face lit up, he wrapped his arms around Greg's shoulders. Maura watched the brief exchange between her son and his father. She remembered the tense man who didn't know how to hug his son, how he still didn't know. She closed her eyes and breathed in slowly. That was one thing she knew how to do better. Luke gripped her hand and dragged her up the stairs.

"I don't have anything," Maura said. "I can't stay the night."

"Please, Mom," Luke said. "We have a spare toothbrush, it's new, I promise. You can sleep in the guest room. Nobody ever stays here because we're never here to have any guests. It's next to my room."

"Okay," Maura said. She followed him up the stairs and into the spare room. Her brain was telling her not to, that she had a job to get back to, but her heart clung to the additional hours she was being allowed to spend with her son. "I need to call Jane, let her know that I won't be coming back straight away. You should go to bed, it's late."

"It's not that late."

"It's late enough. The sooner you go to sleep, the sooner we can spend some time together, tomorrow."

"Okay," he said, nodding. He rushed out of the room, then ran back in again. He kissed her on the cheek. "I love you, Mom."

Grinning, Maura cupped his chin and kissed his forehead. "I love you too, Lucas. Goodnight."

Alone in the spare room, Maura looked around at the simple but modern décor. She perched on the edge of the bed and took out her cell. It was later than she'd realised, so she sent a brief message to Jane.

' _It's late, staying the night. Might stay two. I love you x_ '

' _At a hotel?'_

' _No. At Luke's x_ '

' _At Greg'_ _s?_ '

Maura dialled Jane's number and lay down on the bed. "I'm staying for Luke."

"But you're staying at Greg's house."

"It's Luke's house, too."

"But Greg lives there."

"What's your problem, Jane?"

"I don't have a problem," she said. "In theory."

"In theory?"

"I miss you."

Maura laughed and kicked off her shoes. "It's one, two nights at the most. I'll be back soon. You should be asleep or Korsak won't be happy."

"Gah."

"I miss you, too. I'd rather be in my bed, with you."

"I'd rather be in your bed too."

She paused. "Why aren't you?"

"Because you're not there."

"So?"

"So, why would I sleep in your bed if you're not there?"

Sometimes she forgot how early they were in their relationship, and how much she loved spending time with Jane. The last few weeks had been tumultuous to say the least, but in the midst of it, she'd lost sight of why she'd fallen for her in the first place. They had something special.

"You went back to your apartment?"

"No. I'm in the spare room."

" _Jane_." She laughed and rolled onto her front. "Why are you in the spare room?"

"I've never slept in your bed without you."

Maura closed her eyes and rolled back against the pillow. She listened the methodical sound of Jane's breath, perfectly aligned with her own.

"But you're okay staying at my house without me?"

"I'm not." Jane sighed. "It's not the same without you."

"We're supposed to be taking a break from physical contact, remember?"

"Sleeping in the same bed isn't physical contact."

"Jane!"

"I know, I know I'm the one who said we should have a break. But my body misses you."

"Your body will be fine without me for a couple of days."

"Why two nights?"

"It's Luke's birthday the day after tomorrow."

"That'll be nice." She paused, a silence that felt like it dragged out for eternity. "I wish I could be there with you."

"I know. Me too."

"Wish him Happy Birthday from me," Jane said.

"You can wish him that yourself, I'll phone you tomorrow."

"Okay."

A small squeal filled the receiver of the phone.

"Jane? What's wrong? What happened?"

"I thought I heard someone downstairs."

Her heart leapt in her chest. "And your first response was to squeal?"

"It was just your neighbor taking the trash out."

Laughing again, Maura rolled her eyes. "Do you realise how ridiculous you sound right now?"

"It's not my fault, I'm not used to the noises your house makes."

"You're a Detective."

"So?"

"You have a gun."

"Oh, yeah." Jane sighed loudly. "I can't sleep."

"Have you tried?"

"No."

"Then try, if you still can't sleep, message me."

"Why can't I ring you?"

"Because there are things I can write that I can't say out loud when my fourteen-year-old son is sleeping in the next room."

The briefest silence followed, then Jane purred. "Doesn't that break the rules?"

"No physical contact."

"True." She moaned softly. "Can we skip the bit where I try to sleep?"

"Goodnight, Jane."

x

"You look like you haven't slept," Korsak said, folding his arms across his chest.

Jane rolled her eyes. She felt like she hadn't. By the time she'd finished messaging with Maura it was late. The middle of the night wakeup call was anything but appreciated. "It's four in the morning, what do you expect?"

He leaned closer and sniffed her shoulder. "Smell pretty bad, too."

"Excuse me for not having time to shower when you call me up at four in the morning and demand I get here right away."

"You still could have showered." She scrunched up her nose and stuck her middle finger up as Korsak walked away. "I can see what you're doing."

" _How_?"

"Eyes," he said, turning around with a smirk on his face. "In the back of my head."

"Yeah, right." She followed him into the apartment building. "What's going on? Why are we at Sarah Frith's apartment?"

"Sarah was attacked by a masked man around midnight. She got a knock at the door, she thought it was her neighbour who sometimes comes around if things aren't going well with her abusive partner."

Jane's eyes bugged. "She's not dead?"

"No."

"Then why are we here?" Jane swallowed the lump that formed in the back of her throat. All she could think about was Luke. "Is her kid okay?"

"He was sleeping, he didn't know what had happened until he woke up and found the man stood over his mother."

The staircase wreaked of ammonia as it had on the first visit. Jane covered her mouth with her hand and traipsed up the last couple of stairs. She'd forgotten how disgusting it was. Maybe now they could close the case and she could drive up to Vermont to be with Maura. If they were lucky.

"Kid picked up a lamp, nearly killed the man. Thankfully he's just severely concussed. He's in police custody at the hospital."

"Do I really have to ask?" Jane stopped halfway to the apartment, and folded her arms across her front.

"Why are we here at four in the morning?" Korsak asked. "Because she's involved in our case and this man could be our killer. Quit yapping about the time and get in there."


	14. Chapter 14

**Author Note** **: Apparently being one of the elves for Father Christmas, where I work, means I have time to write, once I've checked off names and sent them to the second elf. So I managed to get this one ready sooner than I expected. I hope you enjoy it. It's one of those chapters where I really enjoyed getting into the nitty gritty.**

* * *

"He died?"

 _"_ _Yeah. He was fine when they put him in the car to take him to BPD, but when they got there he'd already passed on."_ Jane sighed. _"_ _Can you come home, or not?"_

"Can it wait?" Maura sat down at the dressing table in her room. She stared at her reflection in the mirror as she spoke. "We already know how he died, it's likely to be a hematoma as a result of the head injury. Kent can extract any external evidence. I would assume any pertinent evidence would come from his identity."

 _"_ _That's the problem,"_ Jane said. _"He's a nobody."_

"He can't be a nobody. Someone must know who he is."

 _"_ _We do. He has no connection to anybody involved in the case."_

Her voice was strained in a way Maura wasn't used to hearing. It was a sign of exhaustion. She longed to reach through the phone and hold Jane, to give her a moments reprieve from the strain of the job.

"Do you know if he killed Albert?" she asked, in an attempt to help.

 _"_ _Not sure."_

"Is it possible…" she said, but Jane cut her off.

 _"_ _Are you about to guess?"_

"No, Jane." Her lips curved at the edges, the smile affected the sound of her voice. "I'm about to hypothesise."

 _"_ _Okay. Hypothesise away."_

"Could someone have paid him to kill Albert and Sarah?"

 _"_ _Why?"_

Smiling again, Maura stood up and walked back across to the bed. She picked up the jacket she'd purchased first thing. "I'm beginning to think Luke will make a great detective one day."

 _"_ _Or a medical examiner._ _"_

"Why a medical examiner?"

 _"_ _You don'_ _t guess_ _,"_ Jane said. _"Asking why is all you do."_

"It's not all I do." Maura pursed her lips. She tugged the jacket around her front and fastened a couple of buttons. It was cheap fabric, and not something she usually opted for, but it would serve its purpose for the short erm. "It's part of it."

There was a pause. Maura listened to the methodical sound of Jane's breath. She found comfort in the silence, as she analysed herself in the mirror.

"But to answer your question," she said, finally filling it. "If your supposition that the mayor is guilty, do you really think such a public figure would do it himself?"

 _"_ _No. He_ _'_ _s a gun for hire."_

"Speaking of which, if his intention is to kill Sarah then why didn't he?"

 _"_ _Her kid got in the way."_

"Impossible," Maura said, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

 _"_ _You didn't see the crime scene; how do you know it'_ _s impossible?_ _"_ Jane asked.

"Because Sarah and her son would be dead."

 _"_ _How do you figure that?"_

"Come on, Jane." She waited a moment, yet Jane didn't speak. "I know you don't really need my help on this."

The other end of the phone went silent again, before Jane made a small excitable noise. _"Because he killed Albert with a gun. There was no gun, and if there was, he'd have used it. Maybe he didn't mean to kill Sarah."_

"Maybe it was a threat because she'd spoken to you."

 _"_ _I need to call you back, we've gotta get her somewhere safe."_

The phone cut out. Staring down at the screen, an image of Jane's hand wrapped around Maura's shoulder, and her lips pressed against her cheek filled the space. She heard shuffled footsteps in front of her. Maura looked up to Luke stood in the doorway. She motioned for him to enter the room.

"What are we doing today?"

"I don't know. Where would you like to go?"

He shrugged. "I dunno."

"How about we go to the mall? I did order something for your birthday, but it didn't arrive in the time, so we can go and pick something else out."

"It's okay." He lay down on the end of the bed, perching his head up against his hand. "I can wait."

"But it's your birthday tomorrow."

"You'll be here. I can wait for the present."

"Okay."

"What is it?" he asked, sitting up, excitably.

"You'll have to wait and see."

"Dad wants to get me a car."

"But you're only fifteen," Maura said, frowning.

"I can get my learner's permit when I turn fifteen," he said. "I told him I wasn't bothered but he thinks it'd be good for me to learn how to build a car."

"Are you allowed to bring it to school?"

"I dunno."

"Are you interested in mechanics?"

"I dunno. I guess I'll find out."

"Well, it is a useful skill to have. You'll never need to take your car to the shop."

He shrugged and crossed his legs on the bed. "I wish I was turning eighteen."

Maura smiled. "You shouldn't wish your life away."

"Why not?" He shrugged. "If I was eighteen we wouldn't need to wait for some lawyer to say who I get to live with."

"Are you really so unhappy here?" She sighed and stood up, turning back to the mirror to finish tidying up her hair. "Your father has provided well for you."

"I…" The phone rang. Maura glanced down at the screen on the bed. Despite wanting an update on the case, she moved away again. "It's okay. Answer it."

"Are you sure?" Luke nodded. She scooped it up. "Hello, Jane."

 _"_ _Korsak and Frankie are on their way to Sarah's, we've got them a safe house."_

"Good." She felt a weight shift from her chest. "That's a relief."

 _"_ _How's things at Gregory'_ _s?_ _"_

"Fine. Luke and I are going out today, once we've found somewhere to go."

 _"_ _Ooh, you should go to the Centennial Field."_

"What is Centennial Field?"

Maura's lips curved at the edges as Luke rolled his eyes.

 _"_ _The Vermont Lake Monster's play baseball there."_

"You're forgetting that it's you, Jane, who loves baseball. Not me."

 _"_ _Maybe Luke wants to go to Centennial Field."_

Pulling the phone away from her mouth, Maura turned to Luke. "Do you want to go to the baseball stadium?"

"Not really."

"It's Luke's birthday," she said into the handset. "So it's his decision, and he said no."

 _"_ _Fine. Then I'll go out on my own tonight, to a wine bar."_

Her eyebrows knitted together, Maura cleared her threat. "Why a wine bar?"

 _"_ _Because you love wine."_

"So, it's your attempt to make me feel left out because you're feeling left out?" she asked.

" _No_."

Luke held his hand out for the phone. Narrowing her eyes slightly, Maura handed it to him.

"We'll drive past the stadium and take a picture," he said.

 _"_ _Luke? Hey, kid."_

"Hi." He dropped his legs down the side of the bed and onto the floor. "Will that help?"

 _"_ _Not really."_

"Aren't you working?"

 _"_ _Yes, I am."_

"Any more gruesome bodies?"

 _"_ _Not today."_

"Can you go and give Kent a wedgy?"

Snatching the phone out of his hand, Maura glared at Luke. "Jane, do not give Kent a wedgy."

 _"_ _Spoilsport."_

x

After a busy and tiring afternoon, Maura slipped into the oversized tub in the bathroom and closed her eyes. Soothing music played through the speakers of the stereo and she found peace in the silent moments. Eventually, she got out, dried off and headed to the kitchen to help prepare dinner. She stopped by the doorway as she heard Luke's raised voice.

"I don't want to go back there!"

"You can't not go to school, Lucas," Greg said.

"I wanna go to school, I just don't wanna go to that school."

"That school is the best school you can go to."

"No, it's not," Luke shouted. "I hate it there."

Greg paused, then sighed. "You've not been there for long, give it more of a chance. It'll get better."

"It won't." The strain in Luke's voice broke Maura's heart. She stepped towards the door, then thought better of it. As much as she wanted to be part of the conversation, she had to remind herself of her current role in his life. " _You don't understand_."

"I understand clearly enough," Greg said, his voice even and slightly cool. "That school is your best chance at a future."

"But I don't like it."

"You don't have to like it. You just have to get a good education."

"There's plenty of good schools," Luke said, his voice barely lowered from its high volume. "Why can't I go to a different one?"

"The only realistic alternatives are not suitable." Maura could hear the sound of a knife slicing through something and hitting a chopping board. She leaned against the wall, conscious of the morality of eavesdropping, yet desperate not to miss such a significant conversation. "I don't want you going to an all-boys school, and the few mixed sex boarding schools are not as academically proficient. Short of sending you interstate, there are few options available to us."

"What about schools that aren't boarding schools?" Luke asked.

Greg sighed again. "You know that's not an option."

"Why not?"

"In case you forgot, I can't be in the country year round."

"I didn't forget." Luke's voice cracked as it went up a pitch. "I can live with Mom and go to school in Boston."

A wave of emotions flooded her mind. She chewed on the inside of her cheek to stop from saying something, from walking into the kitchen and forcing her way into the conversation. The silence dragged on, and Maura found herself as impatient for a response as she anticipated Luke to be.

"And what does Maura think of that? Have you even asked her?"

"No." Luke's voice jumped from sadness, to excitement, and she could imagine his face lit up like it had been earlier that day when they stopped by the Ben and Jerry's factory. "But I know she'd want me to live with her."

"You can't go inviting yourself to live at other people's houses."

 _But he's not,_ Maura thought. _He's welcome. He's always welcome._

"She's not other people," Luke shouted, his voice grew louder and more strained. "She's my _Mom_."

"Be realistic, Lucas."

"I am! I want to live with her and go to school in Boston."

"It's not an option."

As if someone had turned up the volume, Luke's words travelled into the hallway as if he'd shouted them directly into Maura's ear. "Why not?"

"Why not?" Greg asked, raising the volume of his own voice. "You are at the _best_ educational institute for your future. This school will help you get into Colombia."

" _I don't wanna go to Colombia!_ "

Maura retreated slightly. The tension from the room was travelling out of the kitchen. She expected even if she went back to the guest room, she'd still be able to hear their raised voices. Instead, she stood, frozen to the spot.

"You don't know what you want, you're only _fourteen_. Trust me. I went to Colombia and it's the best option for you."

"I don't want to go there!"

"Fine." Greg paused. When he started speaking again, his voice had dropped to its normal volume. "Then you can come to China with me. There's a fantastic English language school."

" _No_!" Luke shouted.

"No?" He scoffed. "I thought you didn't want to attend Fairmont anymore. You can learn to speak Chinese. Do you know how good that would look on your college applications? In four years, you could become fluent."

"I don't _want_ to go to China."

"Those are your choices. You stay where you are, or you come to China with me."

"Those are not my only choices."

"Those are the only choices you have."

" _No_! Why won't you listen to me?"

"I am listening. You hate Fairmont. Your alternative option is to go to school in China."

"I _hate_ China."

"You've never even been."

"I don't need to go."

"The way you're behaving, leaving your school without permission, travelling interstate. Perhaps China is the best option."

Tears pricked at Maura's eyelids. She clutched her hands at her sides, desperation seeped into the edge of her emotions. The last thing she wanted was for Luke to go to another country. What hope would she have then of gaining any semblance of custody?

" _No_!"

She stepped forward, pushing open the door slightly, though still cautious of her presence. She opened her mouth to speak, but Greg filled the briefest silence.

"I'll make the call," he said, reaching for his cell phone off the kitchen counter.

" _No! Dad, don't!_ " Luke shouted, reaching forward and grasping hold of the phone.

"Let go of the phone, Lucas," Greg shouted, gripping tightly to one end.

" _I won't go to China!_ " Luke screamed, pulling the cell phone out of Greg's hand.

"Give me my phone," he said, his voice cold and methodical. " _Now_."

"Not until you let me stay here!"

"You can stay at your boarding school."

" _No_! I want to stay with Mom."

"If you don't stop this behaviour _right now_ Maura will be going home tonight."

"I hate you! I _fucking_ hate you," he screamed, throwing the phone across the room. It smashed against a cupboard door and landed on the floor, misshapen.

Greg, his mouth agape and his eyes wide, took a moment to respond. "You'd better get to your room, _immediately_!"

Luke turned and ran for the door, his face pale and awash with guilt. When he saw Maura, he looked like a rabbit in the headlights.

She tried to speak, but her voice was tiny. "Lucas."

He reached forward and wrapped his hands around her shoulder, as his own shook. What felt like teardrops landed on the fabric of her shirt. She placed a hand on his back and rubbed it slowly up and down.

"What are you doing?" Greg shouted. "I told you to go to your room."

" _No_!" Luke cried, his face stained with tears.

"Luke," Maura said, cupping his face. "You need to listen to your father."

"Why?" he asked, the strain in his voice evident. "He doesn't listen to me."

"Please. For me. Do as he asks."

Sobbing harder, Luke slouched forward, wiping at his cheeks as he walked off down the hallway.

"Gregory..." Maura began, but he cut her off.

"I'm making dinner. Pasta okay?"

"Err, yes," she said, taken aback by how blasé he was now that Luke had left the room. She paused in the doorway as he went back to chopping a bell pepper.

x

A fire roared in the grate. Maura clutched a blanket up around her legs as she sat on the couch reading a book. Clearing his throat, Greg stood in front of her, a glass of white wine in both hands.

She took one glass. "Oh, thank you."

"I take it you still drink Sauvignon Blanc," he said, sitting beside her.

"Of course."

A long silence followed, drifting out into the distance until Maura couldn't help but attempt to fill the space.

"Is he always like that?"

"Like what?"

"So angry."

"Oh, yeah. _No_. I've never seen him like that before." Greg leaned back in his seat, his feet spread on the floor. "This is the first time."

" _Oh_." Maura glanced down at the book, abandoned on the cushion beside her. She considered what that meant, and how it made her feel, something which she struggled to put into thoughts. "It's because of me."

"Come on, Maura," Greg said, lifting his legs up onto the couch. "You had to realise this would have an effect on him."

"Well, of course," she said. "But I didn't expect him to be so angry."

"You abandoned him."

"I did not abandon him."

"No, technically not. But that's the way he sees it."

"Did he tell you that?"

"He doesn't need to. He's my son, I've watched him grow."

"If he's so angry at me, why is his anger directed towards you?"

"Do you really think he feels he can be angry at you? He barely knows you. He probably doesn't want to upset you, through fear of losing you again."

"I," Maura drifted off. She turned the book over in her hands and scanned the back cover, then returned it to the couch. "You might be right."

"He's unsettled. He started a new school, now you're back in his life. He's trying to cope with how he feels about it all." Greg reached out and twisted his little finger around Maura's. "You being here, it's making it harder. He's confused. He doesn't know how to make sense of all of this."

"He's _fourteen_ ," Maura said, staring down at their fingers, interlinked. She was transported back to the nights they spent together talking before they officially got together, to the slightest touch they shared.

"He is, but he's a young fourteen. He's not got very much emotional intelligence." Greg shrugged. "A bit like you, he's been slower to catch up on that sort of thing."

"It's not exactly been easy for me, either," Maura said, sighing. She wrung her hands together, separating herself from him. "But I'm in a much better place than I was before."

"I know. I can see that. But he's a child. His feelings need to come first, they always have done. That's why he's with me."

"You live in China while he's at boarding school."

"You say that like it's a bad thing. If I'm not mistake you elected to go to boarding school yourself."

"That was an entirely different situation," she said, closing her eyes. The reminder of her troubled upbringing was neither wanted, nor appreciated. "Luke is not I, and I am not Luke."

"I know. I'm sorry." Greg rested a hand against her shoulder and stared into her eyes. "It's so weird, sitting here with you. After all these years; you still look as beautiful as you did a decade ago."

The tension in the room built so much so that Maura wanted nothing more than to walk out of the house, and Greg's life, once more. She swallowed the lump in her throat. When he leaned forward, his fingers cupping her cheek, she leaned back, her hand outstretched against his lips.

"I'm in a relationship."

"I won't tell him."

She shifted along the couch. " _Gregory_."

"I know." He sighed and rested his head against the back of the couch. "I'm sorry. We had a good thing. Once. I'll always remember how stunning you looked at our wedding. Best day of my life."

"Luke said you've been married a few times," Maura said, curling her legs up in front of her, forming a barrier between them.

"Nobody came close. That's why none of them lasted. How about you? Is this one a keeper?"

"It's early days," Maura said, forging a smile. "My partner doesn't settle easily, it's different with me. We're very happy together."

" _Partner_?"

"The gender of my partner is neither here, nor there."

"I take that to mean you are in a relationship with a woman."

"Gregory." Maura sighed. " _Don't_."

"Don't what?" Greg leaned forward. "Luke is already unsettled. I think I should know who she is, if she's going to have any part in his life."

"Does that mean you're willing to re-negotiate the custody arrangement?"

He edged further forward, his arm stretched across the back of the couch. "I am."

"Great."

"My only concern is Luke," he said. "You know that, don't you?"

"Yes. It's mine too."

He smiled, his crystal white teeth sparkled under the soft glow of the lamps. "Are you sure you have time for him? He told me that he spent quite some time in your workplace. Do you really think that environment is appropriate for a teenager?"

Taken aback, Maura scrunched up her nose, her eyebrows tightened together. "He enjoyed it."

"It was a novelty."

"I suppose."

"He jumps around from phase to phase; he doesn't settle on anything for long."

"That wasn't the impression I got."

"You don't know him as well as I do."

" _No_. I don't."

"Are you absolutely sure you can do this? I mean, you're not even in a stable relationship."

"Neither are you."

"I don't need to be. Luke and I have been a team for as long as he could walk."

"My relationship is very stable."

"But it's new. There's no guarantees that it will last. You said yourself that your girlfriend has problems committing."

"I didn't say that."

He sat back against his feet. "Maura, you saw him tonight. You saw how angry he got. I'm not saying this to hurt you. You know it yourself, deep down. Coming back into his life has provoked a strong response. His anger is a direct reaction to that. What if he meets your girlfriend and likes her? Loves her, even. What effect will that have if you two break up?"

"We're not going to break up."

"You don't know that. You've not exactly got a lot of free time. There's only so much to go around. You're the Chief Medical Examiner for Massachusetts, for crying out loud. Can you honestly say you have time to commit to your relationship, _and_ your son?"

"I," Maura paused, the thoughts ticked over in her mind. She had considered it. She'd thought about it frequently since the possibility of Luke staying in her life had surfaced. "I'll find time. I'll _make_ time."

"But you don't have time," Greg said. "You've been here for one day and you've already had several phone calls about your work."

"I'll manage."

"Being a parent isn't about managing," he said, wrapping his hands around Maura's. Leaning forward, he placed his lips against her cheek. "I care about you, that's why I'm saying this now. Be realistic about what you can offer him. I don't want you to get into a situation where you can't cope again."

"I'm okay now, I'm better. I've been coping for years."

"You're a doctor, Maura, you know there's no guarantee that that means anything. One thing, one moment, it could break you. You've been well without Luke. What if the pressure of juggling it all gets too much?"

"I," Shaking her head, Maura stood up. Her head ached from the thoughts rushing through it. She stood in front of him, his words repeating themselves over and over. "I need to go to bed."

"Okay. Will you at least think about what I've said? This isn't just about Luke, it's about you, too."

"Of course. Goodnight, Gregory."


	15. Chapter 15

**Author Note** **: Another day, another chapter. Not sure I'm back in the swing of things completely, but I'm certainly making more progress/feeling more motivated than I was before. I have two other stories in my head right now, which doesn't help (both angsty, but hopefully both still something you'll all enjoy reading). That doesn't include Lullaby, which needs finishing, but I have to re-read it all, because that's a lot of story I've gotta remember before I can update it. Anyway, onwards with the next chapter of Slide...**

* * *

 _The baby cried out across the room, pulling Maura from a fitful sleep. She rolled onto her front and squeezed her eyes tightly shut, before realising that the sound would not disappear. The baby was hers, and he would only stop if she tended to his needs. She walked across the room and peered into the crib._

 _"It's okay, Lucas," she cooed, reaching down and cupping the face of her teenaged son. "Don't cry. Mommy's here."_

 _He wailed and wriggled around, his face stained with tears, his cheeks bright red. She wrapped her hands around the back of his head and pulled him out. A wave of emotion flooded her, leaving her drowning in doubt, in sorrow. How would she ever do this?_

 _"It's going to be okay," she whispered, though she knew the words were more to herself than to her son._

 _"I'll take him," Greg said, holding his arms out. "Let me try."_

 _She handed him over, still flailing as he cried, and stepped back. Her heart ached. He needed her. He needed his mother. Greg turned away and the sound of the boy's cries disappeared. He carried him out of the room._

 _The door closed behind them. Maura stepped forward, she needed to go back to him. She needed to help. But no matter how many steps forward she took, she could never get close enough to the door._

 _She crouched down, tears streaming down her cheeks, and closed her eyes. When she opened them again, the room had changed. The crib vanished, in place was a single bed with superhero sheets._

 _"Luke?" she said, standing up. He lay under his covers, tears covered his face._

 _She walked closer and sat beside him. She reached for his face but he pushed her hands away._

 _"I'm here, it's going to be okay."_

 _"No, it's not," he shouted, throwing the bedsheets aside. "It's never going to be okay."_

 _"I'm not going to leave you this time."_

 _"Why?"_

 _She frowned. "What do you mean why? I love you. You're my son. I'm going to fight for you."_

 _"I don't want you to."_

 _"I thought," she tried to breath but every time she breathed in, her lungs stopped working and she choked on her own breath. "I don't want to miss out on your growing up."_

 _"I don't need you anymore. I'm grown."_

 _"But, you said," she whispered, her voice drifting off into the silence. She reached out, but he shuffled back across the bed._

 _"Don't touch me. I don't need you. You've made it all worse. Coming back was the worst thing you could have done."_

 _"Why are you getting so angry at me?"_

 _"I was better off without you."_

 _"No, Luke."_

 _She closed her eyes, pushing teardrops down her cheeks until salty tears landed on her lips. She rested her head down against his pillow, curling up into a ball. Her shoulder's shook._

 _"No, Luke," she whispered, her words laced with tears as she repeated them over and over._

When she opened her eyes again, her chest ached as her breathing became laboured. The bedroom was dark. She rolled onto her side and stared out across the guest bedroom. Luke lay beside her, on the other side of the bed. She went to bed alone; she couldn't even remember him joining her in the night.

She tried to smile, but all she could think about was everything Greg had said the night before. Every second of the dream. Every difficult memory that came to mind of his early childhood.

"Mom?"

Looking across at Luke, he stared back at her with his eyes wide open, and a grin spread across his face. She forged a smile, wiping at her tears, as she greeted her son.

x

The pancake slid off the pan and onto a plate, on top of two others. Maura returned the pan to the ring and poured in some more mixture. Whilst it cooked, she pushed the plate across the counter to Luke.

"Birthday pancakes."

He smiled, his eyebrows tugged together briefly, then he looked up at her, his grin three times bigger. "You made me birthday pancakes before."

She lowered her gaze and returned to the pan. "I did."

"Was it for my birthday or for something else?"

"It was for your half birthday," she said, flipping the pancake.

"My half birthday?"

"It was something we did." She turned around, a smile plastered across her face. "You were young, there were a lot of milestones to celebrate. People talk about the different months of development. You didn't fit into your twelve to eighteen month outfits anymore; you were a little big for your age."

He frowned. "So, you made me pancakes?"

"I did." She turned back to the ring and placed the pancake onto another plate and handed Luke the maple syrup. "It was just the two of us. Your father was away for work, and I was bored. As much as I loved spending every day with you, it can be tiring and lonely being at home with a toddler. You didn't say much."

Laughing, Luke shrugged. "Sorry."

"It's not your fault, you were learning," she said, turning off the ring and sitting down beside him. "It's one of the things they don't talk about when they talk about parenting. It can be the best time, but it can also be quite lonely."

"Didn't you meet other parents? Like when we went to the park, or anything?"

"No." She poured syrup onto her pancake and cut some off with her fork. "I didn't take you to the park much."

"Why not?"

"There were parts of being a parent that I found especially difficult."

"Like going to the park?"

She swallowed a mouthful. "Like talking to the other parents."

"Oh, right," he said, sticking a forkful into his mouth. He chewed and swallowed as Maura sat in silence. "What was it like when I was born?"

"What was what like?"

"Having me."

"Childbirth?"

"No." He scrunched up his nose. "What was it like having a baby to look after?"

She swallowed the last piece of her pancake and carried the plate across to the sink. She ran the tap and waited for it to heat up. She tried to find the words to explain, without saying the wrong thing, but eventually the silence drifted on for far too long.

"Was I a bad baby?"

" _No_ ," Maura said, turning around. She shook her head vehemently until Luke's eyes softened. "You were a wonderful baby. But you had bad reflux for a while, so you cried a lot."

"Why did I have that?"

"I don't know. Some babies just do."

"Was it hard having a crying baby?"

Maura picked up the pan and ran it under the tap, she closed her eyes and listened to the gush of water smash down against the cast iron. "I don't think we should be discussing this."

"Why not?" He sighed. Maura turned off the tap to face him. "Is that why you left?"

"Because you cried? No. Never. You know it was more complicated than that."

"I know."

Leaning forward, Maura reached for Luke's hand. "Some people find parenting harder than others. I struggled."

"I don't remember."

"No, you wouldn't, you were too small." She lowered her head and sighed. "I have to tell you something."

"What?"

"I can't stay until lunchtime."

He sat up straight, his eyes wide. "Why not?"

"The case, at work, they need me to go back and do an autopsy."

"I thought it could wait."

"It can't," she said, fighting back the desire to cry. "I need to update the mayor by the end of the day. If I don't leave this morning, then I won't have time to conduct the autopsy before he leaves the office."

"We were supposed to go to the book store, you were going to buy me your favourite book."

She ran a hand across the side of his head and cupped his cheek. "I'll send it to you, with your gift, when it arrives."

"Promise?"

"I do."

"Something smells good," Greg said, entering the room with a newspaper in hand. "Any for me?"

"There's a pile of pancakes over there," Maura said. "Would you like me to heat them up?"

"No," Greg said. "I can do it."

"You can't leave," Luke said.

Greg placed his newspaper on the counter and walked over to the spare pancakes. "Who's leaving?"

"Mom, she has to go back to work."

"Work? Already?" Greg frowned, catching Maura's eyes as he stared at her. "I thought you were staying all morning."

"There's been a change of plan. You and Luke can continue your original plans for the day."

"When do you leave?" Greg asked.

"As soon as Luke's finished opening the pile of presents I saw in the lounge."

x

The doorway felt like a barrier between the world she wanted, and the world she had to live in. Maura stood halfway between, toeing each side of the line like she wasn't sure where her heart lay. Leaving Luke, again, was going to be difficult. But her whole life was back in Boston, and she really did have an autopsy that needed finishing.

"Please don't go," Luke said, clutching at her arms. Maura pulled him into her arms and hugged him for a few minutes. She kissed the side of his head and stepped back. "Dad, make her stay."

"I can't," he said, squeezing his shoulder. "But you'll see her again soon."

Her heart swelled in her chest, aching with every pump of blood around her body. She clutched her chest. The strain of the situation made it worse.

"Can't I go with her?"

She closed her eyes, breathing in slowly, until she could muster up what little bit of stability she had left.

"We've talked about this, Luke," Greg said. "You're staying here with me until we can decide whether you stay at Fairmont or come with me to China."

"I want to stay here; I don't want to go to China."

"Okay, we can talk about it again later. Walk your mother to her car and say goodbye."

Maura stepped out onto the front steps, Luke followed her to the car. They stood, facing each other for a moment. He was growing tall, so much so that he wasn't far off meeting her own height. Maura stared into his eyes, so familiar, and yet still so strange in many ways.

"Please don't go," he whispered, his words laced with tears. He wiped at his face.

She gripped his wrists and pulled his hands away, brushing the tears from his cheeks with her thumbs as she cupped his cheeks.

"When I held you in my arms for the very first time, it was like my whole life changed in a second. In that moment, I knew I'd never be by myself again, because I had you."

"But you didn't," he said, his shoulders shook.

"No. I didn't." She scooped him back into her arms, holding him tightly. "Whatever happens, I need you to know that I will always love you. You're my little boy, and I've missed out on so much of your life. Please know that you mean everything to me."

"Then don't go."

"I'm sorry."

Stepping away, Maura clutched Luke's fingers, holding them up to her mouth before she opened the car door and stepped inside. She started the engine and opened the window.

"Lucas," she said. He stood, staring at her like she was about to drive her car right into him. She shook her head. "Don't live your life based on how easily you can spend time with me, or your father, live it for you. If you want to go to China, go."

He shook his head. "I don't wanna."

"Because of me?"

"I…I dunno."

"If you really don't want to go, then that's okay. But don't stay for me. You're old enough to understand that the world isn't perfect. You have to live your life for you, not for anyone else. Not even your father. Okay?"

He nodded. He opened his mouth to speak but all that came out was a great gasping sob. He stepped back as Maura wound the window back up. She waved a hand as she put the car in reverse and rolled backward down the driveway. She waved again as she set off away from the house, her son nothing more than a small shape growing smaller and smaller as she drove away.

x

Maura stood over the body when Jane walked in, her fingers deep in the man's chest. She stood by the door, her arms folded, a frown housed across her face. She didn't want to believe Frankie when he said he'd seen Maura arriving, but the evidence was right in front of her.

"You are back then."

Maura glanced at Jane, then returned her attention to the lungs she was in the middle of removing. "Yes. I'm back."

"Why didn't you call?" Jane asked, stepping forward. "Or visit. I've been upstairs all day."

"The autopsy needed completing."

"You said yourself, it wasn't urgent."

Lifting the lungs into a metal tray, Maura turned around. Her long gloves were covered in various different bodily fluids. "What do you want, Jane? I'm busy."

Staring at her harder, Jane narrowed her eyes. "I want to know why you look sad, for a start."

"I don't look sad."

"That crease," she said, pointing to her face. "The one between your eyes, that's sadness. What happened? Didn't you enjoy yourself?"

"I did." Maura sighed. "Very much."

Gritting her teeth, Jane's eyes tightened. "What did Greg do?"

"Nothing." She tugged off the gloves and disposed of them in the hazardous waste bin. "We talked. He is open to me seeing Luke again."

"Then why aren't you jumping for joy?"

"I don't know if it's a good idea."

"What?" Jane closed the gap further. Everything Maura had wanted since Luke showed up was happening. There was anything but glee in her eyes. "Why not?"

" _Luke_." Closing her eyes, Maura leaned against the spare autopsy table beside her, her elbows rested on the metal, her head hung low. "He got so angry."

"He does have a dick for a dad," Jane said.

Maura stood upright, shaking her head. "No. This isn't about Gregory. It's about Luke. It's my fault. He's unsettled."

"How do you know that's your fault?"

"It doesn't take a genius to know that it's unsettling for him."

The distance between them felt vast, like the intimacy they shared was a distant memory, a misnomer. She didn't want to blame it on their problems. There was a good chance it was merely because of Maura, and how she was feeling. But she couldn't help but feel the tug of guilt, of disappointment.

"So, what now?" she asked.

With barely a crack in her voice, Maura stood upright, her eyes fixed on Jane's. "Maybe I need to step back."

"Step back?" Jane's mouth dropped open. She stared at Maura, unable to decipher the feelings spread across her face.

"There's no point in doing this if it's only going to make things worse."

"In doing what?"

"Fighting for custody." Jane's heart sunk. "He's unsettled enough without me putting him through that."

She closed her mouth and stepped forward, grasping at Maura's arm, staring into her stoic eyes. "Where the fuck is this coming from? Did Greg say something to you? I'll fucking kill him."

"No. _Jane_." She moved away, her head bowed. As if they weren't talking about something so serious, she returned to the chest cavity of the man on the table. "We just talked. He was keen for Luke and I to spend some time together. It's me, I've realised that I need to do what's best for Luke. Even if that means letting him go."

" _No_. You can't do this," Jane said, walking round the table until she could see Maura's eyes.

She glanced up, the sadness in her eyes had long since gone. "It's already done."

" _What_?"

"I spoke to my lawyer on the drive back. He's no longer going to help me fight for custody."

"What? Maura!" Her chest heaved. She waved her arms out at her sides, helpless.

"Don't, Jane," Maura said, slipping on another pair of gloves. "Don't try to change my mind."

"You could have at least discussed it with me."

"Why? He's my child."

She stumbled back. The lump in her throat felt like a weight in her mouth, thick and painful. She breathed in slowly, trying to reform a sense of calm before she spoke. "So our relationship doesn't matter?"

"That's not what I said." Maura stared at her like she'd announced she was going to join the FBI, or the circus. "Please, Jane. This is hard enough as it is."

"Is it?"

"Of course it is."

"Then why are you so calm?"

"I've made my decision."

Gritting her teeth, Jane folded her arms and stood back. "Does Luke know?"

"Not yet."

"Are you gonna tell him?"

"I think it would be best coming from Gregory," Maura said. "He needs stability."

"He needs _his mother_ ," Jane shouted, her emotions getting the better of her.

"Why?"

"Why do you think?" Jane asked, gobsmacked. "He came to _you_ , Maura. He loves _you_."

Her tone softened. "And I love him."

"Then don't do this," Jane said, reaching a hand out to Maura's arm. She pulled it back and dropped it by her side.

"It's for Luke's sake. If I love him, then I'll do what's best for him, even if it's hard."

" _Bullshit_!"

Maura frowned. "You can't honestly tell me I can give him everything he needs."

" _Yes_ , _you can_."

She shook her head and lowered her gaze. "We get called out on cases in the middle of the night."

"He's _fifteen_. He can get himself out of bed and to school in the morning."

"Jane. _Don't_. The decision has been made." The finality in her voice only forced a battle of wills with Jane's own feelings. She closed her eyes. "It's done."

"But…" Jane said, breathing deeply.

"Jane." The stoicism receded and a hint of emotion seeped into Maura's voice. Jane's heart broke as she spoke. " _Please_ let me get on with my work."

"Fine." She marched toward the doorway, her fist clenched at her side. "Okay."

* * *

 **Author Note : You're probably all really annoyed, or something, by now. But please, have faith that I'll take this in the right direction. It just takes time. Rome wasn't built in a day, and a story can't always be wrapped up quickly.**


	16. Chapter 16

**Author Note** **: This chapter! ARGH! It's taken me about four or five edits. This is my third full chapter, as in I started it, scrapped it and pulled it apart, started it again and copy/pasted some bits, scrapped it, pulled it apart. I'm so sick of looking at this chapter, and trying to make it perfect. It's done. I'm done with it. It might suck, but at least now I can move on with the rest of the chapter.**

 **I've had a bit of a busy week, which is the other reason this chapter has taken so long. I went for a job interview, and they said they'd let me know by the end of the week (which I took to mean Friday) and I haven't heard anything. I don't know whether to assume I didn't get it, or what. But I don't have the money to not be getting a job right now.**

 **So I'm done. This chapter is done. I'm sick of caring if this chapter is good enough anymore. Onwards to the next one... (except I'm working for the next two days, so naturally I'm going to be busy and not be able to write)**

* * *

Jane opened her apartment door, then stepped back. She abandoned it in favour of returning to the bottle of beer she had sitting on the table, and the football game playing on the television. She slouched onto the couch and crossed her legs on the glass top table.

"What do you want, Maura?" she asked, barely glancing back as Maura crossed the threshold into the apartment.

"You left abruptly, when I went to find you, Korsak said you'd gone home."

She shrugged. "Yeah."

"I need to talk to you."

"What about?"

"Eric Friedan had the same glass in his lungs as Albert Smithson."

"That's what you came here to talk to me about?" Jane asked. She picked up her beer and ran a finger around the rim of the bottle, sipping it, before returning to the soothing action. "That's all you wanted to say?"

"Yes. That's all I wanted to say."

"Oh."

Maura's voice cracked. "No. I don't know."

"You don't know?" She returned her beer to the table.

"No. I'm sorry," Maura said, walking around the couch and perching next to Jane. "We didn't leave things in a good place."

"Surprised you even noticed," Jane said, sipping her beer.

"Why wouldn't I have noticed?"

"You seem to have some sort of blinkers on."

"What do you mean?"

She turned off the television and turned to Maura. "It doesn't matter what I do, I'm never going to be what you want."

"Excuse me?" Maura stared at her, her mouth open.

"I don't know what you want from me anymore. You want to be together, but you don't want me to be part of the decisions you have to make about life."

"They're not your decisions to make," Maura said, she reached for Jane's hand.

Jane stared at their fingers, tangled up, then pulled her hand back. "Then why are we claiming to be in a relationship if you think so little of my opinion?"

"I don't!" Maura frowned, leaning forward. "Where is this coming from?"

"Doesn't matter," Jane said, turning the television back on. "Forget I said anything."

"I can't forget."

"Then pretend I don't matter, just like you always do."

" _Jane_!"

"You've made your feelings clear," Jane said, her attention focused on the game. "I'll see you at work."

A moment later, the door clicked shut and Jane let out the breath she'd been holding longer than was safe. The weight on her shoulders shift a little. It felt heavier, more cumbersome. Breathing slowly, methodically, she refocused her attention on the game, anything to distract herself from the woes of the world.

x

"Got it!" Frankie shouted, thrusting a piece of paper in front of Jane.

She leaned back and picked up the paper. "Got what?"

"Eric Friedan's financial record," he said, pointing at a couple of highlighted sections. "Nina's been working on it all morning and we've finally got it."

Jane sighed. She'd barely slept all night and her patience was wearing thin. "What am I looking at, Francesco?"

"Whoa," he said, stepping back. "What's with using my proper name?"

"Hurry up and answer my question before I hit you in the ba…"

"No violence in the bullpen," Korsak said, cutting her short. He approached her desk.

She glared at Frankie until he responded. "Friedan had several transactions made to him prior to Smithson's death. Once a week, going back a few months."

"Any idea who's been sending him money?" Korsak asked.

"That's what Nina was working on," he said. "The money was transferred through a company called AS Holdings, that same company owns the business where Albert Smithson worked."

"AS Holdings?" Jane frowned and reached for the case file, she shifted papers from the file to her desk, skimming every page. "I recognise that name. Here!"

She pushed a document across the desk. Korsak picked it up and read through it, before handing it over to Frankie.

"I figured it was probably a dormant company when we found out Albert was working at the factory, now I'm not so sure. Albert Smithson is the registered owner." Jane closed the file. "Frankie, get Nina to find out everything she can on AS Holdings."

"Already done," Nina said, entering the room. She handed an iPad to Jane. "AS Holdings has only been running for a few months. The factory was the first major transaction."

"Fully funded by Smithson?"

"Yes. AS Holdings is the sole owner. Eric Friedman is on the employee list."

"This doesn't make any sense," Jane said, scanning the iPad document again. "Smithson was paying Friedan money through his company, despite already paying him a salary for working at the factory. Albert Smithson has no connection to Eric Friedan and has no reason to be the owner of a glass factory."

"That's where's things are less certain," Nina said. "I cannot trace the connection between Albert and Eric. But what I have found is a connection between Sarah and the company."

"Sure," Frankie said, sitting back. "Brother finds out the girl he's met is his sister, and that she has a child. Knows his dad isn't gonna do a thing to help them, even though they live in the worst apartment building in Boston. So he wants to help her out."

"As well as transactions to Friedsan, AS Holdings paid out thousands of dollars to Sarah. The only problem is, I can't find out what the money is for."

Pulling up a chair, Korsak sat beside Jane. "What do you mean?"

"Sarah is still living in that apartment, despite the fact she's had nearly forty thousand dollars put into her bank account. What is the money going and why isn't she using it for somewhere better to live?"

"Let's ask her," Jane said, standing up.

x

Maura opened the pint of ice cream as she sat down in front of the television. She sipped on a glass of wine, her heart felt heavy. So heavy. When she thought about her life, which was growing harder to avoid after she'd poured her third drink after dinner, she couldn't help but feel an overwhelming sense of regret.

In her experience, dwelling on the past was counterproductive, but it was still difficult to avoid the doubt that crept into her mind.

What if things had been different?

If she'd gone into emergency medicine, would her life had fallen apart earlier? If it had fallen apart earlier, would she have attempted to become a medical examiner? And if she wasn't a medical examiner, would she have returned to Boston? If she didn't return to Boston, would she have ever rebuilt her life?

Or met Jane.

There was no doubt in her mind, even with a fourth glass of wine and half a pint of ice cream in her system, that meeting Jane was the best thing that ever happened to her. In some ways she expected it was even better than having Luke, but only because of the route her life had taken.

She felt guilty for even considering someone more important than her son. But she knew that without Jane, she wouldn't have felt able to rebuilt her life. Without Jane, well, she couldn't predict how low she might have got.

And yet she'd ruined it.

Once again her life was falling apart and she didn't quite know how she was going to pull it back together again.

Sometimes she longed for her best friend. Forming a relationship complicated things exponentially.

Reaching for her phone, Maura stared at the lock screen photo of Jane, her arm draped around Luke's neck. For the briefest time, they'd been a family.

Why had she never told Luke just what Jane meant to her? Why had she never told Jane? She swiped at her cheek. Stray tears caught on her fingers. She unlocked the phone, her finger poised over the call button.

Her head was fuzzy. She knew she was too far gone to really make much sense, but she pressed the button, then selected Jane's name from the list, anyway. She listened to the incessant ringing, until Jane's voice clicked on the other end.

"I can't take your call right now, please leave a message."

It beeped.

"Do you know what you mean to me, Jane? Well, I'll tell you…you mean a lot. Greater than a lot. If you multiple a lot by Jane, that's how much you mean to me. I just wanted to tell you that."

She pressed the end call button. Her face grew pale. What had she done? She groaned and lowered her head into her hands. After a momentary pause, she dialled Jane's number again. It rang a couple of times, then Jane's voice piped up.

"Hi, Maura."

She panicked and pressed the end call button. Another wave of regret overwhelmed her. Before she could begin to think of how to respond, her phone lit up. Jane smiled ridiculously across the screen.

"Hello," she said, answering after a couple more rings.

"Why did you ring and hang up?"

"Did I?" she asked, forcing herself to speak clearly, despite the increased fuzziness in her brain. "Must have been an accident."

"Right." Jane sighed. "We spoke to Sarah tonight; Eric Friedan is her son's father. Albert's been giving her money, which she's saving up ready to flee the country to get away from her ex. I thought you might wanna know."

"I…" Maura began. The tone in Jane's voice was sadder than she'd expected. "Thank you, Detective."

"Detective?" Silence descended between them. Eventually Jane spoke again. "I'll see you around."

The moment the call ended, Maura wished she'd spoken, said something more. Done something to stop their call from ending on such a low note. She was helpless, too inebriated to think straight; a slave to her own stupidity.

x

"Did you know she was being abused?" Jane asked, the second she'd walked in the mayor's office. Korsak reached for her arm, but she shrugged it off and marched forward. "Did you?"

"I don't know what you're talking about, Detective," he said. "Who was being abused?"

"I'm sorry about this, Mayor Smithson," Korsak said, wrapping his hand around Jane's wrist.

"Let go," she muttered. She unhooked herself and leaned against the desk. "Who do you think?"

Mayor Smithson stood up, his eyes squared with Jane's. "There are several women in my life, Detective, but since it's you asking, I take it you mean my illegitimate daughter."

"Her name," Jane said, through gritted teeth. "Is Sarah. Do you even know that bit of information or don't you care about that fact? You probably don't care about your grandson, either."

He narrowed his eyes and walked around the desk, stopping when he reached Jane. He stood a little taller, stared deep into her eyes. "You know nothing about my relationship with Sarah, Detective, now if you don't mind, I have a meeting to get to."

"No!" She reached out to his arm, gripping his bicep before Korsak pulled her away. "You can run away, Mayor, but you can't hide from the truth. You want respect? Start giving it to the people you claim deserve it. Family man? You're nothing but a liar!"

"This conversation is over," Korsak shouted, tugging at her arms until she stumbled backward towards the exit.

Out in the corridor, Jane marched onward until they were outside and heading back toward the car. Korsak spoke but she didn't hear him over the sound of her beating heart. When she reached the car, she slammed her balled fist down on the hood and screamed.

"Better?" Korsak asked, staring at her.

"No," she said, running a hand through the back of her hair.

"What is going on with you, Jane?" he asked. "You've been up and down like a yo yo for weeks, and now you're behaving like a spoiled child in front of the mayor. He has power, Jane. He knows the right people who could take your badge. Do you want that?"

She leaned against the hood, breathing deeply. " _No_."

"Well?"

"Nothing. There's nothing."

"It's not nothing. Talk to me."

"I don't know what to say."

"Has something happened with Maura?"

She stood up again and grasped at her hair, pacing back and forth. "Aside from her having a teenage kid I knew nothing about then letting me pretty much end our relationship without even fighting me on it."

"You two'll sort it out."

"How do you know?"

"You're not about to let a good thing go," he said, squeezing her shoulder.

"No?" Jane scoffed. "Look at Casey, look at Agent Dean. I give up good things. It's what I do."

"Not like this."

"You can't go shouting your mouth off with the Mayor, it doesn't matter what sort of crappy day you've been having."

"I know."

"I'm gonna go back to the station, I'll see you there tomorrow."

"No, Korsak," Jane said. He climbed into the driver's seat. "I need to work."

"You need to sort your shit out before you get us both in trouble," he said, starting the engine. "You're walking. It'll do you good to have some time to think."

"Seriously?" She held her arms up at her side and stared at him. She expected him to open the passenger door and invite her back into the car. When he reversed out of the parking spot, her shoulders sunk. She chased after the car for a moment, her heart raced against her rib cage. "Fine! Fuck you too!"

x

Jane stood on the doorstep, soaked to the bone, the wind battering the house and Jane's body with every gush. Maura hesitated. She couldn't leave her out there all night, least not because they predicted the weather would get even worse by the early hours. Eventually she stepped aside, barely a word between them, and Jane entered the house.

"What are you doing here?" she asked.

"Figured I should come see you," Jane muttered, shrugging.

"Look at you." Maura walked into the living room and took a blanket from the back of the chair. She wrapped it around Jane's shoulders. "Get out of your wet things."

"Nah, I'm good."

Frowning, Maura glared. "You are not good, Jane. If you stay like that you'll end up with hyperthermia and no matter how tense our relationship is, I will never forgive myself if I allow that to happen."

Jane followed her direction. Her clothes pooled on the floor, the blanket abandoned beside it until she was down to her underwear. She stared at Maura, and though she'd seen it all before, Maura turned away. Once she'd turned back, Jane's underwear was on top of the pile and she was wrapped in the blanket.

"I'll put these in the dryer."

Back in the living room, Jane sat down on the couch. Maura boiled the kettle and handed her a mug of hot coffee, curling up beside her with her own. She pinched the bridge of her nose, warding off the tears that threatened to fall with every additional thought that flowed.

An uncomfortable silence had descended. Maura hated the feel of that moment. Even before they got together, silences between them were not awkward.

"You matter," Maura said.

Jane gritted her teeth. She glanced at Maura, then glanced away again.

"Jane, please."

She shook her head.

" _Please_ ," Maura whispered, and with the lightest touch, covered her hand. " _You_ came to _me_. That must mean you want to do this. You want to talk."

Turning to face her, Jane cheeks glistened with tears. She swiped her palm across her face. Her voice broke under the stain. "All you've done for months is push me away, Maura."

"That's not true."

"Yes. It is. Why can't you see that I'm trying to help you?"

"It's not," Maura began, then drifted off. She moved her shaking hand across her face. "I'm trying to keep my head above water."

"Then let me in," Jane whispered. "You're not alone. You don't have to do any of this alone. Stop acting like you do."

She lowered her gaze. "You don't understand."

"Damn right, I don't understand," Jane shouted. She abandoned her coffee on the table and stood up, her arms flailing at her sides. Her confidence crept back up over her emotions. "We're supposed to be a team. You're supposed to need me as much as I need you."

"I _do_ need you." Maura stood opposite her. "I need you to help me get through this."

" _Why_?"

"Pardon?"

"Why do you need me to help you get through this?" Jane asked. "You haven't asked for my help; you haven't needed my help. You've gone ahead and made decisions about Luke without even considering how I feel. Even today, I'm the one who had to come to you."

"I was giving you time. Luke is _my_ son, they're my decisions to make."

"And _I_ love him like he's mine."

"You do?" Maura's eyes grew wide, her eyebrows tugged together.

Jane shook her head, her eyes fixed on a spot on the carpet. "I know he wasn't here for long, but those few weeks were amazing, Maura. I didn't, I didn't realise what it would be like to be a mother. I know he's not mine, but for a moment I wondered what it would be like if he was."

" _Oh_."

"One second you want to fight to see your son," Jane said, gripping a handful of the blanket. Her fists grew white. "The next, you're ready to give up. I don't want you to give up."

"I'm trying to do what's best for Luke."

"You either want him in your life, or you don't."

"Of course I want him in my life."

"Then _fight_ for him!"

"It's better for him that I don't."

"Why?"

"Because I've seen the effect this is having on him."

"What exactly happened?"

"He got angry, _really_ angry, and threw Gregory's phone across the kitchen. I asked Gregory about it and he said he's never seen him behave that way."

"He threw Greg's phone?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

Sighing, Maura wrapped her arms tightly across her front. "What exactly are you trying to get at, Jane?"

"Why was Luke so angry?"

"Because he's unsettled."

"How do you know?"

"He's not acted like this before, the common denominator is me."

"Says who?"

"Gregory. We talked and I realised that he was right, being there was causing more problems than it was solving."

"And you don't have a problem with that?"

"No."

" _Fine_." She marched towards the exit, then turned back. "You know what, maybe Luke _is_ better off without you. He needs someone strong, someone who's willing to fight for him. He needs a mother he can trust, not a woman who says one thing and does something else entirely. Maybe you're right, give up now, Luke will be better off without you in his life."

" _Excuse me_?"

"What?" Jane asked. "Isn't that what you think? Isn't that what you believe? Who am I to step in your way?"

"I…"

"You tell me you're only making it worse, that you're giving up, for Luke."

"Yes."

"That is exactly what I repeated back to you, exactly what you said to me."

"I…" Maura shook her head. "Why are you being so cruel?"

Jane closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. "You're still not getting it."

"Getting what, Jane?"

"It doesn't matter," she shouted. "None of it matters anymore, Maura. I've tried. I've been fighting for so long. I'm sick and tired of fighting you."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying…" she shrugged and pulled the door open. "I'm saying I'm going home."

"But there's a storm coming," Maura said. "And you don't have any clothes on."

"I don't care."

"At least wait and let me call you a cab."

"No." Jane dropped the blanket on the floor and took one of Maura's rain jackets off the hanger by the door. She wrapped it around her body and buckled it up. "Call me when you're ready to listen to me, or something."

* * *

 **Author Note : At least in the previous two versions of this chapter, Jane wasn't naked...so there is that bonus to this one?!**


	17. Chapter 17

**Author Note** **: This chapter felt like such a struggle, and I don't even know why. I don't think it was the chapter. I just haven't felt very motivated to write lately. Life has its ups and downs and there's some big changes going on in my life, though slow, so it's harder to get on and deal with. I hope the winter doesn't feel too long, because I think the cold days and dark nights does affect me more than I'd like it to. I'm going to keep trying, because I want to finish this story, and I have other stories to write.**

* * *

The world felt different, like one moment had rocked it to its very core and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't return it to its previous state. Maura stood in the living room for quite some time, long after Jane left the house. She tried to think, to form thoughts, but nothing came to mind. All she felt was difference.

x

Jane's shoulders shook. The long jacket was sodden when she pulled it from her naked body like a layer of skin after a bad sunburn. The apartment didn't help, it lacked the heat she so desired and despite trying to warm it up, she still felt cold. Crawling under the bed sheets, she pulled a blanket around her shaking shoulders until her body temperature raised and she felt able to sleep.

Except that sleep evaded her.

Despite fighting for so long in their relationship, Jane wondered if she'd lost the battle. If she'd surrendered. When she thought of returning to Maura's, to fight again, she felt exhausted.

Maybe she was done. Maybe it was time to give up the fight and let Maura guide the way.

She closed her eyes and battled with the thoughts coursing through her brain like blood through her body. She didn't anticipate much sleep.

Even less so when it reached one in the morning.

x

At three, Maura banged on Jane's apartment door. She stared at the metal framework around the eyepiece, until it was replaced with Jane herself, staring bleary eyed at her. The second she saw who it was, Jane's eyes opened wider.

"What happened? Is Luke okay?"

"As far as I know, he's fine," Maura said.

Rubbing her eyes, Jane frowned. "It's the middle of the night."

Pushing past Jane, Maura walked into the apartment and turned around until Jane had closed the door. Once her full attention had been shifted back to her, Maura's resolve crumbled. She wiped at her cheeks.

"If I say it out loud, it makes it real," she said, fighting against the tears disrupting her words. "If I admit what happened, then I can't take it back."

"Admit what?"

"I don't know how to deal with the things I've put away. I don't know if I can handle the feelings that come with them."

Jane didn't respond again. She stood, silently watching her, waiting. Maura pursed her lips and stared back. She wanted her to say the words for her, she wanted her to fight for the truth like she'd already done so many times before.

For the first time, Jane said nothing.

"If I admit that he tore me apart from the inside, that he destroyed me until I was left with nothing." She closed her eyes, her whole body trembled, her teeth chattered. She swallowed the lump in her throat, but it still ached like it was there. "That hearing you talk to me like that broke me apart because I didn't think you, of all people, would ever say something like that to me."

"I didn't," Jane whispered, but Maura cut her off.

"I don't want to have to tell Lucas that his father." She paused, choking back the tears. "That his father is the reason I couldn't be a mother. That he's still the reason I don't think I'll ever be good enough for him."

Jane walked toward her. "You _are_."

"No." Holding her hand up, she stepped back, distancing herself from Jane slightly. "It took me…years…to understand, to learn that I didn't have to be afraid of the world. It took too much of me to even attempt to rebuild what I had. I've never put anything in a box and hidden it away, not since then, not since he did what he did."

Covering her eyes, Maura shook her head. Her heart ached, her stomach flipped about. Every word felt like a swallowed knife against her throat.

"When you left it was like everything had changed, but I couldn't piece it together. I got into bed and I couldn't, I can't…Jane, you are the reason I'm still standing. You try to make me believe in myself even when I can't find any semblance of self-belief. But tonight, tonight you knocked me down."

"I didn't mean it," Jane said, her voice broke under the strain.

"No?" She rubbed at her eyes, teardrops covered her palms.

"Of course I didn't."

She stepped forward, closing the gap. Maura crumbled into her arms. "I didn't want to believe you'd ever mean something like that."

Kissing the side of her head, Jane held her close. "I love you. I was just trying to make you see, trying to get you to talk to me. I didn't know what else to do."

"I didn't know how to face it; it was always part of myself I kept hidden."

"You're not alone now, Maura, you don't need to do this yourself."

"No." She breathed in slowly, broken sobs escaped with the shattered outward breath. "But now it's real, and I can't take it back."

"All I wanted was for you to be honest," Jane said, cradling her in her arms.

"I know," Maura whispered, clinging to her, desperate to feel her as close as possible. She rested her head against Jane's shoulder and tried to reclaim her fragile breath. "I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have you. Please forgive me."

Holding her out at arm's length, Jane cupped her cheeks and stared into her eyes. Maura's face crumbled. The serious expression in her eyes was too much. She longed for the comforting embrace Jane had offered moments before.

"Don't push me away again. I can't keep doing this, if you won't be honest. You're not the same person you were when you came back to Boston." She brushed tendrils of hair back from Maura's eyes. "You've got me. Whatever happens with Luke, I'm here, you just have to let me in."

She forced the fixed gaze, holding Jane's eyes steady, desperate to feel the love she could see in them. She tugged her bottom lip into her mouth with her teeth and leaned forward, brushing her lips lightly against Jane's.

Jane lowered her head, her forehead stopped against Maura's and the kiss broken apart. "We shouldn't."

"No," Maura said, trailing her fingertips across Jane's cheek. "I love you, I want to fix this. I want you to help me make this better."

Reaching for her fingers and tugging them as she stepped back, Jane grinned. "That's all I want."

x

Korsak thrust a large bunch of flowers into Jane's arms the second she entered the bullpen. She frowned and dropped them on her desk, searching for the card that came with them. The only person who could possibly be sending her an expensive bunch of flowers was the one person who knew such an outward portrayal of romance was not her favourite thing.

"They're from Maura," Korsak said, swooning.

Jane narrowed her eyes. He was right. 'Love Maura' the card read. She punched him playfully on the arm and rolled her eyes. Attached to the card was an envelope. She untucked the back and pulled out a pair of tickets and additional note.

 _'Jane, the flowers are because sometimes I want other people to know how much you mean to me. The tickets are so you know. Love Maura'_

"What you got there?" Frankie asked, snatching the tickets from her hands. She reached forward but he held them back. "Ooh, Red Sox tickets, and your favourite seats! She must love you."

"Shut it," Jane said, smacking him hard across the arm prompting him to drop the tickets. She slipped them into the inside pocket of her jacket and sat down. "We've got a case to crack, stop caring so much about my love life."

She stared down at the case file, at the lack of new information. Her shoulders dropped. She flicked through each piece, one by one, ignoring the childish glances she knew Korsak and Frankie were exchanging.

x

"We're never going to find Albert Smithson's killer," Jane said, slouching into the seat opposite Maura's desk.

"Hello, Jane," Maura said, interlinking her fingers and placing them on the desk in front of her.

"Everyone's expecting an answer and I haven't got one."

"You will."

"How do you know?"

Maura reached out and Jane gripped her hand. "You're a great detective. Maybe you have the key to the answer, maybe you just haven't quite found the lock."

"Jeez, Maur, I don't even understand what that means right now. My brain is fried."

"How about you go through what you know?" She squeezed Jane's fingers tightly. "It might help to talk it through."

"I hate the flowers," Jane said. The disappointment in Maura's eyes would have upset her. She grinned. "But thank you."

"I realised I never actually apologised to you. I need you to know how sorry I am, for everything. I could have made things so much easier by being honest."

Jane shrugged. "Let's face it, Maura, I'm hardly the person to lecture you on honesty."

"That may be so, but I'm still sorry that my lack of honesty hurt you."

"You looking forward to the game?"

"I am," Maura said. "Now would you like help with the case or not? Whilst I'd love to sit here and talk about baseball all day."

"Liar!"

Maura smirked. "Whilst I'd love to talk to you all day, there was a vehicular accident yesterday and I, unfortunately, have an autopsy to carry out on a pregnant woman. I don't have long."

"Albert Smithson met his sister and they had sex," Jane said. "Later he discovered the truth, he found out she has a son, and an abusive ex-boyfriend. So he bought the factory Eric Friedsan worked for and started working there as an employee. He paid Friedsan money to get him off Sarah's back, and Sarah money to help her out. She didn't spend the money. Albert was killed by a gunshot wound. Friedsan later broke into Sarah's home, became abusive, and her son hit him on the head. He later died."

"And you're sure Friedsan didn't kill Albert?"

"The only connection they have is as work colleagues. For all we know the money being paid to Friedsan was done anonymously through his company. Though Sarah did imply that Friedsan knew about her relationship with Albert."

Maura frowned. "Did Friedsan know he was her brother?"

"Sarah said she didn't think so." Jane let go of Maura's hand and sat back. "It's possible, but we have no evidence to prove that he had that motive. His only known motive was ex-boyfriend to new boyfriend."

"How likely is that to be a valid motive?"

"Friedsan has no priors for assault or battery, he has a couple for possession of marijuana but that's all."

"What about Sarah's son?" Maura asked.

Jane shrugged. "What about him?"

"Is Friedsan his father?"

"I…don't actually know." Jane stood up, her eyebrows tugged together in thought. "Are you implying he could be a suspect?"

Sighing, Maura shook her head. "I don't like to think that a child could be capable of murder, but it's a line of enquiry you shouldn't overlook."

x

Maura pressed her cellphone to her ear and blocked out the sound of the shower in the bathroom. She paused, waiting for the person to respond to her greeting. When nobody spoke, she tried again.

"Hello?"

Silence. She lowered the phone and checked the caller ID. Unknown. She lifted the phone back to her ear. The dialing tone sang out. She sighed and dropped the cell back onto her bed, then went for her morning shower.

As she dried off, the cellphone rang again. The caller ID showed an unknown number. Tugging her eyebrows together, Maura answered the call.

"Isles." Nothing. She listened harder, could hear the sound of wind travelling into the handset. "Hello, can I help you?"

She closed her eyes. She hated crank calls. The only people who usually called her on her cell were BPD and her friends or family. She rarely gave it out. Then again, given her high profile, she expected it wouldn't be difficult to track down her number.

The number of people she'd help convict. The number of angry people she'd help put behind bars.

"I'm going to hang up now," she said, and before she could the dialing tone rang out. She sighed again and lowered herself onto the bed, her towel slipped from her shoulders. She let it drop and proceeded to get ready.

x

The man's lungs were blackened, cilia damaged beyond repair. Maura wasn't sure how the man was standing long enough to have suffered only heart failure. She could see evidence of the early stages of lung cancer, tiny growths barely big enough to cause issue on an already damaged respiratory system. If his heart hadn't killed him, it was only a matter of time before his lungs would have.

Her cellphone rang across the examination room. She lowered the piece of lung back into the container and slipped off her gloves. She reached for her phone.

"Isles."

Silence. Maura sighed. She wasn't in the mood to start this game again.

"Hello?"

She held the phone at a distance, another unknown number. She returned it to her ear and listened intently. She could hear the faint sound of someone breathing. It sounded like they were outside, but she couldn't pinpoint the location any further. After a moment's silence at her end, the line went dead.

Maura returned her cell to the table and snapped on a fresh pair of gloves. Despite finding the cause of death of Mr Hemsworth, she still had to prepare his body for delivery to the funeral home. The Y incision was still open.

One the organs were returned to his body, Maura proceeded to stitch him back up. Another unexplained death explained. Another story to tell another bereft family that at least one member would not learn from.

Her phone rang again. Maura ignored it until she'd finished her work and the man's body had been stitched back together. The call had ended by the time she slipped off her gloves again. She washed her hands thoroughly.

As she reached for her cell, it rang again. Caller ID: Unknown. Maura sighed and lifted it to her ear.

"Isles." Nothing. "I know somebody's there, speak."

Silence. The call ended. Maura checked the call log. Her suspicion that the missed call would also be from an unknown number was confirmed.

She finished tidying up then returned to her office where she completed the paperwork on Mr Hemsworth. Over the next hour, she answered and ignored half a dozen more calls. Once the final call had ended, she dialed Jane's number.

"Can you come down to my office, please?"

It was difficult to pinpoint how unsettling the crank calls were, until Maura saw Jane's face in the doorway and she felt a sense of calm. She stood up, walked across the room, and slipped her arms around Jane's waist, pulling her in close.

"I didn't realise I was coming down for a booty call," Jane said, squeezing her tightly.

"No booty call," Maura said. "Just a hug."

"What's going on?" Jane stepped back, holding her out at arm's length. She stared into Maura's eyes and ran a couple of fingertips across her cheek. "What's wrong?"

She counted the calls in her head. "Thirteen crank calls."

"To you?"

"Yes."

"Since?"

"Since this morning. I got the first one at around seven fifteen before I took a shower. The last one came." Maura paused. The phone lit up again. She glanced from the 'unknown' ID, to Jane.

Jane snatched the phone from the desk before Maura could react. "Rizzoli."

She frowned.

"You listen to me, you little punk, you better stop calling this number or I'll put a trace on your calls. You understand?"

She hung up, and put the cell back on the desk.

"That should do it."

"It depends who's calling," Maura said.

"If it carries on we'll put a trace on your cell."

"Thank you."

Wrapping her arms back around Maura's waist, Jane held her tightly. Maura rested her head against Jane's shoulder and closed her eyes, settled by the comforting embrace of her girlfriend. She breathed in her familiar scent, ran her fingers across the normality of Jane's button-up shirt material. She felt at home.

x

Jane's laughter made Maura's heart swell. It had been nearly a week since she'd left Luke. A week since her son had turned fifteen and she'd had to say goodbye. She still didn't know what to do for the best, but Jane's laughter made it feel that little bit easier. She trailed her fingers across her bare arm, replacing them with her lips.

"What happened to celibacy?" Jane asked, resting her hands-on Maura's shoulders, but not forcing her away from her skin. She shuddered under Maura's touch.

"It's been long enough," she said, between kisses. "Sleeping naked in the same bed is one step away, you can't tell me you haven't wanted to do this."

"No," Jane whispered, slipping down under the covers and pulling Maura across her front. "I've wanted to do this so many times, but we made a rule."

Maura moved her lips across Jane's shoulders and down the centre of her chest. One kiss at a time, in between speaking. "Rules. Are. Meant. To. Be. Broken."

Jane scoffed. "Doctor Maura Isles!"

" _Sometimes_ ," she said, smirking.

Maura's cell rang on the bedside table. She froze, glanced up at Jane, who stared back at her. The calls hadn't ended, though they become less frequent. She tensed up. To say the calls hadn't unsettled her would be a lie. Jane reached out and grabbed her cell, but the call had already ended.

"It might not be another crank," Jane said, putting the phone back. "This one had a number I didn't recognise."

Lying on her back, beside her, Maura sighed. "You and I both know it probably was."

"But all of the other calls have been unknown numbers."

"Maybe they got sloppy."

"Maybe."

The doorbell rang. Maura sat up, a chill reached her bare skin and she regretted not spending the last minute wrapped up in Jane's arms. Jane skirted a hand around her waist and pulled her back down, peppering her with kisses.

"Jane," Maura said, her mind too distracted. She rolled onto her back again.

"Ignore them."

"I can't. I'm expecting a delivery."

"I'll go."

Before she could respond, Jane sprang out of bed, slipped on Maura's robe, and ran for the stairs. She pulled the bed sheets up around her front and focused on the depth of feelings coursing through her veins. A mixture of warmth, of love, at Jane being in her life, and a sense of foreboding that she couldn't quite shake.

"Maura!" Jane shouted, from the hallway. The sense of foreboding only increased as she pulled on a pair of Jane's sweat pants and a sweater.

At the bottom of the stairs, she froze. Her whole body felt like ice. Jane stared at her, as she stared at Gregory, stood in the doorway. She looked back to Jane, who frowned and reached for her hand.

"Luke's missing."


	18. Chapter 18

**Author Note : Thanks to everyone for your support, comments, etc. it's always nice to know you're with me on this. It didn't take *as long* as I was expecting to get this one done. I wrote most of it at work on Sunday but it then takes motivation to type it up and edit! But it's done, finally. I hope you enjoy.**

* * *

"I spoke to the Burlington Police Department," Jane said, wrapping an arm around Maura's shoulder. They'd both dressed quickly after Gregory arrived. Maura sank against Jane's arm, comforted by the close physical contact. "They haven't got any information, but they're going to do everything they can at their end. You'll need to give them a statement, Greg."

"Okay." He clasped his hands together on his lap and averted his gaze.

The tension in the room was unsurmountable. Maura sat forward. She didn't want it to be this way. Despite everything, she still cared about Gregory, if only because he was the father of her son. He looked tired, almost broken. "How could you let this happen?"

"Me?" He sat up, aghast.

"Yes."

The challenge rattled him, something which reminded Maura of the start of their relationship all those years ago. She hadn't seen it then but the shifting in his seat, the fixed glare; he didn't like that she'd questions him. Just like he hadn't liked her questioning his knowledge of Beatles songs, or how long he'd been learning Chinese, as a young adult.

"This is not my fault," he said, standing up. "If you hadn't come back into his life then none of this would have happened."

"No!" Jane stood facing him, stepping closer and closer until their noses were inches apart. "You do not get to speak to her that way."

"Jane, it's okay," Maura said, reaching out to her arm.

"No. It's not." Jane shrugged her off. Maura stood up. "She is the _mother_ of your child. You might want to pretend she isn't. But she is, and she deserves some respect."

"You're skating on thin ice, Detective Rizzoli." He stared back, his eyes fixed on Jane's.

"Why? Because I won't put up with any of your bullshit?"

Pressing his lips together, he looked at Maura, his eyes wide. "Are you going to let her talk to me like that?"

Stepping closer to Jane, Maura clasped her hand. "Actually, yes."

He clenched his face, the temple on his forehead pulsed. Maura held Jane's hand tighter, steadying her shaking fingers. Silence fell between them.

"Okay." Gregory picked up his jacket and marched toward the door. "I'll find him myself."

"No, Greg," Maura shouted, dropping Jane's hand. She ran after him, Jane close behind as he fled out the door. "Let us help. Please. We love him too. Let's do this together."

"We haven't needed you for twelve years." Gregory stuffed his hands in his pockets and walked away.

"Luke wants me in his life," Maura shouted. "I know you don't like that, you feel threatened, but if you keep me from him, the only person it'll hurt is him. Then he'll resent you for it."

Slouching, Gregory stopped. He turned around. "You don't have custody. You don't get a say."

"I know." She stepped closer. "It's not up to me to decide. But Luke isn't five anymore. He's fifteen. He's old enough to make his own decisions."

"I beg to differ."

Jane frowned. "Right now it doesn't really matter who has custody, or who wants custody. Luke is missing and we need to work together to bring him home. Greg, please let us help you. I'm a detective, I know more than you do about missing person's cases. At the very least, let me help with that."

His jaw tightened. Maura rested a hand on his arm. "Gregory. You came here for a reason. You thought he might be here, which means we might know something you don't. I'm tired of fighting you, of fighting this."

She paused, swiping at her eyes. Knowing Luke was out there, alone, broke her heart. He was a smart child, but he was also a teenager with a sense of bravado, a perception that he was invincible. Deep down, he was still only young.

"Whatever happens next, it can't happen until we make sure he's safe. Come back inside. I'll make some tea and we can try to figure out where he might be."

He glanced down at her outstretched hand, then into her eyes. He looked as broken as she felt, as lost. He was hard on Luke, and Luke didn't like that, but Maura knew he still loved him. When he gripped her hand, Maura's heart flipped. Relief settled in. Maybe, just maybe, things could be different.

x

Jane gritted her teeth as she emptied coffee beans into the grinder. She kept one eye on Gregory, sat across the room, talking on his cell. She didn't trust him, which made the next part of finding Luke so much harder. She dealt with people all the time, who she had no trust in, but they were usually perpetrators of crime or corrupt officers. Not her girlfriend's son's father. He mattered.

"What do you think?" she asked.

Maura filled the coffee machine with water. "What do you mean?"

"Greg, what do you think of what he's said?"

"I think he's struggling."

"That doesn't excuse the way he talks to you."

"No, it doesn't," Maura said. "But I know deep down he has Luke's best interests at heart."

"I dunno." Jane placed the ground coffee into the machine and set it running. "Luke ran away."

"It's not the first time."

"But last time he ran away from his school, and he ran to you."

The sadness in Maura's eyes intensified. Jana slipped an arm around her waist and pulled her in tight, kissing her head.

"Why didn't he come here?"

"I don't know," Jane said, still watching Gregory over Maura's shoulder. "But we're gonna do everything we can to find him. I promise."

x

"He hates Fairmont," Maura said, placing a tray of coffee cups and cafetiere on the table.

"But it's still an option," Jane replied, noting it down. "Is there anywhere else you can think of? Anywhere that Luke might have a connection to; family, friends, anywhere he's ever felt really happy, or has good memories of?"

"What about his stepmom?"

Gregory rolled his eyes. "Jacinta? She's a drunk. Neither of us liked Jacy by the time we separated."

"Not her, the other one." Greg narrowed his eyes. "Luke told me about his life."

"He shouldn't have," Gregory said, balling his fist on his lap.

"I'm not judging you." Maura paused. "He liked her."

"Amy. Yeah." He sighed. "I don't even know where she is. Luke can't possibly know."

"Are you sure?" Jane asked.

"No."

"Greg, Luke could be secretive and sneaky, he found Maura on his own, didn't he?"

"So?"

"Teenagers have resources our childhood selves could only dream of," Jane said. "If I'd had the internet when I was a kid I'd have run away so many times."

"The internet," Maura said, frowning. "Do you know his social media accounts?"

"He hasn't got any."

Jane raised an eyebrow and glanced at Maura. "Yeah. He has."

"I think I'd know…" Gregory drifted off. "This isn't helping."

"Any information is one step closer." Jane stood up and pressed the call button on her phone. "I'll see if Nina can track down his profiles. I know he had Snapchat but he might have had a Facebook profile, or Twitter."

"Who's Nina?" Gregory asked, as Jane walked over to the kitchen.

"She's the person Jane spoke to about tracing Luke's cell, she works at the police department. If anyone can find any online profiles, Nina can."

A few moments later, Jane sat back down beside Maura. "There's no trace on Luke's cell. The last time he used it he was at home. I wish I'd never told him how to avoid a trace."

Gregory stood up, towering over Jane. "You told him that?"

"He was interested in how we solve crimes," Jane said, sitting up. "We talked about a lot of things. I didn't expect him to use it to run away."

"Of course you wouldn't, you're not a parent."

She stood up and glared at him. "So?"

Maura tugged at Jane's arm. She stepped back and sat down. "Arguing over whether he should or shouldn't have learnt about tracing someone via their cell isn't helping."

"Sorry, Maura," Jane said, interlinking their fingers and giving them a squeeze.

"Even if Nina can find his profiles, what's that going to do?"

"We'll be able to find out if he was in contact with Amy."

"But he might not have gone there, why are we wasting time on something that could be a dead end?"

"Look," Jane said. "Nina's tracking his bank account, we've put a trace on your Uber. Luke even sets foot in the bus or train stations here or in Vermont, we'll know about it. He can't go far."

Pouring herself a coffee, Maura took a sip. "Did Luke have access to his passport?"

"Why would he need it?"

Maura sighed. "We can't rule out that he might try to leave the country. He asked me to take him to Europe. Before I brought him back to your home. He said we could go to Paris."

"Why would he want to do that?" Gregory asked, his eyes wide.

Maura stared at him for a moment. She didn't know what to say without upsetting him further. "He was upset. He wanted a break from you. I said no. I took him home."

"But if he has his passport," Gregory said, his face ashen. "He could be anywhere."

"Do you have air miles?" Jane asked.

"Of course."

"Then we need to check your account and make sure he doesn't try and spend them."

"Surely he wouldn't…"

"He wasn't afraid to use your Uber account." Jane made a note and reached for Maura's laptop off the desk behind her.

"He was upset," Maura said.

Jane opened the laptop and turned it on. "Maybe something upset him this time. Is there you can think of?"

"Nothing."

Maura covered her mouth and stared at Gregory, her eyes fixed on his face. "You're lying."

"No, I'm not."

"Gregory." She took his hand, which he pulled back. "We might not know each other now, but I still know when you're lying, and you're lying."

"What is it?" Jane asked, turning the laptop around to face him. "Log into your air miles' account."

"It's nothing. It's probably not relevant." He typed in the web page. "He's been up and down lately."

"He's been up and down because of me," Maura said, sipping her coffee. "But he didn't come here. What aren't you telling us?"

He turned the laptop back round to Jane, his account on the screen. "He's not used my air miles."

"Gregory."

He sighed. "I told him you didn't want to see him anymore."

"What?" Maura and Jane said in unison.

"That's what we decided, that you would go home and you wouldn't see him. I merely told him the truth."

"That is not the whole truth," Maura said, her heart raced. "I didn't say I'd never see him again. I don't want that."

"Come on, Maura," Gregory said, staring at her.

"Come on, what, Gregory? He is _my_ son and I refuse to let you push me out of his life again."

"Push you?" He scoffed. "The last time I looked, you walked away."

"I walked away because you got full custody."

"I got full custody because you were not fit to be a parent."

"That is not entirely true."

"Isn't it?"

"Well," Maura drifted off. She felt sick, her chest ached from the pressure on her lungs. She pushed through the pain, through the uncomfortable feelings sitting in her chest. "The courts decided he should stay with you. But I didn't want to be out of his life completely. I never asked for that. I love him."

"But you _can't_ give him what he needs."

"I'm a very different person, Gregory." Maura gritted her teeth, her jaw ached. She grasped at Jane's hand, desperate for something grounding. When Jane's hands covered hers, Maura felt a slight weight lift off her shoulders. "Putting some space between the situation and myself does not mean I do not want any contact with my son."

"Custody agreement still stands."

"Then I'll fight you."

" _Maura_."

She stood up. A wave of confidence flooded her. She thrust her hand out in front of her, pointing at Gregory. "That's why Luke didn't come to me, that's why he's who knows where doing who knows what. _You_ told him something that upset him so badly that he ran away."

Standing, Gregory folded his arms across his chest. He exuded self-confidence, so much more than Maura could ever grasp hold of – except in her work. She clung, for the briefest moment, to the one thing she could feel confident about.

"I told him something that should never have been an option to begin with. You are not fit to be a mother, you were never fit to be a mother, and I should never have had a child with you."

As if entirely separate from her body, Maura's hand smashed against his cheek. Her heart sped quickly, her throat felt dry. Gregory stared at her, his mouth open, his hands on his red cheek. A sense of dread filled Maura and she lowered herself down on the couch. She could feel Jane's hands around her shoulders, but it felt like it was happening outside of herself.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she whispered. Her chest ached harder, her breathing became more and more laboured.

"You're gonna regret that," Gregory said, his voice low, calm. It sent a chill through Maura's bones. She stared into his eyes, frosty and harsh. A red handprint covered his cheek.

"I didn't mean," she began. Her voice drifted off.

"Greg," Jane said, though her voice felt a million miles away. "Don't. You're both struggling. It's not gonna help anyone."

"If it means keeping Luke safe."

"It won't." Their voices moved away. Maura turned and watched them by the kitchen. "Maura isn't a violent person, but if you push someone's buttons too many times, even the softest people can crack."

"What if she behaves that way with Luke?"

"Do you really think she has it in herself to hurt him?"

He sighed. "No."

"Maybe you should go."

"But, Luke."

"He's not here, he might never turn up here. Maybe you should go back to Vermont, for all you know he could have gone home and could be sitting in his room playing video games."

"And if he's not?"

"I'll call you if we hear anything."

"Do you promise?"

Jane nodded. "As long as you do the same. All any of us want is for him to come home safely."

"Right."

Jane curled back up on the couch, her arms wrapped tightly around Maura's. She rested her chin on her shoulder and clung to her. Once the front door had closed, tears seeped onto the edges of Maura's eyelids. Her adrenaline had dispersed and she felt herself falling apart.

"It's okay," Jane whispered, stroking her cheek and speaking in a calming manner. "It's gonna be okay."

"You don't know that," Maura said.

"No, but we'll do everything we can to make it okay. Okay?"

"I love you," Maura said, squeezing her a little tighter. "I love you so much. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"You don't have to, you've got me, you'll always have me."

x

The phone buzzed three times before Jane answered it. She steadied herself, not quite knowing what was going to be at the end of the phone. They'd had a fractured night. Maura had barely slept, and as a result, Jane had barely slept either. She gently lifted Maura's sleeping head off her legs and back down onto the couch, then walk out of the living room and into Maura's yoga room, her voice barely a whisper. It had taken until the early hours, but Maura was finally asleep and she didn't want to wake her.

"Nina, what is it?"

"A card transaction was made on Luke's account this morning," she said, her voice steady, unlike what Jane expected her own voice to sound like. "He's in Boston."

"Where?"

"He bought a ticket at South Station Bus Terminal."

Jane frowned. It didn't make any sense. If Luke was in Boston, why would he purchase a ticket for somewhere else? "Where to?"

"The terminal supervisor won't tell me."

"He'll tell me," Jane said. "Do you have a number?"

She noted down the office number of the terminal and hung up the phone. Maura was still asleep on the couch, her mouth partially open as she breathed evenly. Jane toyed with whether to wake her. She wanted to tell her what could be great news, yet she didn't really know what good it would do. What if Luke didn't want to see her? There was a good reason he didn't turn up on their doorstep, and Jane suspected it had to do with what Gregory had told him.

She tried the terminal office number, but the woman on the other end was no help. Instead, Jane called her mother.

"I know you're at Ron's in whatever blissful little thing you've got going on," Jane said. "But I need you to come to Maura's."

"Why?" Angela asked.

"Luke's missing and I need to go and find him."

"Oh Lord." She prayed softly. Jane could picture her eyes closed, her hand moving across her chest. "You want me to sit with Maura?"

"She's asleep," Jane said. "She didn't get much in the night, I don't wanna wake her unless I have something more concrete."

"I'll be there as soon as I can."

By the time Angela arrived, Jane was about ready to pull her hair out. She didn't want to just leave Maura on her own, in case she woke up. Nina had sent an officer to the terminal, to keep an eye out for Luke.

"Go find her boy, Janie," Angela said, pulling her into a hug.

"I love you, Ma, thanks," Jane said, kissing her on the cheek and fleeing out the door.


	19. Chapter 19

**Author Notes** **: I'm getting there, slowly! Finally finished another chapter. I have been so lazy lately. I'm trying my best to keep persevering with chapters, even though my motivation is extremely low. Thanks to everyone for reading and commenting on the previous chapter, it really does help to know you're still all here by my side, waiting for more.**

* * *

Buses sat side by side like children waiting in line for lunch. People milled around, drinking coffee from paper cups, checking their watches for the sixteenth time, and playing on their cell phones. Jane ran through the terminal, her heart racing as she searched every face.

"Excuse me," she said, tapping a man in a bus terminal uniform on the shoulder. "I'm looking for my…a kid. He's fifteen, blonde hair, he bought a ticket a half hour ago."

"Where to?"

She closed her eyes and ran a hand through her hair. "I don't know. I just know he bought a ticket."

"I can't help if I don't know where he's goin'."

" _I_ don't know where he's going," Jane said, her fist clenched. The man folded his arms and stared at her, expectant. She stared back, wishing she could wave a magic wand and get the help she needed. She choked her words out. "Can you find out where he's going?"

"How'd ya expect me to do that?"

"I'm a cop." She held out her badge. " _Please_. He's missing, we have to find him before he gets on a bus."

He shrugged. "Alright, I'll ask if the ladies in the office know. But it's unlikely they'll remember. We get a lotta folks through 'ere."

"Thank you," she said, walking behind him toward the office. She continued watching the crowd, checking the men, the boys, looking into the faces of every person she came across.

The man disappeared through a door marked 'private', which closed behind him. Jane waited. Despite her position, she didn't want to intrude. He popped his head back out a minute later.

"Sorry, Ma'am, no one knows."

"No one knows anything?"

He shook his head. She sighed and turned, running down through the terminal to the far end. He had to be somewhere. She started again at the end, re-searching faces.

She gripped the shoulder of one boy, spinning him round. "Luke? Oh. Sorry. I thought you were…"

She kept pacing back and forth, rushing about the space. It was hopeless. The terminal was too big and she had little man-power. She regretted, instantly, not asking Frankie and Korsak, or a uniformed patrol, to meet her. At least then they could search together and she wouldn't feel so utterly alone and helpless.

"Excuse me," someone shouted. She moved so quickly that her neck froze up. A moment of regret. She rubbed at the aching muscle. The man from earlier ran toward her. "Ma'am."

Eyes danced back and forth from his face to the crowd and back again. "Yeah?"

"Calista came off a break, she saw the boy."

"Which bus?" Her heart beat faster. She gripped his shoulders. His eyes wide with confusion and fear. She let go, trying to stay calm long enough to locate the correct stand.

He glanced down, then made eye contact. "Bangor, Maine; it left ten minutes ago."

Her heart sunk. Her stomach felt heavy. Jane opened her mouth, then closed it again. She was so sure that if she got to the terminal quickly enough, she could find Luke, and stop him. In a movie, it would be the exact moment he'd come out of the restroom and say that he changed his mind, he didn't want to get on the bus after all.

But life wasn't a movie.

Jane thanked the man and ran back down to the terminal entrance and out onto the street. She sprinted to her car, competing with a bus she didn't know she could catch. It had a ten-minute head start, that had to count for something.

She debated in her mind whether to call Maura. She deserved to know what was happening. But Jane couldn't focus on much else right now. Finding the bus, and Luke, was her sole aim.

On her way out of the city, Jane scrolled through her phone book on the screen in the car and pressed the connect button. It rang out a couple times before Nina's voice filled the vehicle.

"He's on his way to Bangor, Maine," Jane said, without so much more than a greeting. "Any updates?"

"Phone's still off, no further charges."

"Can you contact the bus company and get them to pull over?"

"I can try," Nina paused. "Would it not be easier to catch him on the other side?"

"Go all the way to Maine?"

"There's a reason he got the bus, maybe he wouldn't be happy if you tried to take him off it in the middle of the journey."

"Contact the company," Jane said, pressing her fingers to her temple. All of the stress was not doing her any good. She chided herself for not stopping to pick up a bottle of water. "Call me when you've got news."

"Alright," Nina said. She went silent.

Jane waited a moment. "What is it?"

"Korsak's not happy. The Mayor's pressuring us to close his son's case."

Sighing, Jane gripped the wheel. "I don't have time to deal with that."

"I know, but," Nina tried.

Jane cut her off. "Tell Korsak I'll do all the paperwork."

"All of it?"

"Yes." Jane gritted her teeth. She knew she'd come to regret it eventually, but she had taken off in the middle of a high-profile case. "Catch you later."

The city made way for highway. She passed bus after bus, not quite sure whether it was the one she wanted or not. Without more information from Nina, she had no other option but to keep driving in the hope that she would at least beat them to the other end.

x

Maura woke with a start, her heart racing and her mouth dry. She sat up, barely aware of her surroundings until Angela thrust a glass of water into her hands and she came back into the room.

"I, thank you," she said, her throat ached. She emptied the glass in several large gulps and placed it on the table. "What are you doing here, Angela? Where's Jane?"

"She had to go out," Angela said, sitting in the chair beside her.

"Where?"

"Out." She glanced around, anywhere but into Maura's eyes.

" _Angela_." She rubbed her temple, a headache seeped into her conscious. "Where is Jane?"

"She thinks she might have found out where your son is."

She gasped and jumped to her feet. Scurrying around in search of what she would need to leave the house. She got as far as her jacket and her keys before remembering that she was still wearing her pyjamas. Her chest heaved with every harried breath.

"Maura," Angela said, gripping her shoulder.

She stood by the front door, not quite sure what to do. She wanted to leave, to get to Jane, to Luke, but she wasn't one for going out in her nightwear. The mournful expression in Angela's eyes pushed her over the edge and she crumbled into her arms.

"I can't lose him."

"You're not gonna." Angela rubbed Maura's back, a soothing action that distracted her momentarily. "Janie's gonna bring him home. I just know it."

"I need," she said, pulling away and turning to the stairs. "I can't stay here and wait."

"What if he comes back all by himself?"

She shook her head, throwing her jacket onto the floor and her keys on top. "I can't sit here and do nothing."

She made it up the stairs, and quickly changed. Waking up to a nearly empty house did nothing to ease her fragile emotions. The longer she went post-wake up, the harder it was. She ran down the stairs and took her cell from her desk. Her hand ached from how tightly she held it.

"Jane, where are you?" she asked once the call connected.

Jane cleared her throat. "Driving."

"Where to?"

She didn't say anything for a moment, and Maura was about ready to scream. "I'm going to bring Luke home, I promise."

" _Where are you_ , Jane?" she shouted, her knuckles paled. "Tell me where you are."

"I'm on the way to Maine."

"Maine?"

Jane didn't say anything. Maura closed her eyes and tried to hold onto her emotions, but tears filled her eyes, her hands shook.

"Why didn't you wake me?"

"Please don't be upset," Jane said, her voice slow and methodical. "I didn't do this to hurt you."

"You should have woken me."

"I know, but you were tired and I wanted to let you get some rest." Jane paused. "I didn't think you should come."

She reached out to the desk to steady herself and perched on her chair. "Why not?"

Her mind moved quickly through all the possibilities. Luke didn't come to her home, so maybe he was angry with her, too. It made sense. Gregory said himself that he told him she didn't want to see him anymore. Whether true or not, it would hurt. Or maybe the reason Jane had gone without her was because they'd found a body. She rested her elbow on the desk and supported her head, tears coating her cheeks.

"If he's angry at you, it might make him run further."

"That's it?" She asked, gasping for breath as relief settled in the pit of her stomach. "You think he's angry, there's no body?"

"Why," Jane's voice broke. "You thought I didn't wake you because there was a body?"

"I didn't know what to think," she said, her shoulders hunched, as she sobbed against her hand. "He's okay?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't want you to think that," Jane said. "I don't know anything. I just know he got on a bus to Maine. If I can get there before the bus then I can at least talk to him, find out what's going on."

"Okay." Maura's breathing slowed, and her heartrate dropped. "Thank you, for doing this."

"I'd do anything for you."

Maura gripped the phone against her ear and swiped her hand across her damp cheek. "I love you so much."

"I love you too. Let Ma make you some lunch and I'll call you as soon as I know anything."

"Okay, bye Jane."

x

The bus arrived in Bangor, Maine around two thirty in the afternoon. Jane stood at the side, watching as each passenger disembarked, collected luggage and went on their way. In amongst the crowd, Luke collected a backpack, slung it over his shoulder and walked toward the ticket desk. Jane tossed an empty coffee cup into a nearby trash can and followed him.

"Can you tell me how to get to Glenburn?" he asked.

The woman at the desk barely glanced up from her newspaper. "Cabs out front."

"But I don't have," he said, his eyebrows tugged together.

"Next!" the woman shouted, and a man pushed Luke to one side.

Jane stood back and watched him. He looked down, confused and unsure. She smiled, relieved to see him, despite his less than sunny disposition. Stepping forward, she reached out to his arm.

"Luke."

He glanced up. His eyes grew wide and even more confused. The frown on his face grew deeper, then it softened into a smile. He threw his arms around her, forcing Jane to step back slightly to steady herself. She rested a hand on his back.

"I take it you're happy to see me," she said.

"Why are you here?" he asked, stepping back. He dropped his bag on the floor and looked around. "Where's Mom?"

"She's not here."

The smile on his face faded again. Luke lifted his hands up in front of him, his fists balled as his face contorted. He shook his head, picked up his bag and marched off.

"Luke," Jane shouted, rushing after him. "Where are you going?"

He walked faster toward the exit. "To get a cab."

"Wait, can't we go somewhere and talk first?"

"Why?" He shrugged. "There's nothing to say."

"There's heaps to say."

He stepped out onto the street and continued across the forecourt toward a line of waiting cabs. Jane stood in the doorway and watched, waited, hopeful that he would change his mind. Stepping up to a cab, Luke talked to the driver, then shook his head and stepped back. After a woman climbed into the cab, another one moved forward and the same thing happened.

After the sixth cab drove away with someone other than Luke, Jane stepped forward and squeezed his shoulder. "Come on, kid, let's find somewhere to get a drink."

He stared at his feet, rocking back and forth from heel to toe. "I'm not going home."

"Never said I was taking you." Jane ran her hand across the top of his head. "It's cold out, let's go somewhere warm, have a drink, and I'll help you figure out how to get where you want to go."

x

"So, where are you headed?" Jane asked, wrapping her cold fingers around a hot mug. She leaned down and blew on the coffee then lifted it up to sip.

He shrugged, placing his hot chocolate down. "Nowhere."

"You travelled from Vermont to Boston then from Boston to Bangor, Maine because you are going nowhere." Jane raised an eyebrow. "You're lying, kid. Either to me or yourself. Talk to me."

"Nothing to say."

"Why did you leave home?" Ignoring her question, Luke stirred his drink and took another sip. "Did your dad say or do something to upset you?"

"No."

"Then why?"

"I don't wanna talk about it," he said, slouching in his seat. "Not with you."

"Would you talk to Maura?" He rolled his eyes and looked away, anywhere but at Jane. "Something's happened, hasn't it? That's why when you left Vermont you didn't go to see Maura."

"She doesn't want me," he said, shaking his head. "She never did. She left me when I was a kid, and then she left me again, said we'd see each other but we won't. She lied to me. She's a fucking liar."

" _Lucas_!" Jane said, her mouth agape.

"You're not my parent." He stood up, pushing his chair backward so quickly that it fell to the floor with a loud bang. The other people in the diner glanced over. "You don't get to tell me not to do something."

"I don't." Jane stood. "I'm sorry. I didn't expect you to say that. Your mom loves you, she wants you in her life."

"No, she doesn't," he said, his voice cracked under the pressure.

"She does. What your dad told you, he wasn't telling you the full truth."

"What would you know?"

"I know a lot more than you think."

Frowning, Luke stared at the people still watching him. He picked up his chair and sat back down, putting his whole attention into drinking his chocolate. "If she loves me, and wants me, then why isn't she here?"

"Because she was so worried about you," Jane said, perching opposite. "She didn't sleep last night so when I found out where you were headed I went without her."

"Why?"

"Your dad told us what he told you, about your mom." Jane pulled her chair forward and resumed wrapping her fingers around her drink.

"I was trying to find the place we used to live."

"The place you and your dad moved to?"

"It was near here."

"Why?"

He shrugged. "Why not?"

"What then?"

"I dunno."

"Do you have any money?"

"Some."

Jane leaned forward. "Do you have enough to live off of? Do you have anywhere to stay? Any way of paying for food?"

"I…" Luke drifted off and stared into his half empty mug. He slouched forward. " _No_."

"I know you wanted to get away." Jane rubbed the back of his hand. "We've all wanted to, at some point. But you need to think smart. I know you can do that, you're smarter than me."

He looked up, his eyes filled with tears as he tucked his hands under the table. "Nobody wants me."

"That's not true," Jane said, standing up. She walked around the table and motioned for him to stand up. "Come here."

Standing, he stared into her eyes. She scooped him up into her arms and held him close. "Maura loves you, and she wants to know that you're safe."

"But she doesn't want me to live with her," Luke said, stepping out of their embrace.

"That's not true." Cupping his face, Jane leaned close. "You listen to me, kid. Your mom wants to fight for custody, it's just complicated. Okay? She doesn't think she'll win because she hasn't been around much. But that doesn't mean she doesn't want you to live with her. It means she's scared. You understand, right?"

He nodded and swiped the back of his hand across his cheeks. "Yeah."

Jane lowered her hands to her sides. "Now unless you really want me to drive you to some small town miles from anywhere, shall we go home?"

"To Vermont?"

Jane sighed. "Really I should take you straight there."

"I don't want to go back there," Luke said, his voice broke and his eyes filled with tears. " _Please_."

"Okay." Jane stood upright. "Let's go back to Boston, we can sort everything else out from there."

x

When the front door opened, Maura ran forward, scooping Luke into her arms and holding him tightly. Tears slipped down her cheeks onto his back. She clung to him, sobbing against his shoulder for a moment, before she finally stepped back and wiped her eyes.

"I am so happy to see you," she said, running her damp hands across her clothing. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," he said, wiping his own cheeks.

She guided him into the living room. Angela disappeared into the kitchen with Jane, only leaving to hand them a glass of juice each.

"Jane's going to call your father," Maura said, handing him his drink. "He'll be here in no time."

He took the glass, shaking his head as he placed it on the coffee table. "Don't make me go back."

"Luke, he's your father," Maura said, swallowing a mouthful of juice. It broke her heart to see him looking so sad. She felt so powerless. "The custody arrangement is very clear."

" _Please_ ," he begged, his eyes filled with tears. "He doesn't care about me."

"He does."

They sat silently for a few minutes. Maura looked to Jane, watching on from a distance, desperate for something to say, some way to start up a conversation. Eventually, she found the words.

"Why did you run away? If it's because of what your father told you about me, I can promise you, he wasn't being completely honest."

He shrugged. "That was only part of it."

"What else made you go?"

"Him."

"What happened?"

"He doesn't listen to me. He never has. He doesn't care what I want. He made me play sports I don't care about, then got mad when I wanted to quit. He made me change schools, and make new friends, but I didn't make any new friends. Nobody likes the smart kid. He doesn't listen to me when I tell him what I want. He doesn't let me make decisions. I'm old enough to decide now. I'm not a kid anymore."

"No, you're not," Maura said, gripping his hand. "But you're not an adult either. Your father does care about you, even if he doesn't show it."

" _No_." He snatched his hand away. "Now you're not listening to me. He's never listened to me. All he wants is to succeed and to win. I'm like a trophy that he shows off to his friends. The kid he had to look after because his mother was too broken to do it. I make him look like a hero, I make him sound like the perfect person who sacrificed his life to raise me. I didn't ask to be his kid. He doesn't want me around. He left the country to get away from me. He just wants to beat you. He's never been there for me; he's never even tried to get to know me like you did."

"I," Maura sighed. The weight of his world landed on her shoulders. An insurmountable amount of guilt settled uncomfortably in the pit of her stomach. She closed her eyes and flashed back to her own childhood, to the neglect she felt from the people who chose to bring her into their family. She opened her eyes and looked into Luke's, desperate to find some way of changing the life he had. "Your father _loves_ you."

" _He doesn't_." Luke leaned forward, his shoulders hunched. "I don't remember him ever telling me that he loves me. I thought him having custody meant he wanted me, but he just didn't want you to have me."

"Why are you saying that?"

"Because it's true! That's why he doesn't listen to me. He doesn't care what I do as long as I'm not with you. _Please_ don't make me go back."

"Luke," Maura said, covering her mouth. She looked at Jane again. She didn't know what to say, or do. Every feeling she ever had as a child came rushing back. The need to protect Luke overwhelmed her, and yet, she was completely helpless. She stood up. "I, I, I'm sorry."

"Mom," he said, jumping to his feet. " _Please_."

She turned around and stared at Jane, desperation in her heart and voice, then looked him in the eye. "I, I can't…I don't, I don't know what to do."

"Then I'll run away again," he said, picking up his bag and resting it on his shoulder. His jaw clenched. "I can't go back there. If you won't do something, then I'll run away and you'll never see me again."

" _Lucas_ ," Maura said. She closed the gap, cupping his cheek with her hand. She rested her forehead against his, tears streamed down her face. "I love you, and I want to protect you, but I don't know how I can do that when he has all of the power."

Tears rolled down Luke's cheeks. "He doesn't."

"I wish he didn't."

He dropped his bag on the floor and unzipped it, wiping at his cheeks. Luke pulled a file out of his bag and stood up. "No, he doesn't. He got physical custody of me but you got joint legal custody and he lied to you about it."


	20. Chapter 20

**Author Note : Thank you to everyone for the amazing response to the last chapter! It's so wonderful to see you all still here. It's currently 1.48 am and I should be asleep. I wasn't going to do anymore writing, then I thought I'd do a tiny bit, then I finished a whole chapter. Any mistake are the fault of my almost 2 am brain.**

* * *

"I've spoken to my lawyer," Maura said, standing beside the kitchen counter. "He's going to look into it, gain access to the file and find out exactly where I stand legally."

Jane folded the newspaper she'd been reading in half and dropped it on the counter. "I thought Luke brought a copy of the documents."

"He did." Maura sat down opposite Jane. "But I can't be sure of the authenticity of the documents. I need to be absolutely sure where I stand legally, before we take things forward."

"Why are you so calm?"

"How else should I be?" Maura asked, tucking a strand of hair back behind her ear. "I can't change what's happened. All I can hope is that this is my best defence, my best chance of gaining access to my son."

"Can I ask you something? Please don't get mad."

"Why would I be mad?"

"Promise?"

"You can ask," Maura said. "I can't promise anything."

"How come you didn't know you had legal custody of Luke?"

Closing her eyes, Maura lowered her head. She didn't want to go back there, to that moment, but she couldn't avoid it. The images flooded her mind. She clasped Jane's hand.

"Before Gregory won custody of Luke, I was unwell. The toll of bringing up a toddler in the conditions I was in made it harder to cope. The more Gregory told me I was a bad mother, the harder I found it. The day of the hearing I couldn't go to court. I was physically and mentally exhausted. I had nothing left to give, and if I went to court I knew it would take more from me than I could handle."

"So, you didn't go?"

"No." Maura cleared her throat. Tears pricked at her eyes. "Gregory had already taken his and Luke's things. When I got the call from the lawyer, I didn't answer. I listened to the message a while later but I'd had a few glasses of wine, to calm my nerves. I got as far as him saying I lost physical custody and I deleted the message."

Taken aback, Jane stared at her, her mouth opened and closed.

"You don't need to say anything," Maura said. "I know. I think about that moment every day. Especially now. If I'd listened, if I'd waited, I'd have realised that I still had the opportunity to be part of his life."

Maura shook her head and sighed.

"I knew. Deep down I knew that I'd missed something, or at least I hoped. My only defence is that mentally I had reached breaking point. That night."

She choked back tears, every breath felt so much harder to take in. Jane gripped her hands tightly. "It's okay."

"No." Maura shook her head. "It's not. There are still things I've never told you."

"You don't owe me an explanation. I shouldn't have ever pushed you."

"I do."

" _Maura_."

"I came this close to ending my life," she said, holding her fingers an inch apart. Her hand shook, her heart still fluttering uncontrollably. Jane wrapped her hands around her fingers and held them steady. "I couldn't do it to Luke. Even though he wasn't there, and he wasn't going to be there again, I couldn't put him through that. I immediately checked myself into a facility. By the time I got out I had no way of finding Gregory, or Luke, and I still didn't feel strong enough to even consider that Gregory was the reason I believed so deeply, that I was not fit to be a mother."

Standing up, Jane held her arms out and Maura stepped into them. She closed her eyes, losing herself momentarily in Jane's embrace. The feel of her hand as it brushed down the back of her head, her lips inches from her ear. Maura clung to her hands as her emotions overwhelmed her.

"Thank you for being…everything," she said, tears flowed from her eyes, covering Jane's shoulder in thick, wet tears. She closed her eyes and listened to the beat of her heart reverberating in her ears. She listened to the gentle sound of Jane's whispers.

"You're the strongest person I've ever met. I didn't realise that until now."

Maura stepped back, not letting go of Jane's fingers. "Thank you so much for bringing him home. I was angry at you for not telling me what you were doing but I don't care, you brought him home and that's all that matters."

Jane cupped her face. "I'd do anything for you."

"I don't know what to do," Maura said, covering Jane's hands. "Gregory needs to know that Luke is safe, but the second we call him, he's going to take him again."

"But you can fight now."

"What if it's not enough?"

"Then we'll find another way."

Maura stepped away, letting Jane's hands slip from her face. She filled the coffee machine with water and prepared to make a drink. Turning, she looked at Jane. The woman she'd lied to for years, and yet she was still there, supporting her every step of the way. "Did Angela leave?"

"Yeah."

"I need to tell Lucas."

"That Ma left?" Jane raised an eyebrow. She closed the gap and draped her arms around Maura's back. "Why would he need to know that?"

"No," Maura said. "I need to tell Lucas that you…that I love you so much."

"And I love you," Jane said, brushing a strand of hair back from her face. She leaned in close, their noses touching. Jane's cell phone buzzed loudly on the kitchen counter. She leaned her head forward, resting her forehead against Maura's, a smile crept across her face. "That's right, way to disrupt a nice moment."

"Work?" Jane nodded, reading the message on her phone. "Go, I'll be here when you get back."

x

"What do you want, Mayor Smithson?" Jane asked, sitting down in his office. "It's late, shouldn't you be at home with your family?"

"It's about my family," he said. "It's time I told you everything I know."

"Why now?"

"Why not now?"

Jane frowned. She rested her hands across the arms of the chair. "Mayor Smithson, what's changed?"

He sighed. "I hoped you'd come to the conclusion of the case earlier, and without my intervention. But as it turns out, you're no closer to resolving the case. It's time I helped you."

Shifting in her seat, Jane leaned forward. "You didn't want to involve yourself, that's why you wanted updates. If there's something incriminating…"

"I met the man my illegitimate daughter decided to have a child with."

"When?"

"A week before Albert's death." He lowered his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose. He looked weary. "He tried to blackmail me. Naturally, I didn't go to the police. I couldn't risk it going on record."

"Couldn't risk what going on record?" 

"The relationship between my son and daughter."

"Eric Friedan tried to blackmail you over Sarah and Albert?" He nodded. "What were his terms?"

"They were rather unorthodox. He wanted me to pay him to leave Sarah alone."

"What did you do?"

Mayor Smithson lowered his gaze. "What else could I do? I prepared the money to give to him. I couldn't get it all together immediately so he agreed to take half, on the proviso that he would leave town the second I gave him the rest."

"But he didn't."

"No, it never came to that." He clasped his hands in his lap. "He told me he didn't really want to be with Sarah, or his son, but he couldn't afford to leave."

"Did you give him the full amount?"

"I was unable to complete the transaction. We were supposed to meet on the night of Albert's death, but he failed to show. He attempted to make contact after Albert was killed, but I refused him. I knew the relationship between Albert and Sarah would come out, I was powerless to stop it. There was no reason to give in to his demands."

"Thank you, Mayor Smithson."

"I have one other thing." He pushed a photograph across the desk. "I had a private investigator follow him, I had to know more. I don't know it's of any use, but this was taken of him and Sarah after Albert died."

Jane narrowed her eyes and picked up the photo. " _After_?"

"I intended to cancel the investigation once the transaction had been completed but given the circumstances, I didn't. That's all I know; I just hope that it is of use. I'd be willing to go on record if it secures a conviction."

"Thank you. I'll be in touch."

"I'm sorry to bring you out at this late hour. Please, return to your family. Don't let me keep you any longer than necessary."

x

Luke sauntered into the kitchen, his hair brushed aside, damp with water. "What's for breakfast?"

"Good morning to you too," Maura said, standing up. "I can make you some toast, or perhaps you'd like eggs?"

"Toast's fine." He slouched down in the chair beside Jane. Glancing across at the newspaper folded up next to her plate, he looked into her eyes and then down at her clothes. "Have you been here all night?"

"Err," Jane opened her mouth, her eyes bugged as she stared across to Maura. "Ye-es?"

Sighing, Maura pressed down the button on the toaster and returned to the table. "Lucas."

He narrowed his eyes. "Why do I feel like you're gonna lecture me about sex?"

"I wasn't," Maura said, then paused. She cleared her throat. "Jane's, she and I, me and..."

"You're together."

Sitting upright, Jane turned her attention back to Luke. "What?"

"How did you know?" Maura sat down opposite him. "Did somebody tell you?"

"I know I'm a kid, and teenagers are known for being so caught up in their own shi-zzle." The frown on Maura's face deepened. Luke shrugged. "She's been here every single time I've been here, and she drove all the way to Maine to find me. I'm not stupid. "

"You certainly aren't," Jane said, picking up the newspaper again. Anything to distract herself.

"How do you feel about it?"

"Jane's cool."

"Is that all you have to say?"

He shrugged. "What else is there to say? My mom likes girls."

"You don't have a problem with it?"

"No." Luke ran a hand through the still damp tendrils of his hair. "I read a study on sexual fluidity and how women are statistically more likely to be bisexual, or end up in same sex relationships later in life."

Maura listened to his words but her heart was resting somewhere between relief and astonishment. "Right. So, your father didn't mention my sexual preferences?"

Luke rolled his eyes. "The only sexual preferences he talks about are the women he ends up forcing into my life."

Jane sat silently beside him, the paper in her hand but she wasn't really reading it. She tried to listen, yet kept her eyes firmly fixed on the sports section. He reached for it, snatching it out of her hands. Maura retrieved his toast.

"Hey, I'm not done."

"It's upside down."

"Oh." Jane shrugged and returned to the slice of toast left on her plate. "Then I'm done."

He opened up the newspaper. "I've hypothesised that I may be pansexual, but I've not really tested the theory."

Dropping the plate of toast in front of him, Maura's chin dropped. "Pardon?"

"I might be pansexual, I dunno."

Jane twisted in her seat. "What's that?"

"An attraction to anyone."

"Anyone?"

"Like trans, non-binary, anyone."

Glancing at Maura, Jane frowned. "What's non-binary?"

Luke spread some butter on his toast. "Thanks, Mom. People who don't label themselves as male or female."

"Maura," Jane said, scratching her head. "Did you know about all these different labels?"

"Sure."

"I'm confused," she said. "We didn't have all that when I was in school. You were either normal or you were different. Where did you learn about it?"

"We had a cool teacher in middle school who made us do projects on sexuality. Some of the parents weren't happy but it was too late by then. She had to quit her job."

"I don't know what to say," Maura said.

"Is there any juice?" Luke asked, walking across the kitchen.

"In the fridge. Does your father know you're identifying as pansexual?"

Luke rolled his eyes and glared at Maura. He retrieved the juice bottle and carried it back to the table where he filled his glass. "He doesn't even know what pansexuality is, and I don't identify as it. I'm not sure yet. I haven't had the time, or the opportunity, to find out."

"We need to phone him," Maura said, filling her own glass with juice.

"But he'll make me go home."

"Would you rather me allow him to continue to think you're missing and maintain contact with the police?"

"He deserves to worry."

"Regardless of what's happened he's still your dad."

"So?" Luke groaned. "It doesn't mean I have to like him."

"Did something happen between you two? Is there a reason why things have been difficult?"

"It doesn't matter."

"It must do, otherwise it wouldn't be an issue. Everything you said last night…"

Jane stood up and cleared her plate and mug into the dishwasher. "I've gotta go to work. Let me know when you get in?"

"I will," Maura said. She turned her attention quickly back to Luke. Sighing, Jane walked across the room and ran a hand across the back of her head and down her back. Maura lifted her attention. "I'm sorry, Jane. Good bye, have a nice day."

"Love you," Jane said, pressing her lips to Maura's. When she pulled away again, she glanced at Luke, who was too busy with his toast and newspaper to care. She trailed her palm across the side of Maura's cheek and kissed her again, longer, deeper.

Maura cupped her face, her fingers covered Jane's. "I love you too."

Once the front door had closed, Maura turned her attention back to Luke. The tug between her eyebrows intensified. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"If you think you've been very good at hiding it," he said. "You haven't. I didn't want to make a big deal out of it, I thought you'd probably tell me eventually."

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner." He shrugged. "Now, tell me what the problem is with your dad."

"I'm too much like you."

"Pardon?"

"He keeps trying to get me tested for autism."

"Autism?"

"I know, right?" He took another bite of toast, barely swallowing before continuing. "Just 'cause I know stuff doesn't make me autistic."

"Why would he think you have autism?"

"He's got no idea what it really is," Luke said, spreading some more peanut butter on his toast. "He's not been around much the last few years. The last time he was home there was a seminar at school for parents on learning disabilities, now he thinks he knows it all. I think he's overcompensating."

"Do you have other indicators other than high intelligence?"

"I hate people?" Luke grinned.

"So do ninety per cent of teenagers," Maura said, raising her eyebrows.

"Is that an exact statistic?"

"No. I was merely hyperbolising."

"Makes sense." He shoved another bit of toast into his mouth and swallowed quickly. "I don't have many friends but that's because they're all idiots. They just wanna talk about girls and the one time I tried to talk about boys in the same way they talk about girls they acted like I'd grown three heads."

"You talk about boys?"

"Once. I talked about them once. It was when I first had my hypothesis. I wanted to see if other people felt the same way."

"But they didn't?"

"They laughed at me like I was a psycho. I'm over it."

x

"You did it, didn't you?" Jane asked, tossing a photograph on the table in front of Sarah. She heaved a sigh of relief. It had taken weeks of back and forth, and finally, finally she'd found the evidence they needed to form a case against the killer of Albert Smithson.

"Where did you get this?" Sarah asked, holding the photo out in front of her.

"Is this you in the photograph having sexual intercourse with Eric Friedan?"

"I…"

"Answer the question," Korsak said.

"Yeah, it's me."

"And you were having sex?"

"Yeah. We…yeah."

Korsak clasped his hands together on the table. "Do you know when this photograph was taken, Sarah?"

"Last year?"

Jane scoffed. "How about a few days before Eric died."

"That's," she shook her head. "That's impossible."

"You told us you were trying to escape your abusive ex," Jane said, leaning forward. "That's why Albert Smithson gave you money. He felt guilty that your father wasn't willing to help support you and he gave you the money out of his own pocket."

Korsak tilted his head to one side. "Doesn't look very abusive to me."

"I," she coughed, cleared her throat a couple of times. "I, we, I loved him."

Jane narrowed her eyes. "You loved the man who abused you."

"I tried not to."

"Spare us the sob story, Sarah." Jane took a bank statement out of her file and passed it across the table. "AS Holdings, the firm Albert Smithson set up, paid money to you. Money was also transferred to Eric's account."

"So?"

"What was the money for, Sarah?"

"I told you. I needed to get away. For my kid."

Jane scoffed and handed her another document. "That would make more sense if we hadn't found another bank account. A joint account in yours and Eric's names. Funnily enough, money was transferred into the account that matches the exact total that Albert Smithson gave to you and Eric. Every last penny. How can you explain that?"

Sarah leaned forward, her eyes frantic. "It was for my kid."

"You killed Albert Smithson, for your kid…" Jane scrunched up her face. "That doesn't make sense to me, Sarah. What happened? I thought you and Albert cared about each other. That's why you had sex with him, wasn't it?"

"I _did_ love him," she said, wiping at her cheeks. "I _wanted_ to love him."

"But you didn't, did you, Sarah?" Jane stood up and sat on the edge of the table. "You loved Eric. You moved back to Boston from Chicago where you were fired from a financial company for embezzlement. They couldn't prove it but you were left penniless, homeless, and with no chance of finding work in Chicago."

"It wasn't true," Sarah said. "I didn't steal that money."

"Maybe, maybe not." Jane leaned closer. "But you did move to Boston so that you could track down your family. You wanted your inheritance, you wanted what was owed to you by the man who had just become the mayor."

"No!"

"You met Albert, you made him fall in love with you, and then you acted surprised when he found out that he was your brother."

"I didn't know!"

"By that point you were so caught up in the lie. All you needed to do was tell him your ex-boyfriend was abusing you and he was like putty. He'd do anything to keep you safe."

"I didn't kill him!"

Jane placed her hand down on the table, and fixed her stare. She could see the subtle changes of colour in Sarah's pupils. "You know what? It doesn't actually matter if you did or you didn't. This photograph proves that you lied about your relationship with Eric Friedan. The DNA evidence proves that you were with Albert Smithson before he died. The money proves that you had motive."

"If I wanted his money, why would I kill him?"

"Greed," Jane said, leaning back. "You got greedy. You didn't want to share the money. Neither did Eric. He got greedy too. He went to your father, he blackmailed him, and he was going to run with the money. But you ruined it. You killed Albert and Eric didn't get his second installment. You wanted it all to yourself. That's why Eric died."

"Now you think I killed Eric, too?"

"No." Jane raised her eyebrows. "Eric knew you were gonna double cross him, that's why he blackmailed Mayor Smithson, to have a backup. He came over, you two fought. That's why there was no evidence of a break in. You knew he was coming. You wanted him to come. You fought, you didn't mean for him to die. But you didn't know your son was going to hit him. He saw you being attacked and he wanted to protect you.

" _No_!"

"Stop lying, Sarah, the evidence is all there. Clear as day."

"I didn't do it!"

"Like I said," Jane said, standing up. "We don't need you to confess, all we need is the evidence, and it's all there. We're charging you with the murder of Albert Smithson."

* * *

 **Author Note : This is the first time I've done a 'proper' case in a fic. I usually mention the start, or the end, and that's about it. I know it wasn't perfect, it could probably use a lot of improvement, but I feel proud of myself for having actually written it in its entirety. I hope you liked the resolution.**


	21. Chapter 21

**Author Note** **: Thank you for all of the comments, etc. from the last chapter. When I was writing this next one I didn't realise where we were in the story, but apparently we've reached the end. This is the penultimate chapter, which means there's only one more left. I'm not sure I'm ready to say goodbye, but we are where we are.**

* * *

"Are you sure this is the best place?" Jane asked, her hand on the base of Maura's spine as they walked into Maura's office. "A work environment isn't exactly suitable for such a big conversation."

"I don't know where else to do this," Maura said, placing her purse on the coffee table. "I need somewhere where I feel comfortable, but it also needs to appear neutral enough that Gregory feels comfortable. Besides, I'd rather be here where I have people around me than at home, alone, all afternoon."

"You sure you don't mind Luke helping us out upstairs?"

Perching on the edge of the couch, Maura took Jane's hand. "I don't want him anywhere near Gregory right now. If he's willing to pick him up and carry him out of my house when I'm not even there, I fear what he could attempt to do."

"I can be here if you want," Jane said, sitting down beside her. "I don't want you doing this alone."

Sitting up a little taller, Maura placed her hand on Jane's thigh and gave it a squeeze. "Thank you. But I need to do this myself. I need to stand up to him, and show him that he can't hurt me anymore."

"I could wait in the lab."

"You have work to do," Maura said, slipping her hand across Jane's back and edging closer. "I need you to watch Luke, so I only have to worry about one thing at a time."

"Okay." Kissing Maura's head, Jane wrapped her arms around her tightly. "I'm here if you need me."

She stood. Maura felt colder without Jane beside he. She stood up next to her and gave her another hug. "I appreciate it."

"Dinner at the Robber?"

"That would be nice."

x

Entering Maura's office, an hour later, Greg banged his balled-up fist down on the desk in front of her. She lifted her gaze, taken aback by his outwardly aggressive action. She shut the lid of her laptop. "What the hell are you playing at Maura? Where is my son?"

"He's with Jane."

Shaking his head, Greg's nostrils flared, his voice raised. "This is not okay. You have no right to him. You should have called me the second he was found. I have custody, for God's sake."

"Do you?" Maura stood up, keeping a semblance of calm in her voice. She ignored the shake in her hand and passed a document across to him. "If I'm not mistaken the custody agreement, as outlined here, states that you have physical custody. I have the right to visitation, and I also have the right to joint legal custody."

"So?"

"You broke the law."

"I did what was best for Lucas."

"You did what was best for yourself."

"You don't honestly believe this, do you?"

"That I have a right to see my son?" Maura asked. "Yes. I do. I've had my lawyer verify the documents and they're correct. You had _no_ right to remove Lucas from Connecticut after the court case."

"I have _physical_ custody," he shouted, leaning against the desk. "I can do what the hell I like, and there's _nothing_ you can do about it."

"I beg to differ, Gregory." Maura walked around her desk. Gregory's temple pulsed, his hands still balled up. Breathing slowly, deeply, Maura maintained her composure. "You kept Lucas from me for _twelve_ years. I had the right to see him, I had the right to make decisions for his future and you took that away from me."

"Because you weren't fit to be his mother!"

"I was ill, Gregory," Maura shouted, anger getting the better of her. "I was under pressure and I was stressed and that affected my judgment."

"So, you admit it," he said, smirking.

"I admit that I was not in a position to care for Lucas on my own," she said. She edged closer to him, cautious of his level of anger. She pushed through any sense of fear. "But the fault was not my own."

"Not your own?" He shook his head. "You can't talk to people, Maura, you're so…autistic…"

Taken aback, Maura scoffed. "I am nothing of the sort, and neither is our son."

"Luke? What's he got to do with it?"

"You told him you thought he was autistic, you told him he was too like me."

"He is borderline." Gregory turned around and ran his hand through his hair. His breathing grew more laboured with every passing second. He turned again, facing Maura, his teeth gritted tightly together. "You should see the way he obsesses over things. Just look at how he's been since he came to you. He's like a dog with a bone, he won't give up this stupid obsession with wanting to be with you."

"He wants to _know_ me. He wants to know where he comes from."

Maura stalked across the room to her bookshelf and scanned the titles. Her best line of defence was to show how unaffected she was, she knew that now. He played on her weaknesses and she wasn't willing to show them.

"Then he can go to his grandparents," Gregory said, marching up behind her. "He doesn't need you."

"But I understand him," she said, twisting her head to look at him.

"Understand him? You barely understand yourself."

"You don't know me anymore, Gregory. You have no concept of the changes I have made to my life, or the personal development I have made."

"I don't need to. You and Luke are scientifically defective."

"I beg your pardon." Maura stared at him, her mouth agape. She turned back to the books, shaking her head as she crouched down to the bottom rows.

"I read up about autism," Gregory said. "It's all about DNA. This is _your_ fault my son has turned out like this. You ruined everything."

" _No_." Maura stood, lifting a book up. She held her finger out in front of her and faced him. "No. I will not let you speak to me like this."

"You _are_ different," he said, narrowing his eyes.

"Because I won't lie down and let you bully me like you did throughout our marriage?" Maura asked, shoving the book into his hands. She walked across the room and settled down on the couch.

"What?" He watched her, confusion etched on his face. "Why have you…?"

Maura jumped in. The stronger she was with him, the stronger she felt, and all of the memories of her past dissipated into how she was now. She was in a managerial position; she spoke to people in high positions frequently, and she negotiated with people who weren't willing to compromise. She could deal with people like Gregory easily, it what she did.

"The causes of autism are uncertain, and are likely from multiple sources. Yes, genes are believed to play a part, but there are any number of outside factors that could contribute to such a diagnosis. Regardless, while Luke may exhibit some traits of autistic children, that doesn't mean he has autism. Maybe you should pick up a book now and again."

He turned the book over and scanned the cover. He tossed it onto the chair beside Maura. "I don't need your smarts, Maura, it's the _only_ explanation for his behaviour."

Crossing one leg over the other, Maura didn't speak. She clasped her hands over her knee. The man in front of her was not the man she married. She watched his confusion, tried to understand the expression on his face.

"What happened to you, Gregory?" she asked, her tone softer. "You're the man who argued militantly for nurture when we would debate nature versus nurture. You were the person who insisted that the parent of a child is the sole cause of many of their adult problems. Does that all go through the window now that you realise that the sole cause of Luke's problems could be yourself?"

"Out the window." Maura rolled her eyes. "That is a lie, Maura!"

" _Is it_?"

"I gave Lucas _everything_ he needed," he said, stepping forward. He towered over her as he inched closer.

Maura sat back, exuding calm. "You ignore him."

"I gave him the best education money could buy and he's throwing that away. I gave him a roof over his head, the clothes on his back."

"And you _never_ listen to a word that he says," Maura said, leaning forward. "You do not pay attention to your child."

"I _listen_."

"Do you?"

"Yes."

"What does he think of his school?"

"He hates it."

"Why?"

"Because he's ungrateful for the opportunity I have given him, and his impairments make it difficult for him to create meaningful social interactions."

Laughing, Maura stood up. She stared at him, holding his gaze until he finally looked away. "So, it's nothing to do with the decision you made without him. Or the children who are immature, who he doesn't get along with because he sees the world differently than they do. It's nothing to do with his high level of intelligence making studying for levels below him boring and lacking in stimulation."

"He's not a genius, Maura, he's a kid who has an attitude problem."

"Why are you so insistent that he be tested for autism, but you won't even consider testing his intelligence?"

"He's a smart kid," Gregory said. "But he isn't anything special."

"What kind of a father says that about their own child?" Maura asked, stepping back.

"The kind who isn't delusional."

"I am _not_ delusional."

"Did you ever tell your parents about Luke?"

"Pardon?" Maura frowned.

"It's a simple question. Did you?"

"N…no."

"Why not?"

"I have my reasons, and they are none of your business."

"You don't know how to be a parent, because you were never parented. Those people, they harmed you in ways you can't even see and now you're trying to tell me you have your reasons for keeping Luke's existence from them?"

"If you think they harmed me so much, then you would support that decision."

"They made you a _terrible_ parent, they taught you to be socially isolated and care more about facts than people."

"Are you trying to accuse me of caring more about facts than _my son_?" Maura asked. She shook her head, aghast. "You are the person who insists that he has a mental disorder. You have treated Lucas in the same way my parents treated me, like he's wrong or defective for merely being different."

"That is _not_ fair."

"Isn't it? Luke told me how you see him, how you ignore what he has to say. When was the last time you spoke to him like a father? Like someone who actually cares about him."

Stoicism replaced the anger etched on his face, he lowered his tone. "How I raise Luke is of no concern of yours."

"It is." Maura stared him down, desperate to hold him there, in that moment. She felt a fire burn inside, pushing her on, forcing her to continue her fight. "You _stole_ him from me, you sought custody by using my insecurities against me. I didn't see it then because it was too hard, but every day since I walked out of the clinic after you took him. _Every single day_ I have reflected upon the life we had together. _You abused me._ You abused your position, and you used that to push me out of Lucas's life."

"What are you talking about?" He asked, turning away. "You're talking nonsense."

"I see through it," Maura said. "You've been doing it all along, since you got back, you continue to treat me like I'm the problem. Look at you, you're telling me I'm autistic as though that would make me incapable of being a parent. But I'm not the problem. _You are._ "

Spinning around quickly, Gregory's face reddened, the pulse on his temple grew larger. He stepped toward her, his eyes burning with rage. " _I am a good father._ "

"You _were_ a good father," Maura said, pushing down the fear that threatened to consume her. She couldn't break now. She sighed. "Now I'm not so sure."

Holding up his fingers, inches from Maura's chest, he stabbed the air. "You can't prove anything. I have physical custody and _I am taking Lucas home_."

" _No_. You can't."

"I told you, I warned you."

Maura stepped out from the space between the couch and Gregory. She walked across the room and picked up another piece of paper. Thrusting it into Gregory's hands, she smiled. "I have an injunction, stopping you from taking him out of Massachusetts."

" _You can't do that_."

"Yes, I can."

"Home state rules," he said, not even glancing at the paper. He lowered it to his side.

"Home state rules do not apply when Luke hasn't been living with either of us for _six months_. You moved him away from the state of our custody arrangements. Had you been living in Vermont with him then maybe it would be different, but you don't. You live half the world away."

"I had to go for work. Lucas is in a boarding school. It doesn't matter where I live. I come home for the holidays, that's what's important."

"No, it's not." Maura clasped her hands together in front of her. She felt a sense of power that she'd never felt with Gregory before, it coursed through her veins making her feel so much stronger. "Our custody agreement is over a decade old. Luke is old enough to make a choice, and he chooses me."

"That's not enough to win custody."

"No, I know. But if Luke constantly runs away from you, and comes to me, that is another reason to seek a change in circumstances. He's not adjusted to his school; he doesn't fit into the local community. He has no friends."

"None of that matters!"

"Yes, it does." Maura sighed. "Gregory, can't you see? He's happy here. He has friends, he has family."

"Your girlfriend?" Gregory scoffed. He held the injunction document up in front of them and screwed it into a ball, tossing it across the room. "I don't think she counts."

"There are people here who care about him," Maura said. "It doesn't matter if you think Jane counts, or not, he can have a stable life in Boston."

"It's still not enough."

"Not for you maybe, but my lawyer disagrees. You lied about the custody arrangements, and you illegally took him out of Connecticut."

"I've already told you…"

Maura cut him off. The harder Gregory fought against her, the angrier she became. "If I was to take Lucas to a physician who specialises in mental health conditions, I'm certain I could gain expert evidence testimony to the effects your living arrangements have had on Luke."

"Now you're accusing me of damaging my son?" He stepped back, his mouth open. " _You can't win this._ You can't take him away from me."

"Gregory, he will always be your son. I wouldn't dream of stopping all contact between you two, if that is what Lucas wants. But you need to realise that I'm not the push over you think I am. I know I've been weak recently. Seeing you again brought up a lot of painful feelings, and memories, and I let them get the better of me. I need you to realise that I am serious right now. You can consult with your lawyer, if you'd like, but your benign neglect of our son puts you at a disadvantage."

"Benign neglect?" He ran a hand through his hair and turned back and forth. "This is ridiculous. It's transference, Maura, this is about you and your inadequacies."

"No. It's about Luke and the damage you have done by treating him the way you've treated him since you took him away from me. I advise you to make an agreement with me now, for Luke's sake, that ensures that Lucas has a chance to rebuild his life."

"This is completely out of line, Maura."

"I want him living with me in Boston."

"I do not want him living with your girlfriend," he said, interrupting her.

Ignoring his attempts at thwarting her, Maura continued. "Jane doesn't live with me, but if she did, I doubt Luke would have a problem with that."

"I do not want him living with your girlfriend."

"I want Lucas living with me in _my_ home, whether my girlfriend is there or not. He will go to school in the city."

"He is going back to Fairmont."

"In the holidays, you may come and visit, and if Luke wants, he can visit you in China."

"If he does not go back to Fairmont, then he will come with me to China."

"This arrangement will stand until he is eighteen, _and_ finished with high school. He will go to the college of _his_ choosing."

"He will go to Colombia."

"If you don't agree to the new arrangement, then I will take this further, and be assured, you will _not_ win."

"You haven't been in his life for over ten years, who would give you custody?"

"Where have _you_ been for the last twelve years?" Maura asked. "Luke told me about his life with you. How you would spend the summer in New York while he was in Maine. You've spent the last year in another country while your son is being cared for by his school. Why would you think you would get custody over me?"

"You can't do this," Gregory said, turning away. His voice grew weaker. He wiped at his face, his shoulders hunched.

For a moment, she felt sorry for him. "What's going on?"

"You can't take him away," Gregory shouted, but his shaken voice lacked conviction.

"Are you crying?" she asked, stepping around to face him. He looked away, sniffling. "Why/ Because you know you've lost?"

" _He's my son_ ," he said, tears laced his words, flowing down his cheeks. He cleared his throat and ran his palm across his cheek.

"He's _my_ son, too," Maura said, feeling her emotions take over. "And you kept him from me for _twelve years_. I'm not taking him away from you."

" _Yes, you are_."

"Gregory, please," Maura said, reaching out to his face. He pushed her hands away, but she persisted, cupping his cheek. She brushed tears from his chin. "You're not happy. Luke isn't happy. I know you don't want to feel like you've lost, but this isn't about winning or losing. The longer you force Luke to go to Fairmont, the harder it's going to be to control him. If you take him to China, it'll only get worse. I know you love him, even if you don't tell him that. I've always known that you care about our boy."

"Then why are you doing this?"

Tilting her head to the side, Maura swiped a couple of tears from her own face. "Because he needs me to fight for him like I couldn't all those ago. He needs me to give him something you've not been able to."

"I _tried_ ," he said, leaning forward, his shoulders hunched. Great, gasping sobs escaped his lips.

Maura reached out, wrapping her arms around him. "I know."

"He's so much like you," he said. "I didn't know how to handle you either."

"I know." She held him close, her mouth against his ear. "We see the world differently than most people, and it can make it difficult to get to know us. The best way you can help Luke now, is to let him go, before it destroys you both."

x

"What's cooking good looking?" Jane asked, entering the office. Maura sat on the couch, staring at the table in front of her. Tears lingered in her eyes. She looked up at Jane. In an instant, Jane's face changed from cheerful to angry. "What did he do?"

Heaving a sigh, Maura held up a document. "He signed it, the agreement that Luke would stay with me."

"He did?" Jane asked, snatching it out of her hand and scanning the document. Open mouthed, she stared at Maura. "And you got witnesses and everything?"

"Kent and the Senior Forensic Technician."

Standing up, Maura stepped back as Jane wrapped her arms around her. Settling into Jane's arms, Maura pushed her face against the crook of her neck and allowed the tears in her eyes to skirt along her face. Her heightened adrenaline had finally settled down, and she couldn't quite believe what had happened.

"He can stay," Maura whispered, her tears quickly turned to sobs.

"Hey," Jane whispered, pulling back. "What's wrong? Why the tears?"

"I didn't…I didn't think I'd ever get custody of my son back."


	22. Chapter 22

**Author Note : Thank you sooo much to each and every one of you for every little moment of this fic. Your reactions, your responses, the comments, the favourites, the follows. Thank you all, so much. I like to try new things and experiment and not everyone likes that, but I am so grateful that you are all on board with the things I write. I've enjoyed this story so much, I don't know why but it felt quite different, in terms of the story, from anything else I've done before. I've laughed, I've cried, and I'm still laughing now. I hope you've enjoyed this journey and I hope to see you all for the next ones!**

* * *

The smell of freshly baked bread was the first thing Jane registered as she walked into the house. After a busy morning in court, all she wanted to do was curl up in bed with Maura and put the world to rights. She walked into the kitchen, her hands tucked in her pockets.

"One of these days I'll be here to watch you make food that smells this good," Jane said, wrapping an arm around Maura's stomach and kissing her neck. "Until then I'll have to assume you're telling the truth."

"You think I'm lying?" Maura asked, spinning around in her arms. Jane placed her hands on the counter behind her, imprisoning her.

"Nah." Nibbling on her bottom lip, Jane leaned in close. "But I can't wait to make my own lunch."

"I was about to prepare lunch, but if you'd rather make your own, that's fine."

Smirking, Jane stared at her. "Seriously?"

"What?"

"I didn't mean food, Maur."

"Oh." Maura pushed her hand from the counter and ran the faucet. "That will have to wait. Luke is trying on his new uniform."

"I think he's the only kid in the world who's excited about a new school uniform," Jane said, picking up one of the freshly baked buns on the counter and breaking it open. She ripped a piece off and tossed it into her mouth, and chewed. "I never got that."

"The excitement over school uniforms?"

"No, how private school kids whose parents have a heap of money get uniforms. But public school kids whose parents are flat broke have to wear five different outfits each week that are considered 'in' to avoid being bullied."

Maura shrugged. "It's a good job I made plenty of those, isn't it? How was the sentencing?"

"Sarah got thirty to life," she said, swallowing another piece of bread. "Kid's still in the foster system, but I heard the mayor's thinking of taking him in."

"It's the least he can do," Maura said, taking a knife and cutting into the buns. "Perhaps if he'd been more open to knowing his daughter, none of this would have happened."

"Are you posthypothesising again?"

"Post hypothesising is not a thing, but yes, I am playing what if."

Shuffling his feet across the floor, Luke entered the kitchen. He kicked his legs forward and back a couple of times and tugged at the jacket of his uniform.

"I thought we got the shorter leg."

"I got the longer ones, with the expectation that you're likely to grow a few more inches," Maura said, taking out a packet of cooked chicken from the fridge. "Slice that."

Picking up a knife and chopping board from the side, Jane proceeded to cut the chicken into smaller pieces. "You look smart, Kid."

"I feel like I'm drowning."

"That usually happens with school uniforms," Maura said, wiping her hands on a towel. She walked over and ran her hands across the lapels of his jacket. "You look very smart. We'll get the trousers altered so that we take them down when you grow."

"Why can't I go to public school?"

"Because you need to be pushed academically, and this school, as you agreed, is your best choice."

"Meh," he said, shuffling across the room and sitting down on the couch. "No way!"

"What's the excitement for?" Jane asked.

Opening up a box on the coffee table, Luke shouted. "Dad sent my stuff!"

"He did?" Jane asked.

"Yes," Maura said. "We got the delivery just before you got home. This also means we need to discuss rules."

"About?"

"About homework and games. The games console stays in the lounge room at all times, I'm not having you playing CARP until the early hours of the morning when you have school."

Leaning back, his hands on his stomach, Luke gasped. "CARP?"

"It's COD, Maura," Jane said, laughing. She tossed a piece of chicken into her mouth. "God, I'm starving."

"Can I play now?" Luke asked.

"This evening when we get home. Please go change out of your uniform and come back down to help prepare lunch."

Luke put the games back into the box. "Why are we going on a picnic?"

"Angela has very kindly organised a family day out to celebrate your coming to live with us."

"How is she family?" he asked.

"She's Jane's mother."

"I know that," he said, unbuttoning his jacket. "But you're not married to Jane, so how is she family?"

"Angela is a dear friend, and I consider her a surrogate parent. Family isn't always the people you are related to by blood."

"Suppose not."

"Now please," Maura said. "Go upstairs and change. We need our basket finished and to be in the car in fifteen minutes."

Luke turned tail and fled the room, his feet shuffled along the floor as he rushed upstairs. Jane placed the knife on the chopping board and picked up an onion. She sliced into it.

"No onion," Maura said.

"Why not? I like onion."

"I like onion too, but I want to enjoy the afternoon and not worry about the smell of onion on my breath."

Sighing, Jane pulled open a draw and put the half-cut onion into a plastic bag. She picked up a capsicum. "Can we have some of this?"

"Sure."

x

Pulling up in the parking lot of the park, Maura turned in her seat. She rested a hand on Luke's knee and smiled.

"I know you're not a big people person, but please try to make an effort. Everyone is here for you, okay?"

He shrugged. "I guess."

"We'll eat, talk, spend time with people who care about us, and then we can go home and you can play your games until bed. How does that sound?"

"Deal."

"First one to the picnic gets the biggest slice of chocolate cake," Jane shouted, tossing her seatbelt off her shoulder and flying out of the car.

Following her, Luke screamed out. "No fair, you didn't give me chance!"

"I suppose I'll carry the basket myself," Maura said, rolling her eyes. But deep down she didn't much care. The look on Luke's face as he ran across the park was enough to make it okay.

She followed behind, the basket on her arm, as she walked across the park towards their family and friends. Jane ran back, still jogging around as she sidled up beside Maura.

"I'll take that," she said, pulling the basket from her hands and slowing to a walk. "I think I'm gonna like having Luke around."

"Me too," Maura said, keeping up the pace beside her. "My lawyer received the gift, he was very grateful."

"Not as grateful as you getting that injunction."

"I know. A weekend away didn't feel anywhere near enough of a thank you gift, but it's the very least I could do after he found a way to push it through."

Wrapping an arm around Maura's shoulder, Jane leaned in and planted a kiss on her cheek. "Greg gone back to China yet?"

"His flight is in a couple of days; he's going to come and see Luke before he goes."

"Is that a good idea?"

"I don't see why not; he's been cooperative as far as everything else is concerned." Maura slipped an arm around Jane's back. "In all honesty, I think he's relieved. He was reaching breaking point with Luke. I don't think he could have taken much more."

"There you are," Angela said, pulling them both into a hug. "Luke's been here for ages!"

"For a minute, Ma," Jane said, placing the basket down on top of a large area of blankets. "You got enough blankets?"

"I wanted to make sure we had enough space," she said, linking her arm with Maura. "Besides, Tommy and TJ came home last night for a few days. Then my friend Marjorie, she's been lonely since her husband died. I couldn't leave her on her own!"

Frowning, Jane stood in front of her. "How many people did you invite?"

"A dozen…and another two dozen."

"Ma!" Jane rolled her eyes. "This is supposed to be about Luke and Maura. Do we even know everyone?"

"Sure," she said. "Marjorie used to work at the Division One Café."

"And the rest?"

"Your Great Aunt Muriel has been in the nursing home for months without you visiting."

"You invited Muriel?" Jane sighed. "She makes you kiss her on the mouth!"

"Don't whine, Janie."

"Who's whining?" Frankie asked, wrapping an arm around Jane's neck. "Hey, Maura."

"Did you know Muriel is coming?"

"She is?" He stared at Angela. "Why would you do that to me?"

"Oh yeah," Jane said, grinning. "I forgot."

"Forgot what?" Maura asked.

"She likes Frankie, he always gets extra kisses."

"On the mouth!" he said, following Angela as she marched off in the opposite direction.

"You sure you want to spend time with my crazy family?" Jane asked, pulling Maura into her arms. They sat down on one of the blankets, arm in arm. "It's only a matter of time before Ma starts asking if we're engaged."

"Who's engaged?" Luke asked, carrying a football and sitting down beside them. He opened up the picnic basket and pulled out a packet of chips.

"Don't ruin your lunch," Maura said, snatching the bag away.

"One chip won't hurt," Jane said, tugging it out of her hand and handing it back to him. "Just don't eat the whole bag, or I'll hunt you down and kick your little teenage butt."

From across the field, Frankie shouted. "Hey Luke, pass us the ball!"

He stood up and tossed it across to him, before sitting back down again. "So, who's engaged?"

"Nobody," Jane said. "I'm so glad she moved out of the guest house."

Luke ripped the bag open and pulled out a couple of chips. "The one at home?"

"Yes," Maura said, reaching into the basket and taking out three glasses and a bottle of juice. "Do you both want a drink?"

"Yes please," Luke said. "Hey, Mom."

Jane took the juice from Maura and poured three glasses, handing one to Maura and the other to Luke.

"Yes, Luke."

"I thought maybe I could go and live in the guesthouse," he said, crunching down on a mouthful of chips.

"Why would you want to do that?"

"Then you and Jane can have some along time and you won't have to be quiet."

Choking on a mouthful of juice, Jane lowered her glass to the blanket, her eyes fixed on the cross markings of the material. She coughed a few times, her cheeks reddened. "Swallowed that wrong."

"No, you cannot," Maura said, reaching into the bag of chips and biting one in half.

"But it's the perfect setup," he said. "I'm fifteen, I don't need you to babysit me all the time."

"That's beside the point," Maura said. "You're still a child and you need guidance."

"Hey Maura," Nina shouted, catching their attention. "Frankie's twisted his ankle trying to catch the football, can you help?"

Jane rolled her eyes. "He's such a klutz."

"I'll be right back," Maura said, kissing Jane on the lips and walking across the blankets.

More of the party-goers had arrived, filling up space around them. Luke sat in silence, eating chips and finishing off his juice. From across the field, and Kiki waved in greeting. TJ ran across the blankets, like a whirlwind, closely followed by Tommy.

"It's a shame you're not a guy," Luke said, folding the chip bag over and putting it back into the basket. He stood up and dusted off his pants.

"Why's that?" Jane asked, frowning. She took another mouthful of her drink and leaned back.

"I always wanted a brother or sister, at least if you were a guy it could happen accidentally."

Jane choked on another mouthful of her drink, spluttering and coughing. Luke ran off across the blankets to join Tommy, TJ and a couple of other people playing with the football. Breathing deeply, Jane forced the smile from her face. She pushed herself up by her hands and ran off after him.

* * *

 **THE END**

 ***cries***


End file.
